Domestic violence: how it arises and how to detect it

Cases of domestic abuse are more numerous than they may seem.

Domestic violence is a serious problem that occurs in all social groups, professions, cultures and religions. that occurs in all social groups, professions, cultures and religions. Even the male gender is popularly conceived as the only aggressors, but the reality is that in many cases women become the aggressors, so it also occurs in both genders.

It is a public health problem that, unfortunately, is on the rise. In Mexico alone, last year there was a 9.2% increase in the number of investigation files for this crime, according to figures from the Executive Secretariat of the National Public Security System (SESNSP).

As if that were not enough, according to the results of the latest National Survey on the Dynamics of Household Relationships (ENDIREH), prepared by the National Institute of Statistics and Geography (INEGI), refers that 10.8 million men married or united with women aged 15 years or older have exercised some kind of violence against their partners throughout their relationship, specifically 40% emotionally, 25.3% economically, 11.6% physically and 5.3% sexually.

Types of violence

The above figures illustrate the different categories in which a person can be harmed, depending on the content of the aggression. More information is provided below.

Physical violence

This category involves hitting, scratching, pulling, pulling and pushing; it is easier to identify because it usually leaves marks on the body such as bruises, bruises, scratches, scratches, scratches, and pushes. it usually leaves marks on the body such as bruises or visible wounds.which often culminates in the death of the victim.

Psychological or emotional violence

The person assaults by means of hurtful words such as insults or nicknames, with the intention of denigrating the partner.. This type of actions produce in the victim feelings of anxiety, desperation, guilt, fear, shame, sadness, as well as low self-esteem.

Sexual violence

Behaviors with sexual connotations are carried out in a forced manner, without the victim's consent.without the consent of the victim, simply because he/she is the victim's partner. It may include physical and psychological violence.

Economic violence

It involves stealing the partner's money, misusing his or her bank account; and even when only the aggressor is the one who works, he or she threatens to deny money to his or her spouse.

The keys to domestic violence

Men who are batterers usually witnessed domestic violence against their mothers in their childhood, so they grew up in a violent environment. grew up in a violent environment where there were established roles for each gender and where women were denigrated; therefore, there is a learned behavior towards the partner. This means that in their future relationships, the person ends up repeating what they witnessed in their childhood, as they unconsciously choose as a partner someone with a submissive profile, thus playing a dominant role.

In addition to low self-esteem, the aggressor has a low tolerance to frustration.. That is, he is easily frustrated, and it is in these cases when he has outbursts of aggression and blames the victim for having provoked it, so that what he wants most is to have control, both of the relationship and of his spouse.

If we examine closely the types of violence mentioned above, we can identify that the common denominator is the aggressor's desire for power over the victim; that is why he denigrates her physically, psychologically and sexually. In the case of economic violence, it is another kind of power, since money is a very important resource; if the victim is economically independent, she has a certain degree of power, so in economic violence, the aggressor also seeks to take it away from her. That is why behind domestic violence by men we find macho ideas.

On the other hand, women who are the victims of domestic violence often experienced something similar in their childhood; they grew up in an environment where violence was accepted and experienced being the subordinates of the men in the household. Similarly, submission is also a learned posture, probably due to the belief that this role in the relationship is normal.

In addition to low self-esteem, the victim may experience depression and emotional dependence on her partner. may present depression and an emotional dependence on their partner, which causes them to not want to separate from their partner.This causes the victim to not want to separate from her partner and to love him. So when the aggressor blames her for provoking the violent outbursts, the victim accepts responsibility. Even in submission, in the victim's mind there are still macho ideas.

And when there are children...

When there are children involved in the relationship, they may suffer from various behavioral and emotional problems, which will not take long to manifest themselves with poor academic performance, being involved or victims of school bullying, isolation, being prone to drug use, falling into depression, resentment, low self-esteemresentment, low self-esteem or post-traumatic stress disorder, among others.

Growing up and developing in an environment where violence is accepted, they have a high probability of repeating patterns, either as aggressors or victims in their partner relationships, as happened with their parents. It is worth mentioning that it is within the family where children learn to define themselves, to understand the world and how to relate to it through what they observe and learn.

Cycle of violence

The interaction between the aggressor and the victim is usually a vicious cycle that constantly feeds back on itself. Below I present the three phases it is composed of.

Phase of accumulation of tension

In this first phase insults, reproaches, mockery, jealousy, and attempts to control the actions of the aggressor and attempts to control the victim's actions, as well as constant and increasing discomfort. For example: criticizing the way she dresses, prohibiting her from going out or certain activities.

Explosion phase

This part represents a higher level than the previous phase. It is at this point that the person has violent outburst in which there are blows, breaking of objects and threats..

Repentance or honeymoon phase

In this last level, the person says he/she is repentant and asks for forgiveness (not without first holding the victim responsible for having violated her), but promises to change. Suddenly romanticism returns to the relationship and the aggressor becomes a detail-oriented being for a while, until something unpleasant happens again and the first phase begins again, and so on and so forth.

When the victim is the male

There are also situations in which the woman is the aggressor and the man is the victim. Like the man in his role as aggressor, the woman seeks power and control over her partner.

In these cases, the woman starts with psychological violence until it eventually becomes physical violenceShe hits, slaps or pulls her husband.

Although he is stronger than she is, the husband does not apply violence because he considers it cowardly to use force on a woman, so he prefers to isolate himself feeling deep shame and keeping silent so that no one finds out about his humiliating situation; probably if he decides to tell anyone he would simply not be believed or would be mocked, including the authorities in case of denunciation. In this way, the man suffers psychologically trying to keep up appearances..

What to do about domestic violence

Below I offer a series of steps to follow to prevent and act in case of domestic violence. Aimed at both men and women. Identify the signs:

• He uses hurtful and accusatory words against you.
• He ridicules you in front of other people.
• She insults you when she gets angry and blames you for doing it or making her angry.
• Monitors everything you do, where you go, who you are with. Checks your cell phone. Forbids you to go out with your friends and/or family, or forbids you to talk to that person.
• Says he/she is jealous because he/she loves you.
• Pulls you by any part of your body or clothes, or simply pushes you.
• Grabbing you forcefully and yelling at you.
• Pressures or forces you to have sex.
• Threatens to hit you or your children..

If your partner does more than one of the above actions, you are already a victim of some kind of violence and soon your partner may escalate to hitting. Discuss this with someone you trust and prepare an emergency plan to protect you and your children if necessary. Try to have a place of refuge, for example, the home of someone you trust.

In case you are already immersed in abuse, carry out the emergency plan to protect yourself, leave your home and go to that place of refuge.. Get advice from a lawyer about your situation, since it is necessary to proceed legally against the aggressor, who will be arrested and taken to criminal proceedings.

If you do not have a shelter, there are some sponsored by municipalities, non-governmental organizations or religious institutions that help the victim and her children to be protected, covering their physical and emotional needs. Some of these places even offer legal advice and psychological support to provide the necessary help.

What to do if you are a close friend or family member of the victim

Do not judge or criticize their attitude or inability to cope with the problem. On the contrary, take time to listen, to understand, and to get it off your chest.. Let him/her know that he/she is not guilty of anything. Also offer your support in whatever way you can help, such as caring for their children, offering shelter, or finding a lawyer.

Consider the safety of the person and their children.. Even in situations where the assaulted person does not perceive the reality as it is and is not aware of being a victim of violence, you can be the one to ask for support and make the report to the authorities. Your collaboration can make the difference and avoid serious consequences.

What to do if you are the aggressor

Finally, if you are the one who is the aggressor, think about the consequences of your behavior. Take the first step, accept that you have a problem and seek professional help.

Conclusion

The courtship is the prelude to marriage. If a toxic relationship in which one of the partners tries to control and have power over the other by manifesting any of the types of violence mentioned above is already in place at that stage, there is a high probability of future cases of domestic violence.

It is during courtship when risky attitudes should be identified.. Everyone should pay attention to the way their partner treats them; find out what their values are; as well as be attentive to the way they treat their parents and other people, particularly those who provide a service in public places. For the same way you treat them is how you will treat your spouse.

Bibliographical references:

• Acosta, F. (April 19, 2018). Atiende UVI 100 cases of domestic violence a day. La Crónica.
• Alcocer, J. (August 14, 2018). Intrafamily violence soars up to 75% during 2018. Publimetro.
• Melgosa, J. (2008). How to have a healthy mind. Madrid: Safeliz.
• Ponce, K. (May 12, 2017). Los datos duros de la violencia intrafamiliar en México. Excelsior.
• Salud, O. M. (November 29, 2017). World Health Organization. Retrieved December 14, 2018, from World Health Organization: https://www.who.int/es/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women.