Emotionally mature people: 6 traits that define them

What exactly does it mean to be psychologically mature? Let's take a look.

Although there is a lot of talk about the distinction between mature and immature people, in practice it is often not clear what we are referring to.in practice, it is often not clear what we are referring to. We sense that it has something to do with whether or not one has taken the step into adulthood, but there is a lot of controversy about what exactly maturing is.

For example, someone may think that maturity is when we enter a state in which we learn to detach ourselves from things and see everything from a certain distance, while for others, it means starting to engage with the world and letting go of individualism and selfishness. In short, each person identifies maturity with the ethical horizon to which he or she aspires to reach one day.

Moreover, in most conversations on the subject, it is not clear that behaving like an adult is always the most desirable thing to do. Aren't there aspects of childhood and adolescence that are highly valued? For example, spontaneity, curiosity or a relative lack of prejudice are always seen as psychological aspects of children that we should imitate.

Is it possible to find a conception of what are emotionally mature people that is more consistent than what we tend to talk about? In fact, yes.

How are emotionally mature people?

Several researches have shown that one of the traits that most distinguish mature people and young children is the delay of gratification, the ability to think about goals that we want to accomplish in the medium or long term. For example, when we are very young, it is much more difficult to refrain from reaching for a candy and eating it, even though we have been told that if we do not give in to temptation after a few minutes, we will be given many more such treats.

This is due, in part, to the way in which our nervous system matures: at the beginning, the interconnections between neurons located in distant areas of the brain are relatively few in number, so we can only think in a non-abstract way, that is, in goals that are not very concrete and not meaningful beyond immediate pleasure.

As we grow older, the areas of the brain become more connected to each other via the white matter, so that our ability to think abstractly improves and, with it, our propensity to consider longer-term and more far-reaching goals. However, even in adults there are individual differences between those who bet everything on the ephemeral and those who try to make their lives based on something more transcendent.

From this information, it is possible to understand what emotional maturity really consists of as applied to how we relate to our goals and to other people. Roughly speaking, emotionally mature people are as follows:

1. They accept emotional commitments.

It is not obligatory to make any affective relationship be governed by the rules that characterize monogamy. However, emotionally mature people try to ensure that their closest relationships are sustained by a series of commitments that will avoid situations of blackmail. that will avoid situations of indirect emotional blackmail. The important thing for these people is to reject unilateralism.

2. They are not afraid of love

Emotionally mature people are capable of not obsessing with unfounded fears about what may happen in the long run, because they learn not to overestimate the opportunity cost (what we are supposedly missing out on by doing what we are doing).

Thus, they are not afraid of the possibility of getting emotionally involved with someone. At the end of the day, having a complete, global and realistic view of what will happen to us in the future means not idealizing or torturing implies not idealizing or torturing oneself for not living things that very possibly would not have happened either.

3. They know how to express their priorities

A good part of what it means to know how to regulate one's emotions and desires when it comes to establishing priorities in life consists in knowing how to communicate to others in a consistent way what you want to do.. Who really knows that his scale of values and what motivates him are something legitimate and worthy, does not hide it.

4. They value friendships for their own sake, not as an instrument.

For emotionally mature people, the bonds of friendship that unite them with others are something that deserves to be cultivated, investing time and effort in them.

This is so because friendship is always something more than those occasional moments of chatting and having fun with friends, something that anyone can appreciate in a superficial way; they are projects that unfold over time and therefore mean something. A friend cannot be replaced.

Therefore, those who are mature stop investing time in relationships that do not mean anything, even if the environment pressures them to stay close to certain people, and concentrate on those that are fulfilling.

5. They face the emotional contradictions directly

Emotions are by definition irrational, and that is why they often contradict each other; this is something that also occurs in mature people. What distinguishes the latter from the rest is that they face these situations directly, recognizing that they feel something complex, instead of pretending that the problem does not exist and try to turn their attention to vain distractions. In this way, they are able to take control of the situation sooner, which means they benefit in the long run.

6. They do not procrastinate

Procrastination, which is the tendency to put off for another day what can be done in the present, is common in many people. Emotionally mature people, by not giving in to immediate temptations if this harms them in the medium and long term, do not let these situations get out of hand.They do not let these situations get out of control and attend to their responsibilities and obligations when it is time.