Expectations in love: how to know if they are realistic? 7 tips

Different ways of assessing whether or not what you expect from the future is in line with reality.

Relationships are not only based on love. In addition, they always go hand in hand with a series of commitments and efforts aimed at creating a climate of mutual trust. And this, in turn, leads to expectations about what will happen in the future in that relationship.

However, there are times when the expectations in love do not match realityeither because they are based on unjustified optimism, or because they make us fall into something that can almost be considered paranoia and fear of abandonment. Knowing how to analyze whether or not they conform to reality is one of the most important elements for the love bond to be maintained, in case you already have a partner, or to correct certain attitudes if you do not have a stable love relationship.

• Related article, "How do the smartest people manage romantic relationships?"

What are expectations in dating relationships?

In the world of romantic relationships, expectations are the set of beliefs that delineate an expected or probable future with regard to living together and accompanying each other with real or imagined people (in the case of thinking about a partner who has not yet been found).

Thus, they are not limited to being a set of ideas "stored" inside the brain of each of the lovers, but are constantly affecting the way in which the people involved in the affective bond interact with each other on a day-to-day basis, even if there is no explicit talk about future plans.

It is therefore vital to see to what extent these expectations are compatible and dovetail with each other, or to what extent these ideas are not too demanding on what life offers us.. We must keep in mind that these expectations are not only about what the person in love with us will or could be like, but also about the material context in which the relationship will take place. For example: is it sensible to expect a life as a couple full of luxuries if at present we do not earn money? Probably not.

In the following we will examine, depending on whether these are expectations in love already existing in a relationship or not, how we can adjust them to what is sensible. First of all, let's start with the case of those who already have an existing love relationship.

How to assess expectations in love if you already have a partner

Follow these guidelines to reach an understanding as objective as possible, keep these key ideas in mind in your daily life.

1. Analyze the causes of possible fears

Many times, uncertainty makes us afraid of feeling frustrated by placing too much hope in a relationship. It is clear that each case is unique, but nevertheless it is possible to evaluate a series of objective criteria to make sure that really there are reasonable grounds for doubt.

First, start by thinking about your situation and making a list. Second, think about the extent to which they are fears associated with real or imagined, probable or not. You can order them according to this criterion, and evaluate the importance that each one has for you.

2. Think about your self-esteem

Some fears may arise not from the characteristics of the relationship itself, but from self-esteem. This is very frequent in people who have an unkind concept of themselves and believe that they will be abandoned because they are not worth it. believe that they will be abandoned because they are not worth much.. Detecting the cause of the problem is already a breakthrough, and psychological therapy often helps.

3. Have you fantasized too much?

There are times when the fact of glimpsing a very happy future makes us become obsessed with those ideas, and we go on to make our own happiness depend on it. In turn, the fear of not reaching that goal appears..

Therefore, reflect on whether, if you really have in mind a tomorrow clearly marked by a much greater happiness than the present, there are reasons to assume that this will be so, and what you are doing to achieve it.

4. Talk about it

The sharing of these ideas is crucial. Talking about your illusions and your fears can be a bit stressful, but it is necessary if there is a suspicion of a mismatch in this aspect. However, it is crucial to do so from a constructive point of view.

And if you are single...

When it comes to reviewing your expectations of love while you are singlefollow these tips.

1... Do you have a very marked filter? Check it

Sometimes, we discard the possibility of starting relationships with certain people simply because they do not meet one or more very delimited characteristics. Does this make sense?

2. Are you trying to give an image that is not real? Don't do it

Some people hope to have romantic relationships by attracting the ideal boyfriend or girlfriend profile by behaving in a way that is supposed to attract that person. that is supposed to attract this type of person.. This is an imposture that in practice leads nowhere.

3. Have you accepted loneliness? Question it

Nobody has to be alone, although some people have it easier to attract the attention of others. But defeatism makes the rest of people not perceive any interest in oneself.