Extreme shyness: what it is, its causes, and how to overcome it.

This psychological trait can be a real problem in social relationships.

Shyness is not a bad psychological trait per se. However, when extreme shyness is present, it can be a real problem in social relationships, when there is extreme shyness, it can predispose us to difficulties in various facets of our life. in various facets of our life.

Extremely shy people find it somewhat more difficult to cope with social relationships, both in their professional and working life, and at practically any age.

However, anyone is capable of modifying their behavior patterns to control extreme shyness and prevent it from becoming a limiting characteristic. That is exactly what this article is about.

What is extreme shyness?

Shyness is a psychological trait in which the main characteristic is. concern for the evaluations that others make of oneself. In other words, fear of "what others will say".

In particular, in shy people there is a pessimistic bias that makes them prone to think that any slightly strident behavior on their part will significantly damage their public image.

As a consequence, when they have to interact with others they tend to maintain a state of hypervigilance of their own actions, which which generates a certain level of anxiety.. In some cases, if shyness is extreme, this anxiety can damage the person's ability to relate to others in a spontaneous and appropriate manner.

Typical symptoms

Obviously, extreme shyness is not a mental illness, although in certain cases it may be part of social phobia. However, it is beyond the control of the person who experiences it in his or her own flesh, and takes shape both psychologically and physiologically. is expressed both psychologically and physiologically..

In general, the signs that indicate the presence of extreme anxiety are the following (in social situations):

• Muscle tension.
• Acceleration of the Heart rate..
• Trembling voice.
• Lack of eye contact.
• Heavy sweating.

Causes

Extreme shyness is a multi-causal phenomenon, like any psychological characteristic (especially those that refer to our way of relating to others).

That is to say, there are many factors that predispose us to adopt an extremely shy behavioral dynamic. Among the main causes that come into play are the following, although they need not all be present at the same time in all individuals with this psychological trait.

• Genetic predispositions.
• A history of problems with anxiety..
• A morally very restrictive context.
• A very competitive context.
• Low self-esteem.

How to overcome it?

Here you will find several tips on how to overcome extreme shyness through changes in daily habits. However, it is important to adapt them to each particular case, it is important to adapt them to each particular case to suit the needs of each person.

1. Start with an easy social circle

Overcoming extreme shyness is a kind of training: it requires some time, the confrontation of an ascending difficulty curve, and effort. That's why, start with something that is challenging but not overly demanding.to progress from there.

So, it is a good idea to create a social circle that you have had contact with before (a contact that has not been particularly negative for you). For example, friends of family members or friends of friends.

2. Start with small groups or individuals

It is easier to overcome shyness if you come into contact with very small groups, rather than large, tightly knit groups where it is clear from the outset that you are an "outsider".

If you can, start by talking to people alone (not in a group), since although it may be a bit more difficult to start a conversation, once you do this everything becomes smoother, since you are closer to a level playing field.

So, if you want, at first let the other person talk more and don't be obsessed with saying something at every moment; adopt the role of the listener, but force yourself to get out of your comfort zone by expressing your ideas, doubts and opinions; don't keep them to yourself.

3. Notice other people's imperfections

It is easier to understand that others don't have to constantly find fault with you if you realize that they too are full of flaws that are full of flaws. they too are full of flaws that come up all the time, and that everybody and that everyone (including you up to that point) automatically and unconsciously overlooks. Social interactions are always much more spontaneous than elegant and perfect.

4. Don't memorize lines of dialogue and focus on spontaneity.

If you try to memorize witty phrases to say when conversing with someone, the effort of remembering them and including them in the dialogue will raise your anxiety level even higher.

Therefore, it is much better to focus all your attention on the here and now of the dialogue, accepting the possibility of silences for thinking, small misunderstandings, rephrasing, etc. Showing confidence in the face of these experiences makes relationships much more fluid and satisfying.

Psychological treatment of extreme shyness

Seeing a psychologist for therapy can be of great help in overcoming extreme shyness.

Therapeutic approaches to this problem vary depending on the age of the person, since it is not the same to be a shy child than an adult with serious difficulties in relating to others in their day to day life.

On the other hand, it is always necessary to know the particular characteristics of each patient who presents this source of discomfort, precisely because it is necessary to analyze the context in which he/she usually lives and to which he/she has become accustomed (let us remember that it is a phenomenon with many causes).

In any case, in psychotherapy the work of psychologists is based on modifying the beliefs that the person has about himself/herself and about others, but none of this will make any sense if he/she does not have the necessary skills.However, none of this will make sense if, in addition to the ideas, we do not act on the objective actions that the person is accustomed to carry out in his or her daily life.

Therefore, it is also essential to intervene on observable behavior, i.e., the actions that the subject performs on the environment: placing reminders and notes around the house, changing his schedule, changing the places where he goes out, etc.

The results of therapy with these kinds of problems based on personality but also fundamentally based on learned stress management patterns. learned patterns of stress management should be noticeable in a matter of weeks and should be noticeable in a matter of weeks and a few months.