Fear of talking to people: 4 techniques to overcome it.

These kinds of anxiety problems are common, but with some training they will stop bothering you.

Fear of talking to people is one of those anxiety-based problems that most trouble a large part of the population whose lifestyle requires them to interact frequently with others.

It is an inconvenience that is embodied in day-to-day life, given that almost any conversation with someone relatively unfamiliar, however mundane, is apt to result in nervousness problems.. However, recognizing the existence of such a problem does not imply knowing how to solve it.

For this, there are no magic recipes that will make the discomfort disappear overnight, but there are techniques that make it possible to structure a learning process aimed at overcoming the fear of talking to people. Below we will see what are the basic guidelines to follow, although no reading can match the results obtained by working with a professional psychologist on each specific case.

How to overcome the fear of speaking to people?

To better understand the steps to follow when it comes to making the nerves when conversing with others stop tormenting us, we must first keep in mind that each dialogue is unique.

What we want to change is the general pattern, what makes the fear of talking to others generalized; but we should not aim to make it impossible to to feel fear or insecurity when in the presence of someone else. This idea, which seems so basic, is fundamental, and therefore it is necessary that throughout the whole process we keep it in mind when reanalyzing everything that happens to us, so that we do not get frustrated and give up.

With this in mind, let's see what are the guidelines that shape these tips to stop being afraid to talk to people. To notice the results, apply them in your day-to-day life.Do not expect significant results in the first few hours; it usually takes several days to notice the benefits.

1. Work on your self-concept

One of the components that come into play in this kind of anxiety problems is self-esteem. Specifically, self-esteem issues. However, this does not necessarily mean that someone who feels insecure in a dialogue with someone else believes that he or she is worth less than the other person, or that he or she is less skilled in general.

The belief is that one has less conversational value.The idea that one's own words do not flow in the same way and that the content of what is said is not as interesting as in the case of the interlocutor. This idea becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, since the insecurity it generates causes attention to be divided between what is being done and said and the fear of what is being done and said. The result leads to poor or disorganized speech.

Therefore, it is important to focus on one's own strengths when dealing with everyday conversation. You should not focus on your experience or your ability to speak fluently with strangers, since it is obvious that you do not have that quality at the moment. bring interesting content to a conversation.

For example, if you have a university education or have extensive experience in a field of knowledge that you think may be of interest, remembering this and associating it with your identity will help you feel that you will relate to people with a better equipping. The same can be said if you have a lot of life experience because of your age, or if you are a person with a lot of experience in a field of knowledge that you think might be interesting.or if you are a person with a lot of curiosity and you have already asked yourself many questions that others have not even thought of.

2. Look at the conversational floor.

The vast majority of conversations don't have much substance. Learn to stop for a moment and analyze the literal content of what happens in a normal, ordinary dialogue that has nothing to do, for example, with the work context: crutches occupy a large part of the dialogue, the phrases aimed at showing respect and interest in the other person They serve no other function than to express friendliness, and in general do not display great general culture or prodigious intelligence.

This kind of minimum level of demand that is given in conversations, what we could call "conversational floor". To be above this is practically like rehearsing for a greater challenge that never comes, a kind of simple tutorial on how to interact with others through words. In general, no one wants to put a lot of effort into every dialogue they have throughout the day, so neither should you.

However, if despite being aware of this you notice that you get stuck or blocked, this should not lead you to think that your mental skills are inferior.. It is simply a sign that where at first there seemed to be a sea of difference between you and others, there is only a very fragile barrier: anxiety. When this disappears, everything will be much smoother.

3. Don't memorize phrases, question

Memorizing phrases to use in a conversation is a common trap to try to make the fear of talking to people go away.

It doesn't work precisely because it adds more cognitively demanding tasks than would be the case if you didn't take them into account: the simple fact of thinking about when it is most appropriate to use one of these lines of dialogue is already very distracting. is already very distracting. It can be useful if you are already fluent in conversation, but not at the beginning.

Instead of using this resource, opt for focusing on listening to what the other person is saying and build your participation in the dialogue by reacting to what you find interesting. This way you get a more natural participation from the beginning, as it would happen in a dialogue in which you do not have any concerns, and you will have a way to approach the conversation having clear that you do not have to be the most talkative part, in exchange for making your interventions meaningful.

4. Learn to distance yourself

As we have seen, all conversations have a strongly conventional and predictable side. On many occasions, what someone says in 5 or 6 interventions can already be predicted from their first intervention, and everything that comes after that are nuances. In the same way, there are also phrases that serve to imply that you are listening, that you agree, etc. A real dialogue is very different from what would happen in most novels, or in movies like Tarantino's.

Being clear about this, and observing it, allows us to stay above this type of interactions, and see them as if they were almost a theatrical performance in which there is little content, and very scattered throughout the sentences. This will serve to make some of the tension go away. Just as you understand why each person uses these seemingly irrelevant components despite contributing little, so too will you do so without complexes as the fear goes away.