Flirting without flirting: The 8 beginner seducer’s mistakes

In this article we review the eight most common mistakes made by novice seducers.

It's finally Saturday night! The week has gone by, and we've been looking forward to the weekend so we can go out and flirt.

Mistake!

Focusing solely on flirting won't help us in any way. Excessive motivation can affect our effectiveness and, if we do not achieve our sole objective, we will go home alone and defeated. Are you one of those who go out at night with the only thought of approaching every woman who crosses your path to see if any of them will bite? You are using the wrong strategy, very wrong.

• If you feel like it, take a look at this post: "10 ways to be more attractive (scientifically proven)".

We have to learn how to to flirt without flirting!

Is it possible to flirt without flirting?

I guess you're thinking: What the heck is this "flirting without flirting"?

Well, it may seem like a tautology or nonsense, but it is a philosophy that works for more and more men who want to meet women. If you read on, you'll understand why some things work when it comes to seducing girls while others set us up for failure.

8 beginner seducer's mistakes and 8 solutions to improve your social skills

Although this statement may seem strange, we will now explain eight mistakes we all tend to make when we go out to meet girlsand eight solutions to learn to have fun and not focus on flirting.

1. Going out to pick up girls

As we noted in the introduction, if we put all our energy and time into flirting and talking to girls, we will be betting everything on one card and, if we fail, this will affect our self-esteem. Flirting is just one more thing we can do in a social context. An interesting thing, no doubt, but not the only or the most important thing.

We have to keep in mind that it is more positive to go out and have a good time and socialize with all kinds of people regardless of gender. Starting to talk to our friends and acquaintances and having fun with them will help us forget about flirting and relax us.

2. There's the girl of my dreams, I'm going to blow her away by showing off my friendliness and my people skills.

A girl is at the bar with a friend, we are attracted to her and feel the urge to hit on her. We think of an ingenious way to approach her and impress her and, when we decide to talk to her, we feel fear invade us and paralyze us.

Wrong!

We don't have to impress anyone. We didn't come here to make fireworks or a show of something as simple as talking to someone. We have to adapt to the social skills we possess at the time. It's not about pleasing anyone: it's about getting to know getting to know someone. Important nuance. If we place too much importance on the interaction, we will most likely be overcome with the fear of failure and doing something wrong. The wise thing to do would be to approach that girl immediately with humility and try to have fun with her. A simple hellosometimes works better than the wittiest phrase in the world.

3. Get out of here!

We have managed to get close to her; we have her in front of us and we see that she is as beautiful as she looked from afar. We look at her and realize that she is looking at us serious and tired. Once again we are overcome by the fear of rejection, we turn and leave.We turn around and leave the place in a hurry, before she gives us some curse or she doesn't even speak to us and turns her face away from us.

Wrong!

We have already pointed out that we should approach a girl to have fun and not to flirt with her.. But it is likely that, although we have assumed this concept, we are still afraid of being rejected. Girls, especially in a nightclub, are used to and saturated with being the target of attention and receive thousands of comments from guys who want to flirt with them. It is normal that they do not like to be approached by "another heavy".

For this reason we have to understand sportingly that many of them look at us in a hostile way. Let's not take it into account and excuse their initial reluctance. Let's keep on wanting to have fun and if they don't accept our open door to fun, it's their loss. And if, in addition, she is rude to us, let's take pity on her lack of tact; we will find someone polite who deserves our attention.

4. You're pitiful!

We return, with our group of friends, happy and content because we have unmasked one more rude person. It hasn't affected us at all and we've had fun with the failure, but our friends think differently. our friends have a different opinionThey tell us that we are ridiculous behaving like this and that we are embarrassing; we should do like them and not try to be what we are not. We bow our heads and, in silence, we think they are right: we vow never to approach a girl again for the rest of the night.

Wrong!

If our friends have paid a ticket to stay up drinking, watch life go by under their noses and all they know how to do is put sticks in our wheels, that's their problem, not ours. We don't have to be ashamed of our interest in meeting new people and having fun with it. and have fun with it. And if they don't get it and continue to laugh at us, maybe we should start thinking about who our friends really are.

5. This is a den

We have been in that place for more than an hour, we look around and discover that we don't like the music they play or the people attending the party.

Wrong!

It is important that we choose well the places we go to because our main objective is to to have a good time and feel at ease. If we don't like the music and feel that we have nothing in common with anyone, we will feel like "weirdos". Next time we should think about where we want to go. That will make things easier for us. If we have things in common with the attendees, it will be easier to feel like one of them and, probably, we will have more things to share with them and, therefore, it will be easier to start a conversation, for example, about tastes and hobbies.

6. I need one more drink

To try to disinhibit ourselves and start being more sociable, we invest money and time in drinking alcohol.

Wrong!

Drinking will not help us. It may make us feel more sociable temporarily, but it will take away our control over ourselves and, if we drink too much, we will only increase our chances of being rejected as drunks. Drinking should be a social act, not a necessity. Let's not use drinking as a drug and much less as an excuse for our failures by saying "I didn't get laid because I was too drunk". Let us learn to overcome fear without the need for narcotics. Being in proper control of our social skills will help our assertiveness and ability to relate to others.

7. Sex is the most important thing in the world

There are five minutes left until the discotheque closes, we have met a couple of girls but it is not enough for us: We want to go home with someone because we haven't slept with anyone for a long time. And, we feel that if we don't, we're lost because sex is the best thing in the world.

Wrong!

Desperation and neediness are not attractive at all. We have to understand that sex is one more incentive in life, but no one has ever died for not having sex. There are four primary motives that move human beings: hunger, thirst, sleep and sex. If we do not eat for a long time we die, if we do not drink for a long time we die, if we do not sleep for a long time we die and if we do not have sex for a long time we do not have sex. if we don't have sex for a long time nothing happens because nobody has died for lack of sex, and the species is not going to die either.And the species will not become extinct if we do not have sex.

We have to start valuing other things, besides sex, that make us feel good; like doing sports, having a good time with friends, studying, learning to play an instrument... We have to base our self-esteem on things that depend only on us and sex is not one of them. We are not less interesting or less of a man for not having sex every weekend.

8. I hate girls, they're all the same and I'll die alone.

We are on the subway, on our way home, alone or with our friends, and we don't even have the strength to stand up. We make a review of how the night has gone and the last strength we have is invested in drawing only one conclusion: I hate girls!

Wrong!

Misogyny and machismo has never been appealing to someone with stable self-esteem and, moreover, we will be undermining our future interactions. Protecting our self-concept in this way, will make us feel good at the time but no matter how much we repeat it to ourselves a thousand times we won't be right. Girls might also think that about us. They might think that there are no guys who know how to treat girls and that we're all going for the same thing.

We'd better invest our energies in thinking about what we've done wrong and how we can correct our mistakes and improve in future interactions. And also, let's think about the good timesLet's think about the good times; about the laughs we had with our friends, about that song we love so much and danced like there was no tomorrow. Let's rejoice that we got closer to a girl and overcame our fears a little more. Let's rejoice that we are becoming more and more like that person we want to become.

Conclusions

In summary, we have to learn to go out to have fun and not to flirt. Flirting without flirtingshould be the slogan of this article. Being afraid of the results will make us give too much importance to such a simple and harmless thing as meeting new people.

Learning to develop our social skills is a slow process that is likely to be full of successes as well as failures. Rejoicing in our successes and learning from our failures will help us create a belief system that works in our favor. Flirting is not the most important thing in the world, we have a life full of friends and loved ones that we have to take care of, starting with ourselves.