Gerontophilia: types, symptoms and treatments

Some people tend to be attracted only to people much older than themselves. Why is this?

Usually, most people tend to be sexually interested in people with ages close or similar to their own (up to about a decade above or below is the most common). But there are also couples of very discordant ages. Although it is not very common nowadays, there is nothing pathological in itself if the union is between consenting adults and there is no abuse or taking advantage of circumstances that limit the ability to consent.

However, there are cases of people who have intense sexual fantasies and are attracted exclusively or almost exclusively to stimuli that most of society considers abnormal and that generally include non-consenting people or animals, inanimate objects or pain/submission relationships between bed partners. When this attraction generates discomfort to oneself or to others, it is virtually the only type of attraction that is considered abnormal.When it is practically the only type of stimulus that generates sexual attraction and/or generates limitations in the life of the subject or his/her sexual partner, we will be talking about a paraphilia.

Within the paraphilias we can find a type that, although infrequent, is subject to some controversy since its inclusion within the paraphilias could only occur if it generates discomfort or limitations to the subject or the partner: gerontophilia or attraction to very old people.. It is about her that will be discussed in this article.

Gerontophilia: basic definition

It receives the name of gerontophilia the sexual attraction towards old people or of the third age. being the subject who feels such attraction considerably younger.. The age difference that is usually considered is at least 35 years of age of differential The person in question has recurrent sexual fantasies with the elderly, being this characteristic that exclusively or almost exclusively generates sexual arousal.

It is important to note and emphasize that when we talk about gerontophilia we are not talking about a spontaneous infatuation for someone of advanced age. A person with gerontophilia feels an attraction that is not so much derived from knowing a person but from the fact that this person is elderly. In other words, what awakens the sex drive is that of an older or elderly person, regardless of the person's age.regardless of what the person himself is like.

As a paraphilia, the interest maintained is in principle purely sexual, although in some cases the gerontophile and the object of his desire may even maintain a romantic attachment.

The classification of gerontophilia as a paraphilia can be controversial.The classification of gerontophilia as a paraphilia can be controversial because paraphilia is often confused with having a relationship with someone much older. But the truth is that one thing does not imply the other: it is possible to have a relationship with an elderly person and the person who does so does not necessarily fall into the category of gerontophile. In fact, gerontophilia is a paraphilia only if it generates a clinically significant discomfort, if it implies a functional limitation in the daily life of the person or if the only stimulus that awakens sexual desire is old age as such.

Basic types

There are two basic types of gerentophilia, or rather we could find mainly two types of attraction towards elderly people.

1. Alphamegamy

The first of these is alphamamegamyin which there is a sexual attraction of a young person (male or female) towards much older men and in the third age.

Matronolagnia

The other type corresponds to sexual attraction to older women by much older men or women by much younger men or women, in this case called matronolagnia.This is called matronolagnia.

Causes of gerontophilia at the paraphilia level

Although relationships between people of different ages do not necessarily imply the presence of gerontophilia, in cases where we are talking about a paraphilia the question may arise of what is it that causes this fixation with the elderly to appear?. In this sense, there are multiple explanations that can be found. It should be noted that we are talking about paraphilia, not about the fact of falling in love with someone who happens to be of that age.

One of them speaks of the presence of an insecure personality, dependent or in need of protection, which would see in the fact of being old a stimulus that traditionally has been associated with wisdom, experience, protection and warmth. This vision of old age may give rise in some people to a certain sexual desire for these characteristics, which make them feel secure.

It may also arise in the context of people who feel unable to relate successfully to others. feel incapable of relating successfully with people of their age (something that also occurs in some cases (something that also occurs in some cases of pedophilia).

Another possibility arises from conditioning: it is possible that in a situation of sexual arousal the image or some type of stimulus related to old age may have coincidentally appeared, which may subsequently have been positively reinforced (e.g. through masturbation).

Related to this have also been observed cases in which the existence of this type of attraction derives from traumatic experiencessuch as sexual abuse in childhood, in which the sexual act has somehow been normalized with people much older than the subject himself. Sexual arousal has been associated with age difference or old age, with attraction to the elderly generally acquiring a certain compulsive tinge.

Another possible reason may be the frailty of old age or the fact of having someone to take care of: the elderly are generally in poor health, may require assistance and may have a certain dependency. Some people may find it sexually stimulating the fact of being needed and helping the elderly..

The opposite pole would be found in the search for domination-submission relationships: an elderly person may be more fragile than his or her partner, something that puts the gerontophile in a position of certain superiority at the level of physical power. In this case, special care must be taken to avoid the possibility of an attempt to abuse the elderly person in question, There may be vexatious components that seek to subjugate the elderly person..

Treatment

The treatment of any paraphilia is a complex matter, which requires taking into account a large number of factors and variables.

In the case of gerontophilia, the first thing to take into account is whether a paraphilia as such actually existssomething that may be more complex than it seems at first glance. First of all, and as we have already repeated throughout the article, having a partner of a very different age from one's own does not make the subject a gerontophile, this only being a paraphilia when it involves clinically significant discomfort, limits the life of the person or generates damage to the partner. Thus, it is necessary to exclude age discordant couples with age differences, as well as relationships based on interest.

But even if there is discomfort, it is worth considering why, since the experience of discomfort may be generated solely by the disappearance of the partner. may be generated solely by social disapproval or the internalization of this disapproval. or the internalization of this.

In the case of working with the paraphilia itself, it will be necessary to assess what it is that makes old age the almost exclusive object of desire for the subject, what aspects he/she considers relevant and the repercussions that this situation has on him/her.

Also aspects such as security and self-esteem will also be worked on, as well as the social andas well as social and problem-solving skills, in cases where the attraction is only due to considering oneself incapable of dealing with people of a similar chronological age or in cases where the attraction is the need to feel needed.

Another type of intervention will be necessary if it arises from traumatic experiences, which should be worked on. Also in the case that it is due to aspects linked to power and submission, being especially vigilant of the existence of any possible abuse towards the elderly with whom they have a partner relationship.

But all this could only be necessary if it is something that has not been chosen and is experienced with discomfort by the parties involved. Otherwise, it must be taken into account that in the end and when it is such, love is ageless.