High-demand babies: what they are and parenting tips

This concept is used to refer to some babies with special needs.

Raising a baby is something that for most people is beautiful, but definitely not easy. After all, we are talking about a completely vulnerable and dependent being with multiple needs that we must be able to meet, and who at least initially is not able to express them in a specific way, often with crying being the only way to communicate their needs or the existence of discomfort or some kind of deprivation (such as hunger or desire for contact) that they are aware of.

Each baby has its own way of being, its own temperament: there are those who cry a lot or a little, more curious or more fearful, more active and more sleepy. And some of them are particularly demanding, which is why some authors have even proposed the term "baby-talk". high demand babies to designate them.

What is a high demand baby?

High-demand babies are understood to be those children are characterized by requiring and asking for attention in a continuous way, crying frequently and waking up in the morning.crying frequently and waking up during sleep more often than usual. This term was created by William Sears, from the observation of the behavior of one of his daughters.

In addition to the above characteristics there are many others that are defining. Among them is the fact that they are often unable to calm themselves and show a high level of distress at separation from their caregivers, with whom they are absorbent and from whom they demand care. They also tend to need continuous physical contact. These babies usually seek to suckle often, which also tends to relax them to a great extent.

It is frequent that they present a certain level of sensory hypersensitivity, such that they seem to capture a greater intensity of stimulation coming from different senses.They seem to pick up more intensely the stimulation coming from the different senses. Likewise, they are usually awake and attentive, slightly hyperactive children (not in the sense of a disorder but in the sense of highly vigilant and active). In many cases, a high level of curiosity, sociability and creativity can also be observed, as well as a high capacity for motivation. One of the characteristics that most stand out in them is the high level of insistence and energy in what they do. It is also frequent that they may appear to be muscularly tense. To consider a baby as high demand, it is necessary that at least most of these characteristics are met.

Finally, although it is not defining, the fact is that many of these babies have high cognitive abilities and sometimes a certain level of precocity, learning earlier and more easily than others. In other words, these are intelligent children whose initial characteristics may (although not necessarily, depending on how they are managed) eventually evolve into abilities and skills that are highly valued in adulthood.

In fact, a high percentage of gifted children have been from high-demand or high-demand-like babies. This is not to say that the relationship is bidirectional: not all or most high-demand babies will be gifted.

A very important issue

Regardless of the characteristics of these types of babies, it is essential to point out one fact. We are talking about babies who have common characteristics, but we are not dealing with babies that present any type of pathology per se.. However, it is possible that the reason for a baby to cry is the Pain produced by some type of pathology and this causes them to end up demanding more help.

Beware of expectations

It is often considered that the high demand of these babies is an aspect due only to the child's way of being. However, the fact of considering that a baby is or is not a high demand baby often derives from the parents' opinion or expectations. It is necessary to keep in mind that each of us has an image or expectation of how and when a child should require us, expectations that need not be realistic.

For example, if a baby cries every night at four o'clock in the morning at four o'clock in the morning is not because he is particularly demanding, but we are talking about a common behavior in all or almost all babies. All babies demand attention, cry and have different frustrations and complex behaviors that we often do not understand.

In addition to that we have to take into account that in some cases the presence of a high demand may be due to the fact that we are not able to understand our baby's needs. It is not that we are bad parents, but a possible misunderstanding of our baby's way of being that makes it difficult for us to respond with the type of stimulation and affection that the child needs..

Some guidelines for action

High-demand babies are characterized, as we have said, by requiring continuous attention from the parents. The high demands of these children can be confusing and can lead to uncertainty and even cause uncertainty as to how to act for many parents. That is why it is not superfluous to offer some brief guidelines for action.

The first thing to keep in mind is that the high-demand baby is a vulnerable being is a vulnerable being who is expressing a real need, which is unintentional on his part and is not a way to manipulate us or achieve something.It is unintentional on their part and is not a way to manipulate us or get something from us.

Although there is controversy as to whether or not to respond to their search for contact, the truth is that it has been shown that responding to them tends to generate that they grow up thinking that the world is a safer place and that they have a greater capacity for self-esteem and defense of their rights. It is important that the baby feels loved and learns to recognize positive emotions.. We should also work on our emotions.

It is also important to keep in mind that we do not have to feel guilty for their crying. Generally the cause of these will not be anything we have done or not done, but simply a manifestation of some of their sensations or the emergence of some need.

As we have said, these children are mobile and curious, so stimulation can attract a lot of attention. But they are also highly sensitive to it, so we must try to monitor the type of stimuli that reach them. It will be useful to calm them down when there are unexpected stimulations, such as loud noises. Showing a calm behavior in front of them, and even in front of their demands for attention, can serve as an example and relax them.

Something that may seem logical but that may be on the minds of many parents and generate doubts is the fact that it is also normal to feel overwhelmed. A very important aspect that we have to work on is to take care of ourselves and from time to time do some pleasant activity without having to be on top of the child. We are not worse parents for wanting to have a moment of peace and quiet.There will be times when we may need outside help (e.g., from grandparents or aunts and uncles) to reduce the level of stress.

Criticism of this term

The consideration of what a high-demand baby is and the fact of classifying it has generated numerous criticisms at a general level. Although it is true that there are children who have this type of temperament, more demanding in comparison with others, labeling them as such could be considered a form of pathology. could be considered a form of pathologizing (although this is not what the category intends) a behavior that on the other hand is normal in a child who depends on parental care for survival.

Another criticism of this category is the fact that no boundary is established between what is and what is not a high-demand baby: any of us can consider our child to be hypersensitive, absorbent and ultimately demanding since no clear time limit or frequency is established that differs from what another baby would do. That is, it is possible to detect that a child is demanding or not, but not so much in determining where the limit would be.