How to apologize for an infidelity, in 7 steps

Several key ideas to know how to apologize in a couple crisis of this type.

Most of the couple crises are caused by infidelity problems, with the consequent lack of trust and changes in the way the relationship is seen. Normally this is experienced with great stress and frustration by both partners, and the feeling of guilt is frequent, even in the person who has not committed the infidelity.

While it is true that on many occasions the simple fact that this deception has occurred is sufficient reason for one of the partners to decide to break off the relationship and move away for good, in other cases the situation can be redirected if the root problem is solved and forgiveness is honestly sought from the person who has been deceived by a lover. Apologizing for an infidelity is a fundamental step. to rebuild the relationship.

How to ask for forgiveness after an infidelity: reconnecting

In the following lines we will see several tips about the role that forgiveness should have after an infidelity and how to apologize after an event of this type.

1. Assuming that you do not have to forgive

The person who has suffered the infidelity has every right not to accept the apology and to terminate the relationship without further explanation. If this is the case, it is totally inappropriate and harmful to blame her, since no one is obliged to give second chances. It is necessary to undertake the task of apologizing with this in mind.At the first sign that the other person wants to be alone and does not want to talk to the person who has been unfaithful, his or her decision must be respected.

2. Ask yourself about your own needs

Before apologizing, you have to ask yourself if infidelity is not in fact the symptom that you do not want to be in that relationship. This question may be hard to ask, but it is necessary in order to avoid wasting time and frustration the other person and yourself.

3. Have the initial talk

It is necessary to talk about it, to ask for forgiveness in an express way and to forge new very concrete commitments, so that the other person has the capacity to see if there are advances in them or if you act as if they did not exist.

This talk should take place in a quiet place where there is intimacy, and its tone should be serious, to allow for honesty and to avoid double meanings. Of course, you should avoid having it remotely, either by text message or phone call. Something so important deserves to be seen face to face.. In this way, the involvement will be much greater.

4. Assuming one's own responsibility

The only person responsible for infidelity is the one who commits it. It is absolutely essential to be clear about this, otherwise, if the conversation shows that the other person is also responsible, a feeling of undeserved and unfair guilt will be introduced.

5. More actions and less words

Infidelity is a betrayal of a person's trust. Someone who has made sacrifices to be with his or her partner, who has missed opportunities that he or she would not have missed when single, and who has invested time and effort in the relationship. Therefore, it is not enough to simply say "I'm sorry". It is necessary to show a significant change in the way you behave every day, in the way you the way you live the relationship and create habits.

6. Do not do it to compensate, but to build

The idea that asking forgiveness for infidelity is about making up for the wrongdoing is based on an incorrect approach to what is happening. If this were so, once the past infidelity is considered to have been made up for, everything should go back to the way it was before, cheating included, everything should go back to the way it was before, cheating included..

The idea to follow is another: to qualitatively transform the relationship to make it based on honesty and trust. In this way, the need to seek forgiveness from the other person is transformed into something useful and meaningful: a way to allow the relationship to evolve.

7. Open up and be transparent

The whole process of asking for forgiveness for an infidelity involves being vulnerable and showing trust, giving the other person reason to have more confidence in the person who has previously deceived him/her. Of course, it is not necessary to be obsessed with the idea of not keeping any secret.Everyone has the right to keep secrets from each other as long as they do not directly affect the other person who shares their life with them, and as long as they are not numerous.

In addition, trying to be totally transparent can have a rebound effect, as it is practically impossible, it gives an excuse to look for exceptions to this rule knowing that it is absurd not to have secrets.