How to argue with your partner in a constructive way: 8 tips

Several ideas for dealing with arguments without letting negative feelings get in the way.

Arguments with your partner are practically inevitable. Sooner or later, in a love relationship there are moments when there are conflicts of interests or expectations, or misunderstandings arise.

So, the problem is not whether or not to argue, but how to do it. In this article we will look at some key ideas on how to argue with your partner in the most constructive way possible..

How to argue with your partner by managing communication well.

It is clear that arguments are frequent, and practically everyone has been through them. However, it is also true that we tend to associate the word "discussion" with moments of great anger in which two or more people shout at each other and express their frustration, even though this is not the case.

In reality, arguing just means discussing a problem and the reasons for or against two ways of approaching it, regardless of whether there are angry feelings or not..

Of course, the more personal and intimate a personal relationship is, the more delicate the discussions are, so it pays to know how to manage it. And the couple's sphere is one of the examples of this.

So, let's take a look at some tips on how to argue with your partner in a constructive way and oriented to conflict resolution through dialogue..

1. Detect the fundamental problem to be addressed

This is the first step necessary to discuss constructively. It is something that should be done between the two partners, and it helps to get the discussion back on track and give tools for not to let the subject change.

2. Approach the discussion as a communicative issue.

There are those who are tempted to turn discussions into a battle in which there must be winners and losers. This fraternal logic is totally contrary to the nature of constructive discussions, which are approached as a communicative phenomenon.

3. Distinguish feelings from facts

It is essential in a love relationship to distinguish between what is felt and what is done, since only the latter can be known by the partner. only the latter can be known by the other from objective facts..

Thus, if in a discussion there are complaints about how bad one feels in certain circumstances related to the love life together, it must be understood that this in itself is not something that the other person has done. What can be dealt with by attributing responsibility is that which has been done by the other person and which may have facilitated the emergence of these emotions.

4. You have to know how to use pauses

In those moments when it seems that one of the people involved in the couple's discussion begins to feel visibly frustrated and angry, it is necessary to leave a brief pause to tone it down and relax.. This can be communicated explicitly, since it is a perfectly valid reason to postpone the exchange of arguments for a few minutes or seconds.

5. Do not bring up old conflicts

Another of the issues related to the renunciation of discussions as contexts in which to "beat" the other is the renunciation of using these moments to let off steam. the renunciation of using these moments to let off steam. and want to accuse the other for any topic that is not relevant, using any excuse.

Any attempt to change the subject to bring up old personal quarrels should be seen as a red flag, a reason in itself not to give explanations on that subject and redirect the discussion to the topic at hand.

6. Do not interrupt

This is as simple as it is essential. If this principle is not respected, the tone of the voice will naturally rise, causing the type of the discussion to change as well.If you do not respect this principle, the tone of your voice will naturally rise, causing the type of personal involvement that is impressed on the discussion to change and entering into the competitive logic of being the one who has the last word.

7. Rephrase what the other says

At key moments when both of you have stated your fundamental ideas, it is good to try to explain in your own words what the other has said. This serves both to show respect for the other person's ideas and to help us understand the other person better by giving him or her the opportunity to correct us.

8. Practice assertiveness

The excesses related to anger and anger is not the only problem to prevent in a couple's argument. In addition, there is the risk that one of the partners there is also the risk that one of the parties involved does not say everything he or she thinks about the subject about the issue at hand, either out of insecurity or by adopting a passive-aggressive attitude.

Bibliographical references:

• Harvey, J. H., Ormarzu, J. (1997). "Minding the close relationship". Personality and Social Psychology Review. 1: pp. 223 - 239.
• Tennov, Dorothy (1979). Love and Limerence: the Experience of Being in Love. New York: Stein and Day.
• Townsend, J. (1998). "What Women Want, What Men Want" Oxford University Press, United Kingdom.