How to be myself and not be afraid of one’s identity

Several tips to avoid becoming what others expect of us.

Many of the problems that generate psychological discomfort suffered by people in Western countries have to do with attempts to make ourselves appear to be who we are not. Social pressure, which leads us to try to offer an idealized image of ourselves, completely undermines any attempt to behave spontaneously and true to one's own identity.

This is why, paradoxical as it may sound, many people ask themselves.... How can I be myself? Let's take a look at some tips to lose the bad habit of hiding behind layers of a personality that is not our own.

How to be myself and bet on my own identity

Although society is a place of cooperation, it is also true that these bonds of collaboration and mutual benefit are not always very clear and the threat of them being broken is always lurking.

Perhaps this is why we are always so concerned about what people will sayIn an environment where our former allies can be our enemies in the present, our personal image is of great value, as it is something that defines us as individuals and does not depend on anyone else but us.

As a consequence, we try to create a public version of ourselves that can please others, leaving aside, in part, if that forces us to adopt certain impostures in our habits and in the way of relating to others that we usually adopt. In the following lines we will see how to combat this mentality of sacrificing everything for that idealized image and how to be oneself by embracing the self. how to be oneself by embracing one's own identity.

1. Reconnect with your hobbies.

Let our physical and intellectual interests and hobbies develop. Activities that take up a lot of our time should not be primarily driven by what others expect of us.

Otherwise, we will be wasting a lot of potential.. Not only because we could be very good at something if we gain experience in it, but because these activities done for pleasure, although it may not seem so, can enrich us a lot culturally, but we will not gain so much if they are hobbies that do not excite us and that we do for pure commitment.

2. Surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with

Being constantly surrounded by people who judge us negatively at the slightest stridency on our part is a bad decision, since, whether we realize it or not, it molds us at the mercy of their expectations.

It is better to meet open-minded people who are able to accept such a simple idea as the following: it is not necessary for everyone to be cut from the same cloth..

However, we must be careful that this type of comfortable friendships do not end up becoming social circles in which everyone thinks alike and has the same vision of things. Not only is that not intellectually stimulating: it makes us less reasonable and creative. The ideal is to expose ourselves to diversity because it enriches us and even allows us to discover aspects of ourselves that we did not know.

3. Accept your contradictions

No one has a completely consistent and defined personality. Ambiguities and uncertainty is what makes us not totally predictable. It is inevitable that certain situations produce tensions in us, that make us doubt about which option best represents us, and that we regret certain past decisions. This does not cancel out the fact that we can behave authentically, being true to ourselves.

4. Embrace assertive communication

If we are constantly hiding what we want and what we are interested in, it will end up enslaving us. There is no point in being yourself when no one is watching.We have to bet on authenticity practically all the time.

5. Value honesty

Being frank with others may be difficult at first, but it usually generates a chain effect; it makes it easier for those around us to be honest with us as well. Therefore, being honest creates spaces in which it is much easier to be oneself, and in the long run, to be honest with others. that leads us to be authentic almost without realizing that we are breaking all kinds of boundaries that in the past have come to weigh down our way of socializing with others.

6. Demystify others

To stop trying to be idealized by others, you have to stop idealizing them; no one deserves to make all kinds of sacrifices simply to please others..

Achieving this is partly a matter of working on self-esteem and realizing that we too, if we wanted to, would be able to judge others negatively for all sorts of arbitrary reasons if we wanted to, but that we can realize that this makes no sense and that, consequently, someone who does this to us obeys a poor criterion of what people are like.

7. Detach yourself from relationships based on dependency.

Las relaciones caracterizadas por la dependencia son un lastre para el desarrollo personal, además de generar muchas fuentes de malestar o incluso exponernos a las dinámicas de maltrato psicológico. Por ello, hay que saber reconocerlas y "desconectar" de ellas.

Referencias bibliográficas:

• Castello, B.J. (2005) Dependencia emocional: Características y tratamiento. Madrid: Alianza Editorial.
• Ellis, A. (2001). Feeling better, getting better, staying better. Impact Publishers Judge, T.A.; Bono, J.E. (2001). Relationship of core self-evaluations traits—self-esteem, generalized self-efficacy, locus of control, and emotional stability—with job satisfaction and job performance: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 86(1): pp. 80 - 92.
• Olsen, J. M.; Breckler, S. J.; Wiggins, E. C. (2008). Social Psychology Alive. Toronto: Thomson Nelson.
• Rotter, J. (1954). Social learning and clinical psychology. Englewood Cliffs. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall.