How to create realistic compromises in couple relationships

Every relationship must be based on a balance of interests and expectations.

Commitment is a concept that refers to an aspect that can be very complicated to carry out. Commitment implies making an effort, persevering and struggle to do, maintain, care for or achieve that which is agreed upon with oneself or with others.

Many people are afraid of it, and avoid commitment. Some people only commit themselves when they are really going to do it. Others commit over and over again to different things and people, knowing that they will never fulfill their commitments, and others, when faced with adversity, will back out.

We can commit to many things, but probably one of the aspects with which this concept is most often associated is with relationships and relationships with our partners.. That is why in this article we are going to talk about how to establish healthy compromises in relationships.

Contextualizing the concept of commitment in love

To commit to something or with someone, to have and to maintain one's word and loyalty before a contracted obligation. In the context of a couple, we understand as commitment the will and permanence in the situation and in the relationship, to maintain the relationship in a solid way until the end in spite of the difficulties that may arise.

Commitment implies the assumption of responsibility in the maintenance, care and development of the relationship, the elaboration of a common project of which both members want to be part. However, for it to be so, it has to be seen as something positive and desirable, not as an imposition or something cumbersome. It requires the existence of a mutual interest in each other and in the durability of the relationship. It also requires a similar valuation of what is expected from the relationship and an acceptance of what both partners want.

It is necessary to keep in mind that communication is a key element for there to be commitment to the couple: each person is different and it is necessary for both partners to communicate with each other. it is necessary for both partners to communicate their expectations in this regard.. The idea of fidelity is one of these aspects, as well as the will to have or not to have children, the division of roles and tasks or priorities.

Commitment is therefore a key element in a relationship. The lack of it on the part of one or both members of the couple can lead to the failure of the relationship, generating great suffering to both members of the couple.The lack of commitment on the part of one or both partners can lead to the failure of the relationship, causing great suffering to both partners (especially to the one who is involved) or even to the failure of the relationship to develop beyond a fling.

The Sternberg love triangle

The idea of commitment is something that has been considered in love relationships for centuries, and has been included in several theories concerning romantic attraction and the formation of couples. One of the best known theories today is the one proposed by Sternberg..

For this author, there are many different types of love, which depend on the interaction between three key components: passion, intimacy and commitment.

Passion refers to the most instinctive and emotional quality, the desire and need, the desire and need, and the commitment.The passion refers to the more instinctive and emotional quality, the desire and need, the energetic, romantic and sexual part of the relationship. Intimacy would refer to the more sentimental and bonding part, the desire to protect and love the other person and to open up and receive from each other. Finally, commitment would refer to what we mentioned a few moments before: the willingness to bet, maintain and stay in the relationship regardless of the difficulties.

A love without commitment could be a mere infatuation (if it is based solely on passion) or affection (if the basis is intimacy). It is possible to find romantic love is a situation with relative lack of commitment, existing passion and intimacy. If there is intimacy and commitment we would find ourselves in a sociable love (perhaps closer to friendship), without passion and with little desire.

If there is hardly any intimacy but there is passion and commitment we would find a fatuous love. Finally, if there is only commitment but there is no more passion and intimacy, we would be faced with an empty love (a commitment, in this case, rather lived as an imposition). The ideal of love would be consummate love, in which the three previous components would be balanced. However, it is the most complicated to achieve.

But that at a given moment there is a specific type of love does not mean that it cannot change over time. over time. Passion, intimacy and commitment can come and go, train and develop.

How to create healthy and realistic commitments in relationships.

Creating and maintaining commitment in a couple's relationship can be more difficult than it seems. In order to try to generate and maintain it, it is advisable to take into account the importance of the following aspects.

1. Communication

As we have said before, one of the keys to commitment is the fact that both of you state what you expect from your relationship, what you are willing to do and how far you are willing to compromise. It is not a matter of setting fixed boundaries, but rather of making it clear what can be expected from each other and if there is a willingness to get involved and whether there is a willingness to get involved and maintain the relationship. Likewise, communication allows that problems and relevant issues can be negotiated and that they do not become entrenched and make it difficult to be in tune with the couple.

2. Honesty

Together with the previous point, another essential element to have and maintain a committed bond is honesty. We must be able to express ourselves authentically and without pretense, in order to and without pretense, so that we can indicate what we want, what we are looking for and what fulfills us.

3. Do things together

Something essential to generate a bond in which there is commitment is the fact of having a common project, elements that unite you. Spending time together does not necessarily generate commitment, but taking the time to but taking time to discover each other and the things we like about and the things we like about our partner strengthens the relationship and the determination to preserve it.

4. Beware of unrealistic expectations

A possible problem that can hinder the existence of a stable commitment is having unrealistic expectations about the other person or about the relationship. We must keep in mind that in relationships there are also bumps and difficult momentsand this does not mean that the commitment has to be broken. Likewise, thinking that the other person has excessively high expectations of us or demands too much of us can also end up weakening the commitment.

The solution is, as in all cases, to communicate efficiently and fluently. It is also possible to work on the beliefs and expectations in question.

Have your own space

While it is necessary to be together and communicate, it is not healthy to generate a suffocating and stifling bond in which everything has to be done together. It is necessary for everyone to have their own space and time to themselves. The opposite can weaken the commitment by an excess of pressure.

Work on your fears

One of the things that makes it difficult to keep a commitment is being afraid of what it entails. Dealing with this fear may require overcoming traumatic personal situations (e.g., previous breakups or infidelities that make it difficult to want to trust another person). It is also possible that there may be a lack of commitment due to fear of losing freedom, a fear that also needs to be discussed and addressed.