How to deal with a rebellious 18-year-old?

Tips for dealing with rebellious young people who are emerging from adolescence.

All of us have been (or are or will be) teenagers at some point in our lives. We know and have experienced a lot of changes, and some of us may even have gone through a phase of rebellion towards our parents, even after coming of age.

And the truth is that although at the time it may have seemed like the logical way to proceed, the truth is that this behavior can be frustrating for the adult, as you may discover when you in turn have children of your own. In this context, the question may arise as to how to react, what to do. How to deal with a rebellious 18 year old? In this article we will try to give ten basic tips for dealing with this situation.

Rebellion in post-adolescence.

Adolescence, the passage from childhood to adulthood, is a process that involves a large number of physical, psychological and social changes.

In addition to those inherent to development, we are faced with a great increase in what society demands of us, something especially visible when we reach the age of majority: we are legally adults and we are required to take on responsibilities as such, even though we have not yet matured past adolescence (in fact, some authors even propose that we remain adolescents until we are 25). We are still experimenting and trying to find ourselvesWe are still experimenting and trying to find ourselves, as well as to prove our newly acquired identity.

It is therefore a difficult age for those who live it, and can be a distressing and frustrating stage. Likewise, it often persists even a certain distancing from the authority figures of previous years, derived from the search for a separate identity and the search for and increase in the importance of other social relationships. of the previous years, derived from the search for a separate identity and the search for and increase in the importance of other social relationships.

All this can lead to the emergence of oppositional and rebellious behaviors, which can also be a source of anguish and a lack of understanding between the now legally adult and his or her family environment.

These phenomena persist during the final stage of adolescence, the post-adolescence, with the characteristic that at this age, the capacity to disobey is greater, since more resources are availableThis is due to the fact that at this age the capacity to disobey is greater, since more resources are available to do so.

10 tips for dealing with a rebellious youngster

Facing adolescence and the arrival to adulthood (legally speaking, at least in our country) can be complicated both for the youngster himself and for his parents, being able to appear rebellious attitudes. In this sense, here are ten tips for dealing with a rebellious 18-year-old.

However, we must keep in mind that we are talking about rebellious teenagers, not including the presence of aggressive attitudes and domestic violence..

1. Establish good communication

Perhaps the most important thing in any type of relationship, and especially in one in which there is some rebelliousness and resistance to parental figures, is to establish a fluid communication. It is important that this takes into account the possible conflicts that our child may have, and that it is not carried out as an interrogation but as a thorough conversation in which a genuine interest is appreciated. It may be useful to approach based on the hobbies of the young person in order to produce a rapprochement between the two.

2. Give him or her space, listen and respect his or her opinion.

Our son or daughter is now 18 years old, and although he or she still needs us in his or her life, he or she also needs to have his or her own space. This doesn't mean that we don't care about him or her, but it does mean that we accept that he or she wants and needs privacy.

Just as with space, the 18 year old has his own has his own criteria which, although somewhat inexperienced, is still valid and should be respected and taken into account. and should be respected and taken into account. We must listen to them attentively and without interrupting them: it is not a matter of ignoring their point of view but of validating and considering it.

3. Be careful with expectations and comparing

There can be many conflicts due to our own demands regarding what the now adult should do. We must understand that we are dealing with an autonomous person with his or her own ideas and convictions..

It is important not to try to force them to live the life we would have liked to lead and not to demand that they meet our expectations or take them down the path we would have liked to take. Above all, do not compare them with others: they are valuable beings in their own right, as valid as anyone else.

4. Prohibit prohibiting and overprotecting

To prohibit and censor without further ado is, especially when there is rebellion, totally counterproductive. In fact, it is likely that what is forbidden is more appetizing The fact of being forbidden and at the same time contravening the imposed norm is likely to be more appetizing. Moreover, we must take into account that he is of age and has the capacity to make his own decisions, we must consider that we must advise and guide him without being a presence that acts through coercion or imposition.

On the other hand, overprotecting our child has negative consequences and also leads to a certain alienation, as the young person does not feel validated and observes that he/she is considered incapable of making his/her own decisions. As long as certain limits are not exceeded, it is necessary to allow him to experiment and even to make mistakes.

5. Establish clear limits

We have said in the previous point that it is necessary not to prohibit but neither should we be over-permissive. We have to establish clear, coherent and consistent limits in the conduct, which we must maintain firm without being seen as coercive.

It is a matter of ensuring that one's actions have consequences and that these consequences are known to the young person. This includes, of course, the treatment given to parents, and the non-acceptance of violent attitudes or degrading treatment.

6. Set an example

An 18-year-old is already perfectly capable of observing when he is told something while doing the opposite. Thus, we cannot demand from our children something that we do not show them: we need to be able to set an example in such a way that the young person sees a coherence between what is said and what is done. Of course, he/she is still a different person, so we must be careful with the demands and expectations we place on our children. we must be careful with the demands and expectations we have of him. and expectations we have of him.

7. Don't lose your temper and be empathetic

Although it may be difficult, it is necessary to remain calm even in the face of rebellious attitudes and try to understand the teenager's/young person's point of view. After all, he/she is facing a much more demanding reality than what he/she was used to until now, when he/she has or is about to enter the adult world. Anger, shouting or arguments will generate discomfort and a distancing of positions.

8. Give your child a voice and a vote

This point is important since it allows on the one hand to establish communication and give him some autonomy (not in vain he is already legally an adult) and at the same time to respect a series of limits. We must give him/her not only the capacity to express his/her opinion but also to take it into account, being the already legally adult capable of making decisions regarding his/her own life. It is not a question of the young person always having his own way, but that we are able to negotiate with him.It is not a matter of the young person always having his or her own way, but of being able to negotiate an alternative that is valid for all in those aspects where there is no consensus.

9. Reinforce positive behaviors

A frequent mistake in the transition to the adult world is to focus on what the child does wrong, being the parents' attitude generally corrective.

Even if the child is of age, we all need to be approved and congratulated for the things we do well. Therefore, it is advisable to reinforce and it is advisable to reinforce and congratulate achievements. It is also helpful if all positive behaviors are welcomed and reinforced, without criticism or demands. It is also helpful if all positive behavior is welcomed and reinforced, without criticism or demands.

10. Let him know that you love him

This last point may seem obvious, but it is probably one of the most important: no matter how much our child is now legally an adult, he will now and always need to know that his family will be a core of support, that he is loved and appreciated regardless of what happens.