How to deal with criticism, in 5 steps

If we do not know how to manage criticism, it can damage our self-esteem and lead to conflict.

The word "criticism" comes from the Greek "kritikos" which means "able to discern". Likewise, the word "criticize" comes from the verb "krinein" which means "to separate", "to decide" or "to judge". Nowadays we can use these words to talk about the action of judging or evaluating a situation in depth; but they can also be used to refer to an attitude (criticism), and even to a decisive moment (critical moments). In this sense, making a critique is not always an action of offense towards the situation that is being evaluated; rather, it can have the opposite effect: to favor our ability to discern or decide.

In any case, when a criticism is made to judge or evaluate a behavior or personal decision, it can generate a lot of discomfort. Among other things, it can produce the sensation of anguish or sadness and sometimes anger. In this article we will explain some strategies that can be useful to face criticism in a way that facilitates social interaction and in a way that facilitates both social interaction and maintaining emotional stability.

5 strategies for dealing with criticism

When we find ourselves in a situation where we hear something that we do not like, because it has to do directly with ourselves, it is common for us to react from the emotional filter and omit the rational part, which often generates the feeling of not knowing what to do.

However, even without knowing what to do, we act. And the way we do it can also generate discomfort or confusion in other people. It can even happen that our reactions to criticism turn into an obstacle to the development of interpersonal relationships or personal development.or personal development. For all these reasons, it is worthwhile to ask ourselves how we are dealing with criticism and how we could do it adequately.

1. Assess the situation

Criticism, as it is composed of a series of social judgments, can easily generate guilt. It is important that, before we move on to this moment, we try to put the criticism in context. This means that we can reflect on how others' perceptions and explanations of success or failure in performance may be affected by different labels or social values assigned to ourselves. In this way, we can we can generate tools to establish a dialogue with the interlocutor (the critiquer), to (the one who makes the criticism), before we become paralyzed, either out of anger or anguish.

In short, not all of us react in the same way to criticism. Many elements are involved in these reactions, ranging from our self-concept to the possibilities and values that have been assigned to us (and through which we have been socialized), which may be different between women and men or between children and adults or between people from one culture and those from another. Putting criticisms in context and assessing the situation in which they are generatedIt also has to do with reflecting on the time, the place, and the specific person from whom the criticism comes. Such reflection helps us to know which comments or situations we should "take personally" and which we should not.

2. Strengthening assertiveness, beyond criticism.

On the other hand, once we have detected that our reaction to criticism generates emotional problems, it is time to ask ourselves if our coping is directly affecting our social skills. If the answer is yes, something we can work on is assertiveness, understood as a skill that allows us to communicate in a respectful yet firm manner.

As it is a skill, and not a personality trait that some people have and others do not, assertiveness is something we can work on and develop.. It is about communicating our needs and interests clearly, but at the same time recognizing the needs and interests of the interlocutor (i.e., maintaining empathy).

It also consists of discerning between those moments in which it is better to remain prudent and more passive; and those moments in which it is necessary to remain active and firm with our decisions. Strengthening assertiveness is a skill that helps us to communicate on a daily basis, and that can go far beyond improving the way we deal with criticism.

3. Review and work on self-esteem

Self-esteem is the evaluation we make of our self-concept. That is, it is the set of values (positive or negative) that we associate with the image we have made of ourselves. From the most scientific to the most everyday psychology, attention has been paid to how a low or high self-esteem is reflected in an important way in social skillsthat is to say, it becomes visible in effective and satisfactory relationships.

The assessment we make of our self-concept has an impact on the undervaluation or overvaluation of our own possibilities and on the recognition of our limits. Thus, depending on how we perceive ourselves, we may have some problems in dealing with criticism (precisely because of the difficulty in recognizing both limits and capabilities). This can generate intolerance or rigidity with respect to the judgments we make about others.This can generate intolerance or rigidity with respect to the judgment others make about us.

4. Reflexivity and self-knowledge

Reflexivity, or the quality of being reflective, refers to the capacity to evaluate something carefully before carrying it out. Or, once it has been carried out, so that the results of such reflection can serve us on subsequent occasions. Working on this skill can be useful in dealing with criticism, as it allows us to analyze how we are affected by the criticism of others on a daily basis, and which of our own actions may be affecting other people. In this sense, reflexivity is related to introspection and to developing realistic thinking about situations. developing realistic thinking about situations.

Ultimately all of the above involves working on self-acceptance and self-knowledge, which means assuming our thoughts, feelings or behaviors, and also our limits and real possibilities; as part of ourselves and our context of possibilities. Without expecting unconditional approval, both from others and from ourselves. The latter allows us to allows us to work on that which we do not like about ourselvesand, at the same time, not to weaken ourselves excessively in the face of others' criticism.

5. Sharing the experience

It is normal for criticism to cause us some discomfort, and it is also normal that we do not know how to react at all times.

Faced with this, another strategy that can be effective in dealing adequately with criticism is to share this discomfort and uncertainty. Surely we will meet someone who has felt the same way, and even if it is not an expert in psychology, we can reach interesting conclusions about how we have felt in the face of criticism. interesting conclusions about how we have felt about the reactions of others, and also about how they have felt about the reactions of others.and also about how others have felt about our reactions.