How to educate defiant and rebellious children: 8 parenting tips.

Several educational guidelines to apply at home to raise defiant young children well.

Parenting can generate distress when children do not pay attention to parental indications, or even take defiant attitudes when given an indication. This is a common occurrence and many parents don't know what to do about it.

In this article we will look at how to educate defiant and rebellious children so that parenting does not become a distressing process for adults and children. In addition, we will also see the importance of correcting this type of behavior in time.

Why is it important to correct these behaviors?

Some parents ignore their children's defiant behavior and mistakenly think that as they grow older they will outgrow these behaviors without the need for them to intervene. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The truth is that if we do not know how to educate defiant and rebellious children, we are exposed to the risk that these behaviors will intensify as they grow up, and then it will become increasingly difficult to correct these negative behavior patterns.

Ideally, we should focus on correcting unwanted behaviors as soon as possible; significant changes in behavior are more likely to occur when children are in early stages of social and cognitive development. If we ignore children's oppositional behaviors, we may later be faced with the situation of having an adolescent with markedly dissocial behavior.

There is a triad of psychological traits that begins in childhood with defiant behaviors; then in adolescence these behaviors intensify and become known as dissocial, until they reach their full development in adulthood.

How to educate defiant children?

In the following lines we will see a list of tips on how to properly educate children with behaviors of constant opposition to the norm and rebellion.

1. Discipline with affection

In general, many people think that affection only manages to spoil children, and the truth is that it is all the same.The truth is that the opposite is true. It is possible to discipline using affection as a base, the secret is to maintain an adequate balance between affection and authority.

2. Avoid physical punishment

When we hit children because they have misbehaved, the only thing we do is to reinforce negative behaviors in them. We give them reasons to challenge us, and we make them become disobedient in order to get out of that dynamic of violence..

Keep in mind that when you hit a child you are not making him/her respect you, but fear you, and educating based on fear is never healthy for anyone. Instead of physical punishment, you can choose to take away some object that is meaningful to the child, or some privilege for a while.

Also It is also important that you explain to the child why you are punishing him/her, so that he/she can internalize that the punishment is not a punishment.In this way the child will internalize that the negative behavior he/she did led to the punishment and in this way the extinction of such behavior begins. It is useless to punish arbitrarily without an explanation.

3. Avoid laughing at negative behaviors.

A common mistake made by caregivers is to make fun of children's maladaptive behaviors, even laughing at the infant's negative behaviors. Although this may seem harmless at first, it is actually negative reinforcement, which will harm us.which will be detrimental to us.

If we take children's rebelliousness, their tantrums or their ways of flouting the rules as something funny, we will be normalizing this behavior in them, and then it will be more complicated to make the undesired behaviors disappear.

The ideal is to show them that what they have done affects us, and to take a serious attitude towards the child.and take a serious attitude at the time of doing so.

4. Don't let disrespect pass

Some parents or caregivers allow children to be hostile towards them, and do not correct them when they raise their voices or talk back in a bad way. This type of permissive parenting is also unhealthy for neither party..

If we don't teach children the value of respect from a young age, they will grow up with the misconception that they have the right to express their ideas in a hostile manner and that this is normal. It is a matter of to make children see that there are adaptive ways of expressing their emotions, with kindness and respect.with kindness and respect.

5. Avoid comparisons

Children like to feel special, and that significant adults see it that way. When we make the mistake of making habitual comparisons between two or more children, we are generating a sense of frustration in them. The best thing to do is to focus on the virtues of each one of them, without comparing.without comparing.

6. Show unconditional love

The unconditional love we give our children represents a protective factor against any negative behavior they may have; the right way to do this is through positive discipline. Hugging, showing affection verbally, and spending quality time with them..

7. Help with routine

Routines help children maintain control over themselves, and at the same time, help them toAt the same time, they help them learn to be disciplined about the things they must do. It is advisable that together with the child we make a schedule of daily activities and we take care of helping him/her to comply with them.

8. Reward good behavior

In the same way that we should punish bad behavior, it is important to make sure that the child knows that we are pleased with him or her. that the child knows that we are happy with the way he or she behaves.. Rewards do not necessarily have to be objects; telling him that we are happy with him and showing affection at the right time will suffice.

Bibliographical references:

• Castorina, J.A. and Lenzi, A.M. (comps.) (2000). La formación de los conocimientos sociales en los niños. Psychological research and educational perspectives. Barcelona: Gedisa.
• Pérez Pereira, M. (1995). New perspectives in developmental psychology. A critical historical approach. Madrid: Alianza Editorial.