How to end a long-distance relationship with as little damage as possible.

Long-distance relationships add complexity to something that is already complicated: falling out of love.

Relationships can be a wonderful thing, but they are not easy.. They require a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, intimacy, communication and negotiation skills among many other factors, not to mention the particularities of each of its components, the context and the relationship itself. Among the latter we can find relationships in which its members must remain separated for a long time, either because they live at a great distance or for various reasons require that one of the components has to move to another place.

Maintaining a healthy and healthy relationship in these circumstances is a great challenge and requires a great effort on both sides, and sometimes it may not go well and generate suffering to one or both partners, something that can lead to the need to end a relationship. And it is something that needs to be talked about, but.... ¿how to end a long-distance relationship generating the minimum possible damage to both parties? Throughout this article we are going to try to reflect on this question.

How to end a long-distance relationship: Different aspects to take into account.

At the time of breaking up with someone, whether or not it is a long distance relationship, there are multiple different elements to take into account. How, when, where, how will you react?

In this case there will be different steps or aspects to consider when ending a long-distance relationship. However, we must take into account that we are talking about a generic breakup, and many of these elements may vary depending on each case.

1. Make sure that this is what you want

The first step to end a long distance relationship is, mainly, to be sure that it is what we really want. A long-distance relationship is very complicated to carry out, but it is also possible that in spite of the difficulties it is worth it.

It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things moved by Pain or anger. It wouldn't hurt to to talk to our partner about how we feel and try to verify that what is going on and try to verify that what is happening to us is not simply a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or non-existence of certain feelings in a cold manner and as objectively as possible.

2. Talk to someone

Doubts about what to do and how to do it are very frequent when it comes to ending a relationship. Although we should not let our decision be influenced by the opinion of others, it is advisable to to talk to someone about the subject in order to unburden ourselves and get other points of view, especially if it is someone who does not know us.Especially if it is someone who does not try to impose his or her opinion on us and values our points of view.

3. Make the decision

Once the pros and cons have been evaluated, it is time to make the decision. The fact of making the previous evaluation is indicative and can help us, but the truth is that in many cases we have already made the decision beforehand. This does not mean that the previous step is useless.This does not mean that the previous step is useless, since it can allow us to try to objectify the situation.

4. Don't make him do it for you

In novels, books, movies or even in real life we have seen how in many occasions people who want to leave their relationship start to maintain behaviors that little by little deteriorate and destroy the relationship with the purpose of making the other person the one who decides to leave. deteriorate and destroy the relationship with the purpose of making the other person decide to leave..

Often this is seen as a way of not being "the bad guy/girl" or even as a way of making the other person suffer less when you break up. However, in the end, the only thing that this type of manipulation does is to generate a suffering that can last for a long time, and even that the other person does not take the step to end the relationship.

If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, it is better to talk directly with the person and assume our own choices and responsibilities. Although it may not seem so, it will cause less emotional pain and it is possible that the end of the relationship can be lived in a more positive way.

5. Plan the situation

We cannot foresee everything that may happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that cannot be left to mere improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to carry out the breakup and the specific topics to be used. I am not referring to memorizing a speech, but rather to to have in mind beforehand what you want to talk about..

6. Introduce the subject delicately

Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful moment for both partners. It is not advisable to blurt it out, but it can be useful to introduce the subject little by little. For example, you can mention to the other that we need to talk about an important topic. This is to prepare the ground.

It is likely that the other person can imagine what it is about, but although initially it may seem somewhat painful it is better than blurting it out all at once. After that we can introduce that the relationship has been important to us but that keeping it at a distance has become unsustainable. keeping it at a distance has become unsustainable..

7. Talk about it in person

Although we are facing the cessation of a long-distance relationship, the fact of breaking up merits if possible that the conversation be face to face. Certainly, it is easier to leave through a chat or in writing, but the other person may feel the moment as cold and feel unappreciated. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates a better expression and understanding of the situation and allows communication to be more fluid and clear. If possible, it would be advisable to do it in person..

In case it is totally impossible, a video call could be the next best option. This would be followed by a live telephone conversation. Leaving text messages or leaving a message on the answering machine should be avoided, as they do not give the option of replying.

8. The breakup, in private

It is important that the conversation takes place in a place where both of you can be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left is not ridiculed or embarrassed. It is also not necessary to do it at home: we can take the person to a place where breaking up will not be an embarrassing act for him or her.

It is not appropriate to do it in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a violent reaction is expected.

9. Be calm and clear about what you want.

The conversation can become quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be unusual for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, concern or even a certain helplessness or even anger and indignation. We must remain calm and adopt an empathetic attitude, but be clear and firm with our intentions. be clear and firm with our intentions if what we really want is to leave the relationship.

10. Do not blame

A surprisingly frequent mistake in any breakup, and especially in one in which there is distance in the middle, is to blame the other for the situation that has generated the breakup. The fact that little by little there is more distance, that you talk to each other less or that you feel lonely is something that is not the fault of anyone in particular, or rather that both parties are partly to blame for not knowing how to communicate properly.

Attributing it to the other is a way of justifying oneself and not facing one's own decision.. The exception can be found in situations where the other person has committed a betrayal of the relationship you have maintained, such as infidelity.

11. Let him/her express his/her point of view

Relationships are a two-way street. While you may have made the decision that the relationship should end, it would not be fair to just walk away. The other person has been a part of your life, a part that should be valued and recognized for what it is and given due importance. The other person should be given the opportunity to express what he or she feels about it and give his or her opinion on the matter, even if it may not agree with ours. This makes it easier that, even if the relationship ends, it does not do so with a deep resentment or a feeling of being undervalued.

12. Distance yourself

Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we have already broken up, it is normal that initially doubts arise about how the other person is doing or that we start to miss positive aspects of the relationship. For example, the WhatsApp conversations or the good morning and good night message you probably used to send each other.

It is also likely that you want that even though the relationship has ended, that person is still part of your life and even maintain a friendly relationship with him or her. It is even possible that in some cases you may consider keeping an open door to return in the future.

However, it is unhealthy to continue to have the same level of contact as before until the relationship is over. until the mourning stage has been overcome.. This will generate pain in the person who has been dumped and possible confusion about your intentions (does he/she want to come back, hurt me, should I wait, etc.).

In fact, it is advisable to distance yourself, so that both you and your now ex-partner can adjust to the fact that you are no longer a couple, rebuild your lives and see each other again as a person with whom you can (or cannot) maintain cordial contact. It is not a matter of never speaking to each other again (unless you want to), but of giving time for the process of overcoming the breakup to be completed.