How to face and accept the diagnosis of infertility.

Some guidelines for better management of emotions in the face of infertility.

There are more and more cases of couples seeking to become parents who are diagnosed with infertility. Sometimes, it is accompanied by one or more causes, problems of ovarian reserve, endometriosis, problems in the morphology, quantity and quality of sperm, genetics... and on other occasions, this diagnosis is associated with the words "cause of unknown origin".

With or without specific causes, it generates stress or frustration in the couple as it clashes with the plans they had made to start a family and the desire to have a baby.

Facing and accepting the diagnosis of infertility is a difficult task without specialized psychological help.. Couples who decide to start with insemination treatments, IVF, ICSI, tests, constant consultations of gynecology, urology... have to face moments of great economic, emotional and personal cost.

Psychological keys to manage infertility

These are the psychological keys to not let infertility wear us down emotionally.

1. Do not hide the reason for not having children.

Telling our loved ones what is happening to us helps us to make this process a little easier, as well as talking about the emotions that we feel at any given moment, because there is no need to spend this time in solitude..

It is important to tell what is happening in order to avoid uncomfortable questions from your closest environment.. It is not a matter of telling everyone what is happening, but of not hiding it, because there is no reason to hide this situation; in fact, doing so leads us to distance ourselves from acceptance and therefore to make the process longer and more painful.

2. Seek professional psychological help

It is important to get the necessary tools to manage this long and hard process. Both for a better management of emotions, as in the help in the grieving process in the case of miscarriage or longing for the baby that never comes.

That is why it is advisable to go to psychotherapy, the space where emotional health professionals can provide support.

3. It enhances the management of emotions associated with infertility.

In the long process of fertility treatment emotions of anger, insecurity, sadness, helplessness, guilt, frustration, and often the question "Why me?and often the question "Why me?", "Why us?" appears.

If during this process, both at the time of testing, the test results, the hormonal treatment in the case of women, the so-called "beta wait" ... specialized psychological help is not available, problems of mood, anxiety and stress management may arise.which influence both the coping and acceptance of the situation and the results of the treatment.

Psychological intervention is specialized in intervention in emotional management and minimizing the effects of stress, process of acceptance of infertility diagnosis and bereavement intervention.

Infertility grief process and the importance of psychological assistance.

When we lose a loved one, we receive the support of our family and friends, we can hold a farewell ceremony, we can hold a wake for their body. But... What happens when you have that same feeling and you can not do all this process? What happens when for example pregnancies occur, but do not reach full term? You can not embrace that baby that you are longing for or that you have made so many plans for with your partner?.

It is very important to carry out a bereavement with the support of teams of professionals, thus going through all its phases (shock, anger, negotiation, despair, acceptance and search for alternatives).

Psychological counseling in this case helps to understand and deal with the emotional consequences.. It is very important to overcome all these phases before generating alternatives to the fact of not achieving parenthood.

By mourning correctly, we will be able to reduce feelings of guilt, avoid extreme despair or the feeling that "my life will not be the same", physical symptoms of anxiety, uncontrolled anger, difficulties in the functioning of daily life in terms of social relationships, work and the derivation of possible anxiety disorders or depression associated with this problem.

How can we help a person with infertility?

We often tell our family members or friends who are going through this process messages such as "don't give up", "it will come", "it will come when you least expect it", "relax and it will come". This type of messages, probably from all our affection, can lead to harm, since we can not ensure that the baby will arrive, therefore, we do not help the baby.Therefore, we do not help these people to accept a situation that may eventually lead to the fact of not being parents.

At the same time, by saying especially to the woman in this case, "relax and it will come" in an indirect way we are making her feel even more guilty because we assume that the cause of not getting pregnant is her level of stress or anxiety..

You should never give a "diagnosis" of the situation such as "sure if you lose or gain weight you will get pregnant", "you probably won't get pregnant because of the stress in your life", "you have left him a lot".... These messages never help a couple in these circumstances.

It is more advisable in these cases to accompany and show our support, phrases like "whatever happens I will be there", "I can get an idea of how you feel", "cry if you need to" "you have the right to feel this way" are messages of great help that leads the person to overcome this and not to feel alone.