How to get your ex back, 3 keys you need to know

Whenever the ex-partner has left a door open, we can consider renewing the relationship.

Throughout our lives we have all experienced one or more courtships that, unfortunately, do not always end well. And all of us who have experienced a breakup know how difficult it is to let go of someone we love.

The lack of love can affect us so deeply that we can suffer an existential crisis, in which we question our own values and that can last for months or even years. It is not easy to leave behind that person we have come to love so intensely and with whom we thought we would share the rest of our lives.

After a breakup many people decide to move on with their lives and others try to get back together with their ex. If you are in this situation and you opt for the second option, you must be clear that trying to go back to our ex-partner should never be for fear of being alone, emotional dependence or low self-esteem.The emotional dependence or low self-esteem, and it should always happen and when we are well with ourselves.

After a breakup: to return or not to return to our ex?

To separate from that special someone for us supposes to go through a process of mourning.We must go through several stages before regaining emotional stability. When we lose our lover, we also lose the common goals that united us and we leave behind many memories, some of which continue to make an appearance in our mind again and again after the person has left our life.

The breakup of a couple usually comes as a shock to us, especially if we have been dumped. And in the first days after the breakup, denial or love withdrawal are common. Eventually, we can accept the situation and move on with our lives, but it doesn't happen overnight.

Quitters may have an easier time getting over a breakup, because they usually begin the grieving process before they leave the relationship, although they also suffer and may experience guilt at some point in the process of falling out of love. However, they usually have a reason that drives them to end the relationship, and although there are cases in which the person who leaves regrets doing so, from the outset they are usually aware that something is wrong with their courtship or marriage.

But... is a breakup an end for good? Although a breakup may lead one to think that everything is over and that all is lost, this is not true! Some couples re-experience love after they have separated.

And why does this happen? For many reasons. For example, because human beings are complex and, sometimes, we can end a relationship when there is still a feeling of love between two people, because of a simple argument that has been handled incorrectly or because in the distance we can value something that at the time we did not value.

Reasons to return or not to return with the ex-partner.

After a breakup, you may consider the possibility of getting back together with your ex. However, you should know that this is not always possible and it is not always up to you. In addition, when it comes to considering the possibility of getting back together with your exyou must take into account a series of advantages or disadvantages of reviving the love you had with that person you consider special to you.

Advantages of getting back together with your ex

Some of the advantages of getting back together with your ex are:

• You already know each other and there has already been an emotional connection between you. If he or she valued positive aspects of you at the time, re-establishing a relationship with that person without conflict may bring back that intense feeling called "love".
• Second chances can work out well if we learn from the past.
• If you learn from your mistakesIf you learn from your mistakes, it can be a much more mature relationship.
• After a breakup, the bond can be stronger as you realize how much you love each other.
• It can benefit your children, if you have any.
• If there is a good connection againIf there is a good connection again, you are not left with the feeling that you never tried again.

Disadvantages of getting back together with your ex

Getting back together with your ex also has disadvantages. Here are some of them:

• After leaving him/her, the relationship may no longer be the same and the feeling that united you is hidden behind resentment or disillusionment. If respect is lost, it is hard to get it back.
• If you have tried several times, going back to your ex may be preventing you from growing.
• You close the door to meeting someone new by not ending this stage of your life.
• The damage can be greater when you try to get back together with your ex over and over again. Sometimes a timely withdrawal is better.
• You may try to get back together with your ex because, even though you know he or she is not right for you, you don't have the strength to leave him or her.

How to get your ex back

Getting back with your ex is a controversial issue, which must be assessed on an individual basis, depending on the characteristics of each relationship, and should only be a possibility when there is respect and the relationship between the two of you is equitable and healthy.

Sometimes, relationships end because there are failures in communication. This indicates that it is possible to recover the love or feeling that brought the couple together, as long as the breakup was not traumatic. as long as the breakup has not been traumatic..

If you believe that the relationship with your ex was worth it and you do not want that relationship to end. You can take into account some of these keys to get your ex back.

1. Be critical of yourself and the relationship

First of all, you need to be critical of the reasons for the breakup and whether you had anything to do with it. For example, if your partner complained that you were unloving and you think he/she is right, you can take it into account if he/she gives you a chance to remedy it.

On the occasions when you are at fault, you can try to repair the situation. However, if your ex does not want to be with you for any reason beyond your control and she explicitly tells you so (e.g., she is with someone else), you should not try to get her back, you should not try to get her back..

2. Getting back does not only depend on you

When it comes to getting your ex back, you must be clear that this situation does not only depend on you. You cannot make a person love you if he/she wants to stay away from you, because if he/she has no intention of coming back to you, you can jeopardize your dignity and increase the conflict between you.

If your ex gives you signs to come back, take advantage of that opportunity. But if he/she makes it clear that he/she wants nothing to do with you, don't insist. In these cases it is better to accept it and move on with your life..

3. Work on yourself

As you can see, that they love you does not only depend on you, and that a person considers you attractive or not either. What does depend on you is to work on your personal growth and maximize your attractiveness. Maybe in time the other person will see that you have changed (if you should have). If the flame between you really is still aliveYou won't need to do anything special to get back together with your ex, because he or she will want to reconnect with you because of who you are, the affection you have for each other, how good he or she feels around you and what you bring to them.

Working on your personal growth will have a big impact on your self-esteem. If you want to know how to work on your personal growth, you can read our article: "Personal growth: how to transform your life in 6 steps".