How to help children to control their emotions: 4 keys

Contrary to popular belief, not teaching children to control their emotions from childhood is harmful.

Many parents believe in a myth that, if applied to all facets of parenting, can be very harmful to the youngest members of the household. This belief consists of the idea that children should limit themselves to interacting with their emotions by expressing them spontaneously, without making an effort to learn about them or the consequences of regulating them in one way or another.

In reality, helping children learn to control their emotions is fundamental.. Next we will see why this is so and of what way we can put of our part so that they get used to live their emotional part doing that this one plays in their favor.

Why is it good for children to control their emotions?

It is important to keep in mind that although the way in which we experience emotions in the first person is subjective, the consequences of expressing them in one way or another are objective. So much so, that a good part of the process that makes us adults consists of mastering basic emotional regulation skills that allow us to achieve long-term goals and live in society.

If we take it for granted that the only important thing is to experience emotions, we are feeding a philosophy of life that sees the emotional and affective aspect as something in which we are passive subjects and in which we participate only as receivers. The ideal is, in any case, to be clear that one must and can consciously influence the emotional and affective processes of our lives. consciously influence the psychological processes linked to feelings and affections.... and that this ability should be taught already during childhood.

How to teach emotional self-control to children.

So, we will now review several tips on how to encourage children to control their emotions according to their goals and interests, rather than just being a mere recipient of emotional states.

However, it should be kept in mind that very young children, 7 years old or younger, will have difficulty thinking about certain nuances attributable to emotions. For example, they will understand what "fear" means, but they will have a hard time understanding what fear of not being able to do something is. That is why parents and guardians must adapt to the degree of abstraction in which the little one is able to think.

1. Educate in affective prediction

Affective prediction is the mental ability that allows us to establish forecasts about our emotional state in the future. Focusing on this skill makes it easier for children to learn why it is useful and good to learn to manage emotions, since it favors the habit of comparing expectations, on the one hand, and reality, on the other. comparing expectations, on the one hand, and reality, on the other..

One proposed activity, for example, could be to ask the child to think about how he/she thinks he/she will feel if he/she goes to talk to a boy or girl he/she would like to be friends with, and ask him/her, once he/she has gone to meet that other person, to think about how he/she feels and compare his/her emotional state with the one he/she predicted. In these cases it is very frequent that a much higher degree of fear and tension has been predicted than that which is later experienced.

2. Teach him to postpone gratification.

The ability to defer gratification is one of the most important, as it allows us to opt for long-term goals that require giving up other short-term goals that bring much greater benefits.

Set challenges based on setting a time during which a reward must be a prize has to be given up in order to reach a more important goal is very is very good, since it generates a habit based on constant effort that will bear fruit in the long term.

To do this, it is important to keep in mind that the younger you are, the harder it is to postpone rewards; the idea is not to exceed this minimum time during which you have to endure, as this would make the task be seen as unrealistic.

For example, if you calculate that there are some math activities to do at home that will take a half hour of work, you can divide that half hour into segments of 10 or 15 minutes, at the end of which there are a few minutes of rest or leisure time.

3. Don't reward tantrums

This is very important. Some parents, without realizing it, make up for the fact of having a tantrumSome parents unwittingly make up for tantrums, since these situations cause discomfort and discomfort, and giving what is wanted is the simplest way to make the immediate problem go away. However, society does not work that way.

On the one hand, the family is the only group of people who have the duty and responsibility to spend time with that future adult, so the rest have no reason to consider giving in to such blackmail. is not conducive to learning how to work things out for oneself.on the contrary.

Thus, one of the best ways to help young sons and daughters, or children in one's care, learn to control their emotions is simply not to give rewards for expressing feelings of anger and annoyance in too extreme a way.

4. Construct explanations for failures together.

Controlling emotions is always about putting in a certain amount of effort to be able to aspire to long-term goals or that have to do with participation in social circles. Frustration can cause children to embrace the idea that regulating emotions in order to reach long-term goals is useless, and that the sacrifices made along the way are not worth it.

Thus, it is good that in situations that can produce frustration, the older ones help the little ones to understand what has happened, and to see that where at first it seemed that the efforts have been in vain, what has happened is that they have had a better chance to succeed, although it may not be evident.

For example, if after having studied a little more than usual for an exam, the grade received has been bad, the child may think that this result would have been exactly the same as the one he would have obtained if he had given in to the feeling of fear and had not bothered to face this discomfort by exposing himself to the uncomfortable task of practicing with exercises that one finds difficult. Making her see that behind that apparent failure there has been progress is key.