How to Help Shy Children: 12 Tips

Several guidelines to help children with certain problems relating to others.

Each one of us is different from the others. We have different lives and different histories, which make us see reality in a unique and unrepeatable way. However, there are common patterns of behavior and ways of perceiving the world. Although technically we do not form our personality until we are beyond adolescence and have acquired our identity, some of our personality traits will be visible from childhood.

An example of this is the existence or not of shyness. Although it is a trait that is not (contrary to what many seem to think) harmful in itself, the truth is that it can hinder the expression of feelings and thoughts and reduce the possibility of establishing affective bonds with peers or reduce the quality of these bonds.How to help shy children in their daily lives? In this article we offer a series of proposals that can contribute to overcome this shyness.

What do we consider shyness?

Shyness is considered to be a temperamental trait consisting of the tendency to withdraw, to not express emotions and thoughts with facility and to attract attention as little as possible. This trait is especially linked to the level of self-esteem and security, correlating negatively with both and especially with the latter.

The shy child will tend not to express him/herself in the presence of strangers or people he/she does not trust, seek safer environments and avoid exposure or attention in large crowds. In other words, the shy child has a reserved demeanor and tends to be more contemplative, although deep down he or she may want to actively participate in what is going on.

It is important not to confuse shyness with introversion. not to confuse shyness with introversion.The introverted person needs lower levels of external activation than an extraverted one, needing less social contact. It is not that he/she is asocial or has no friends, he/she simply needs less contact. However, a shy child may have an extroverted nature and not show it out of fear or insecurity.

As we have already mentioned, this trait is not necessarily negative. On the one hand, it makes it easier for the subject in question to evaluate situations and act after analyzing and checking how the situations work. On the other hand, if it is very accentuated it can limit the interaction of the person who has it with the environment and hinder social relations.. It is in this last situation, when the shy child begins to have problems derived from this trait, that we ask ourselves what we can do to help him overcome his shyness.

Tips for helping shy children

When trying to help a child to overcome his shyness, we must keep in mind that much of his situation stems from a lack of confidence and security. It is also important to keep in mind that, although the intentions are good, some of the classic ways that many people use to help their children overcome their shyness can actually further diminish their self-confidence and self-esteem. Here are some ways to help the shy child that may be helpful.

1. Encourage their achievements

It is important for a child, especially if he or she is shy and insecure, to see how his or her approaches to acting are encouraged and experienced as positive by parents or teachers. are encouraged and viewed as positive by their parents or teachers.. Praising and congratulating their performance will make the child feel more confident and facilitates and reinforces their future behavior and expression. Of course, the congratulations must be sincere.

2. Teach them to relativize and positively value their mistakes.

Making mistakes is not a bad thing, but rather an opportunity to learn. Shy people are often afraid of doing things wrong and being judged for it. Teach them that this is not the case. It's not about pretending to do everything right, but rather about make him see that making mistakes is a good thing, because in the long run itIn the long run, it will allow him to improve his performance and that he will not be looked down upon because of it.

3. Don't point fingers or criticize

Closely linked to the previous one. A child who feels insecure is not going to feel better because we tell him that he is shy or criticize his lack of performance. This is a mistake that, surprisingly enough, many people make in their attempt to spur their little ones on, as a fit of misdirected anger or even without realizing it.

4. Increase positive self-instructions and self-reinforcements.

Shy people tend to undervalue their achievements and maximize their mistakes.and do not sufficiently self-reinforce themselves for the former. It is also common for them to give themselves negative or doubtful self-instructions, such as the typical "I can't..." or "I don't know...". We must try to change these ways of self-direction, as well as to congratulate ourselves when we do things well.

5. Generate opportunities for socialization

A good way to try to help shy children overcome their shyness is to provide situations where they can test and confront their insecurities and meet people. For example, going to the park with him allows him not only to spend time together but also to come into contact with his peers. contact with his peers.. It is important that at least initially the parent or a trusted figure is present or in the vicinity, so that the child can seek support and feel more secure.

6. Don't force it!

Although it may seem contradictory to the previous point, it is not. It is one thing to make it easier for the child to have social contact, but it is quite another to force him to do so when he does not want to, or to force him to play with or approach children he does not know and does not want to know. This will be seen as an imposition and as something aversive.This will be seen as an imposition and as something aversive, causing resistance and making it difficult to really overcome shyness. It is about the child flowing naturally, not how or when we want him to flow.

7. Overprotection does not help

It is logical that we want our children, students or children in general to be safe and happy at all times. And as we have said, criticisms, pointing fingers and the experience of social performance as an obligation do not help but rather harm the possibility of increasing their self-confidence. But putting them in a bubble where everything is done right, everything is done for them and nothing bad ever happens can also lead to the same thing: the child may feel unable to cope with real life, not knowing how to react to real life.not knowing how to react to environmental and social demands or to possible aversive elements.

8. Set an example

Children imitate what they see at home from infancy. One way to help them overcome shyness is to model how to interact with others. If they see proactivity and socialization as normal, they will learn the ways of doing things that they observe and it will be easier for them to act in the same way.

9. It favors their decision making and responsibility

One way to help children feel more self-confident is to involve them in making decisions. Suggest that they decide things, no matter how small they are (for example, where he wants to go or what he wants you to play), and making them effective allows him to see that his opinions are taken into account and that they have an effect on reality.

10. Hobbies

Another aspect that can help shy children so that their character does not interfere or even diminish this trait is the realization of activities that interest them. Writing, board games, sports, painting, music, dance or cooking are some examples of activities that they may enjoy, and whose mastery can increase their self-confidence. Again, we remind you that the child must like it and not be an element of pressure.

11. Theater or role playing

Although it could actually be included in the previous section, this element has been separated because in it the child must take the role of another person or being, representing a series of characteristics and ways of acting that do not necessarily have to be their own. The child can learn and observe other ways of acting. The interpretation also often favors the emergence of improvisation and have a fast pace that although demanding does not usually leave much time to assess whether things are being done well or poorly.

12. Encourage them to express themselves

It is important to keep in mind that shy children tend to keep things to themselves. Therefore, it is useful to use techniques and activities that allow them to express themselves. Drawing, symbolic play or creating stories together with him are good ways to do this.