How to know if I am obsessed with someone: 4 warning signs

Being obsessed with someone can wear down both our quality of life and theirs.

Affective relationships are based on caring about another person, so feeling that we like someone so much that our attention is focused on them.So feeling that we like someone so much that our attention is usually focused on them is natural.

However, sometimes that attraction goes beyond what can be considered positive for mental health. That's why many people wonder.... How do I know if I have an obsession with someone?

Let's see what are the signs or symptoms of developing an unhealthy emotional attachment that makes us dependent on the attention and affection of another person.

How to know if you have an obsession for someone

Obsession with a person manifests itself in many different ways, and all of them are associated with cognitive (of distorted thoughts and beliefs) and emotional symptoms. Let's see what are those typical symptoms that arise on these occasions.

1. Everything reminds you of her

In falling in love it is normal that many of the things we see remind us of the loved one, but in cases where someone feels obsession for another person, these associations between the stimulus and the memory (usually images of the person for whom we feel attraction) are more extravagant.

Because of this facility in establishing relationships between what we see and the image of the other person, practically everything reminds us of that person, which makes our day to day life revolve around them..

2. The desire to always be close to her arises.

Someone who feels obsessed by another person does not necessarily seek to attract his or her attention, since this depends a lot on the type of personality and the level of self-esteem that he or she has (someone who does not value himself or herself will probably be afraid to expose his or her imperfections to the person for whom he or she feels attraction).

What usually happens, however, is that an intense desire to be close to hersometimes even if he/she is not aware of it. This last situation can compromise the intimacy of the person who generates attraction, having someone who follows her closely both physically and virtually, through new technologies and specifically through the Internet.

In the most extreme cases in which there is harassment, the person being followed may even consider him/herself in danger when perceiving that someone is intruding too much in his/her life or that he/she may even receive physical attacks; regardless of whether this occurs or not, it is an erosion of his/her quality of life that generates suffering from the very first moment.

3. Frustration

Normally, those who feel obsessed by a person suffer because their expectations of being with that person are not satisfied by reality. This is due to the fact that in most cases someone who has entered into this emotional dynamic demands a degree of involvement in the relationship. demands a degree of involvement in the relationship that few people are willing to offer.. Even in love relationships.

This causes her to feel a certain level of anguish, not because of whether the other person will agree to relate to her more in the future, but because of the present situation, which is perceived as a stage of stagnation. On the one hand, all that matters is to be with that person; on the other hand, this "project" is not progressing much.

4. Moments to fantasize

As we have seen, obsession often leads to frustration. As a consequence, it is very common to fantasize about an alternative reality in which everything goes much better and the relationship progresses.

These fantasies are recurrent and not only arise just before going to sleep, but also in many moments of free time.but in many moments of free time when there is not much to do.

What to do?

So far we have seen the symptoms that indicate that you may have an obsession with another person, but... what can be done about it? How to deal with this psychological phenomenon?

The first thing to keep in mind is that the other person's decisions always take precedence over his or her life, and therefore we cannot treat him or her as if he or she were someone without the capacity to manage his or her own day-to-day life. If she has chosen not to get involved in a relationship as we would like, we have to accept it, and if that causes us a lot of discomfort, the best thing to do is to cut off contact altogether.

On the other hand, in cases where having a certain amount of contact with the person we are obsessed with is not a problem, we should be aware that a good part of these cases of obsession are usually due to an excess of idealization.

Analyzing the imperfections that she presents (or that we could interpret as such in any other person) is useful, but, of course, we must not offend her by confronting her with these facts.

Bibliographical references:

• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Lewis, Thomas; Amini, F., & Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. Random House.