How to offer condolences at the loss of a loved one

Simple tips on how to offer condolences in the most appropriate way.

Condoling with a friend, family member or co-worker can be a challenge for some people. for some people. It is a delicate moment for several reasons, and the state of psychological vulnerability of the person to whom we are giving condolences is one of them, as well as the fear of offending or hurting them emotionally.

In this article we will see several tips on how to give condolences in various situations, as well as examples to do it in the best possible way.

Tips on how to give condolences properly

Saying condolences is not just a ritual that is done out of habit. It has, in fact, a very concrete utility: to show the person who is grieving the loss of a loved one that they are not alone, that the psychological Pain they feel has not disconnected them from the world, and that there is someone out there who cares about their well-being..

Now, giving condolences is not something as simple as saying a sentence without worrying about how it is done; in cases where there is a strong emotional charge, the how matters as much or more than the what.

So, let's look at a series of fundamental ideas on how to express condolences in an appropriate and simple way, without giving rise to misunderstandings. without giving rise to misunderstandings, ambiguities or awkward situations that may seem disrespectful. that may seem disrespectful.

1. Do not plan phrases that make you stand out.

Giving condolences is not about making memorable contributions, nor is it about giving unsolicited life lessons or surpassing others in the originality of what is said. It is, without more, communicating a willingness to give support to that person who has lost a loved one, and to offer a moment of closeness that he or she can appreciate. The important thing is to make the interlocutor feel the best possible way.

2. Tend toward spontaneity.

If you find that you are preparing a mental script of what you are going to say, try not to be too detailed, and do not try to memorize it perfectly. do not try to memorize entire sentences perfectly.. This will only give you more reason to be nervous, and it will detract from the honesty of your delivery.

Just think of a simple message, organize the main ideas that should appear in it, and don't worry about the content. In these cases, we usually tell how we heard the news of the person's death, how it made us feel, and then go on to show support for the listener, all in a matter of seconds, without going on for too long.

For example: "Last night my sister called me and told me about your father. I'm very sorry, he was a very good man. If you need anything, let me know".

Think that what is said to express condolences should be relatively brief, since otherwise it may seem that you are claiming the limelight of the moment, and on the other hand that makes the other person can not express themselves as they would like.

3. Don't make assumptions about how bad they must feel

It is out of place to make estimations about how bad the person to whom we are giving condolences must be feeling, since on the one hand this is obvious, and on the other hand, it is not the only way to express our condolences. such a phrase reminds you of the pain of the loss, causing you to feel worse at that very moment..

4. Keep it simple

Go for honesty rather than convoluted formulas to communicate. Among other things because it is not necessary to demand a lot of attention from the other person to be able to understand what we are saying to him/her: to give condolences should be something fluid, in which the listener does not have to invest effort..

5. Choose the right moment

The context in which condolences are given is also part of the message. Choose well when and where to communicate what you want to say.Make sure that it is not a setback or an interruption for the other person.

It is preferable to do it in a place that offers at least a little privacy (for example, not in a large group of people paying attention to the conversation).

6. Adapt the degree of proximity

If you feel uncomfortable getting too close to people or touching someone you don't trust very much, it is better not to force an excessive approach..

Similarly, if because of your interlocutor's personality or cultural roots or because of your relationship, physical contact is inappropriate, it is also best to avoid this. It is not obligatory to give a hug, or even to touch the shoulder or side.

7. Do not ask for explanations or long answers

It is important that when expressing condolences the other person does not feel pressured to talk about how he or she is feeling.. It should be completely optional and voluntary.