How to start living for myself and not for others? 7 keys

Fighting for one's own projects instead of always doing it for others is necessary to progress.

A curious thing happens in personal relationships: once we have decided to fight for the welfare of the people around us and start sacrificing for others, our past acts of kindness can become enslaved. Or, at least, if we lose control of the situation.

The reason for this is that if everyone assumes that we are there for whatever others need, to stop offering our help and efforts becomes a sign of selfishness, or even cruelty. However, it is possible to to break with this dynamic and to fight for oneself instead of always fighting for others..

7 keys to live for me and not for others

When it comes to gaining autonomy and freedom, it is necessary to act on our beliefs and thoughts as well as on our habits. Let's see how to do it. All this, to answer the question: how to start living for me?

1. Work on self-compassion

Some say that those who live by and for others do so because they experience something similar to masochism. This kind of statement is clearly an exaggeration, but it contains some truth.

The fact is that those who have become accustomed to always sacrificing themselves for others do so on the basis of a deeply internalized belief that one owes something to others, i.e., that one's existence owes something to others.that is to say, that one's existence must be constantly compensated by good deeds. The reasons for adopting this belief may vary greatly from case to case, but this feeling of contempt for oneself is there.

This is why it is essential to work on self-compassion, to embrace the habit of not judging oneself constantly and cruelly.

2. Adopt a detached perspective

In situations where there are clashes of interests that are usually resolved in one person always accepting the conditions of the others, it is good for the sacrificing person to learn to adopt a more objective perspective..

To do this, it is necessary that she sticks to data that are undeniable and draws conclusions from reflection on them. To do this, it may even be useful to use pen and paper and write down in a table the advantages and disadvantages that accepting the proposal has for oneself, on the one hand, and for the other person or organization, on the other.

3. Learn to say no

Something as simple as saying no to certain requests does a lot of good, especially when up to that moment we were accepting any request that was made to us.

The complicated thing in these cases is to know how to manage the anxiety that can produce situations in which we want to decline one of these "invitations" to make an effort so that another person benefits from it. In this sense there is no other trick than to force oneself to do it.We must firmly resolve that, no matter what happens, we must respond with a clear "no".

Think of it this way: it may seem cruel to you to have to do that, but that is only because you are probably not in the habit of making requests and "bad deals" to others and, consequently, you are not used to being denied these kinds of favors either.

4. Detect forms of manipulation

It is not easy, but in order to free ourselves from the habit of living for others, we must learn to recognize manipulation wherever it occurs. learn to recognize manipulation where it occurs.

For example, accusations of having previously asked for favors that were not actually attended to or of having too much free time may seem very obvious if they are explained in writing, but in the course of a dialogue in real time they can work and make us feel guilty in an irrational way, without falling into the cynical nature of this kind of approach.

5. Accept the possibility of letting people go.

There are relationships that, although in many cases they started well, over time they are only maintained based on emotional blackmail and entrenched conflicts. This is natural and with the passage of time it is almost inevitable that we do not go through one of these situations.

But more important than the Pain that toxic relationships like these can cause us, is to accept that it's okay to cut off contact with someone who has been who has been in our day-to-day life for a long time. Basically because the opposite is that these people can use us as "hostages" to make us do what they want in exchange for not leaving our side.

6. Give yourself whims

To begin to respect oneself is a way to make our actions begin to form new beliefs about our own identity. And if we treat ourselves habitually with respect and affection, in the end our own self-image has many possibilities of adjusting to this new reality, getting rid of preconceived ideas of guilt. Self-esteem is also key in this process..

7. Throw yourself into new personal projects

If everyone seems very busy and asks you to help meet other people's goals, it may also be, in part, because you don't have important goals to meet. don't have important goals to accomplish. So start adventures and develop projects that really interest you. This way, it will be up to you to use your time in activities that fulfill you, and not always to please others.