How to Stop Being Afraid of Love: 5 Tips

The fear of falling in love or life with a partner is a more common problem than it seems.

There are those who, when it comes to love, prefer not to leave their comfort zone and remain in a healthy bachelorhood. But sometimes this vital option is seen not so much as the result of a freely made decision, but as an imposition; the world forces us not to bet on falling in love, but deep down we would like not to give up this experience and to deepen it. Fear of love is something that limits our freedom.

So, how can we stop being afraid of love? It is not an easy task, since this kind of psychological problems and conflicts are based on emotions deeply rooted in preconceived beliefs about both the environment and ourselves. However, it is possible to "train" ourselves in other ways of thinking and feeling that do serve our interests and improve our quality of life.

To stop being afraid of love: what to do?

Falling in love is one of the phenomena that mark a before and after in our lives. The torrent of emotions that love produces fills practically every facet of our daily lives, to the point where it can become a source of fear.The torrent of emotions that love produces fills practically every facet of our daily lives, to the point where recurring ideas and mental images can appear.

But, just as it happens in many other experiences, love also entails certain costs. Some of them have to do with the investment in time, effort and resources necessary to maintain a functional love relationship, and therefore it is already known beforehand that these kinds of sacrifices will have to be made. But others are probabilistic: they may or may not occur. Falling out of love is an example of the latter.

As a consequence, many people develop a fear of love or falling in love, so that they deny themselves the possibility of being with someone on a regular basis. deny themselves the possibility of being with someone on a regular basis while retaining that type of bond. and retain that kind of emotional attachment.

But sometimes the same person may have conflicting interests. This is why the concept of fear of love makes sense: where it appears, what happens is not that, after reasoning about it, one comes to the conclusion that entering into a relationship is not worthwhile considering the objective situation in which one lives, but that, regardless of the moment and the context, one fears the possibility of falling in love, one fears the possibility of falling in love or experiencing love with another person, whoever it may be.whoever it may be.

We will now review a series of tips on how to stop being afraid of love, in steps that must be adapted to each case.

1. Make concrete what you are afraid of

A fear can be broken down into a series of more concrete experiences or consequences that are those that we really want to avoid. To begin to stop being afraid of love, it is necessary to try to be very to be very conscious of the real causes of this phenomenon..

To do this, we must go through an initial stage of self-discovery. In this case, it is necessary to analyze what are the forecasts and the mental images that we associate that we associate with what would happen if we do not renounce love, and write them down in a document that we will only use ourselves and that we do not have to share with anyone.

Once you have done this, try to group these fears according to whether they meet these criteria.

• Does it have to do with your self-esteem or self-concept?
• Does it have to do with the fear of losing that person?
• Does it have to do with what people will say?
• Does it have to do with sex?

Once this is done, you will have a directory or "map" of the problem. Possibly one of the above categories will fit our case much better than the others, or at most two. With that, we will know where to direct our efforts.If you think the problem is sexual, the best thing to do is to attend therapy with sexologists; if the problem is about what people will say, the problem will be based on your relationship with the people around you or how you interpret those relationships.

Next we will focus on the cases in which the fear of love arises from problems of self-esteem, self-concept or fear of loss, which are the most common.

2. Review your idea of love

It is very possible that, although it sounds paradoxical, you have idealized the experience of love. The image given by other couples is usually positiveIn the same way, the world of cinema has been striving for years to normalize a type of love relationships that fit the romantic ideal according to which, even after going through serious problems caused by external circumstances, two people in love become perfectly matched.

Thus, self-esteem problems are capable of facilitating the emergence of the thought that we are not ready to embark on such a sublime and perfect lifestyle, that only totally self-realized people can afford such a luxury.

But this is a mistake, given that most often there is a certain degree of conflict in all couples, simply because they are dealing with each other.This is a mistake, as there is usually a certain degree of conflict in all couples, simply because they are two individuals with different interests and points of view. Even identical twins don't go through life without arguing once with each other, so in couple relationships, where intimate dealings are more common in adult life, these tensions are more likely to be there.

In this sense, to solve this we have to modify our beliefs both about love relationships and about what we are and what we are capable of. Relationships, in the end, only require very basic and intuitive ingredients: empathy, love, and a willingness to make an effort to live well with the other person and learn all the daily routines to do so.

3. Get perspective on past experiences

It is very common that the fact of having gone through bad experiences in love generates a rejection to falling in love. When this happens, starting to feel these emotions for someone is seen as a problem that becomes obsessive, because there is no clear way to prevent the feelings from running their course, unless we try to avoid that person, completely altering our quality of life and giving usThis completely alters our quality of life and gives rise to anxiety and a certain paranoia about whether we are going to meet that person.

But it is necessary to have clear that the problems that happened in previous unlove affairs are not "the essence" in itself of love, but rather problems occurred in a relational dynamic. Each relationship is to some extent unique, and if an ex-boyfriend gave problems, it does not mean that the next one will also be the same. Sometimes we forget that life is not so long that we have a realistic picture of what love relationships are like with most people.

4. Think that resignation is also a cost

Losing someone for whom you feel love is a cost, but so is avoiding giving falling in love a chance by avoiding those experiences. Even if it does not have key moments, the discomfort generated by this renunciation stretches over time.and it is something that is paid for every day. To stop self-imposing the prohibition of having a love life entails an instant triumph, even if at that moment there is no one to love and start a life as a couple.

5. If you need it, go to psychologists

If the problem is so serious that it is a constant worry, consider seeing a psychologist. Through therapy it is possible to make great advances having a person who from a professional and healthy distanced perspective can help us to "train" a new philosophy of life.