How to stop blaming yourself for everything: 4 tips

Several keys to break this toxic dynamic that leads to unhappiness.

It is clear that if we must be perfectionists with something it is our own behavior, but there are people who overdo it. While some people value what they do by analyzing their weaknesses and devising ways to improve, others become obsessed with the habit of blaming themselves for their own mistakes. the habit of blaming themselves for everything bad that happens to them..

To stop blaming oneself for all the bad things that happen to oneself is fundamental to improve in well-being, since if one does not get out of this dynamic, a vicious circle appears in which pessimism and the expectation of failure make it impossible to improve.

How to stop systematically blaming oneself for everything.

In this article we will review some keys to stop blaming oneself for everything and facing life with a more constructive attitude. However, remember that any process of personal development and learning has to go beyond reading, so everything will depend on whether you use these ideas to modify the way you relate to your environment and to others.

1. Relativize the importance of guilt

Even if you are responsible for what happened, this does not mean that guilt has to keep you in misery indefinitely. The only usefulness of this feeling is to to make the memory of that negative experience last in time and to lead us to avoid committing the same and lead us to avoid making the same mistake. If we manage to learn the lesson, the motives to continue martyring ourselves have no reason to exist. In other words, guilt is not a condemnation: it is a learning factor.

Thus, there is nothing that should lead us to think that the mere fact that we feel bad is a reason why we should suffer. In nature, rewards and punishments do not exist beyond the human imagination.

2. Analyze your real weaknesses and strengths

Beyond what you would wish for yourself, it is evident that every person has his or her imperfections. This means, among other things, that not everyone can do everything at any given moment in his or her life.. Some things they can, and others only if they have a lot of practice or knowledge.

Remembering this is important, because it provides real information about what is really your fault and what is not.

In those situations in which a very complicated and difficult to avoid obstacle has appeared, there is only one situation in which you are to blame for what happened: the one in which it was obvious that this obstacle would appear.and pride or some other form of irrationality led us to go to meet them. Of course, this changes if the reason we "complicated our lives" in this way had to do with protecting another person.

3. Reflect on your relationship with your environment

People who tend to blame themselves for everything tend to keep a low profile in their social relationships. This means, among other things, that they very easily feel they owe things to others, feel they are "underdogs" who live off the goodwill and virtues of others, and they spontaneously adopt submissive roles..

The consequence of this is that as people in their close social circle see that the person has a clear lack of assertiveness and self-esteem, it is normal for them to obey and make sacrifices for others. Of course, when everyone exerts this kind of pressure, it is very easy to fail many times, both because of probability and because of the stress produced by this dynamic of social relationships.

So, in order to stop blaming oneself, it is key to to track down the signs that this phenomenon is occurring in our personal relationships.. Even unconsciously, it is very easy that if we begin to blame ourselves for everything bad that happens, the rest also do the same.

4. Practice compassion

A good part of our perception of the world and of ourselves does not depend on the content of these ideas and beliefs, but on the attention we give to each one of them. the attention we give to each of these elements.. In the same way that thinking only of poverty and suffering would make us depressive, focusing only on one's own imperfections has a similar effect, with the addition that by locating the problem within oneself, there is no point in trying to fix what is wrong: what is broken cannot repair itself, according to this belief.

Therefore, it is good to practice compassion, which in this case is nothing more than applying to ourselves what we usually do with the world: never forget its positive aspects.

In this sense, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help a lot, since it is based on the acceptance of a very specific series of imperfections and on the work to improve in the rest of aspects.