I have a girlfriend but I like someone else: 5 tips on what to do

How to deal with this crisis of the couple bond that unites us with our partner?

Couple relationships are a complex and deep bond and a great source of stimulation. There are conflicts, bumps and difficulties, but they are one of the most significant types of relationships that exist.

However, in the course of a lifetime, it is likely that we will experience more than one relationship crisis. It is also possible that some people who already have a partner may begin to feel attracted to and notice other people, or experience a crush on others.

What happens if you reach a situation similar to a situation similar to "I have a girlfriend but I like someone else"??

I have a girlfriend but I like someone else: what to do?

Finding oneself in a situation in which we have a partner but begin to experience something for another person is difficult and can generate a high level of suffering not only for the current relationship but also for the subject him/herself.

Although this will depend on the type of bond with the partner and the personality and perspective of the subject in this situation, in many cases we are facing a type of situation that can provoke doubts, fear of losing the partner or of hurting him/her, feelings of guilt, anguish, sadness and sadness.anguish, sadness and even in some cases depression.

This phenomenon can occur at any time in a relationship, but it is much more common (and it is when there is usually a higher level of suffering for both) when we are in a phase of relationship and consolidated in which passion and infatuation have lost intensity..

This is partly facilitated by familiarity with the other person, as well as routine: new or different stimuli can attract our attention. In any case and independently of the moment in which it happens, the big question arises: what can I do?

Physical attraction or something else?

First of all we must analyze and take into account if the other person really likes us at a romantic level, or we are talking about sexual attraction or mere sympathy. We must keep in mind that being attracted to other people is something naturaland does not imply any disloyalty on our part unless, in addition to mere attraction, we make an approach for sexual purposes.

On the other hand, it is also possible that we only feel affection or sympathy for another person, without talking about an infatuation and even without any desire for another person.. Without going any further is what happens with friendship.

However, if the other person comes to occupy our thoughts constantly, if we prioritize the company of that person or if we are unsure of what we feel, perhaps a deeper evaluation of what this person generates in us is advisable.

2. If we are facing deeper feelings... ask yourself why...

If it is obvious to us that we are feeling something for someone other than our partner and that goes beyond mere desire, the next step is to analyze why.

In this sense there are many questions that we can ask ourselves, and that can help us to direct our thoughts to discover what really produces us both our partner and this third person.

Some of them are the following:

• What is it about the other person that makes you like him or her?
• Are these feelings born in a context of conflict with the current partner?
• Is this feeling real or just a way to find an escape from the monotony?
• Do you love your current partner or is it just affection and habit?
• Do you like the other person in general or just one aspect of him or her, such as the physical?
• Do you want to have something with that other person?
• Do you consider that the emergence of this type of feelings is due to some lack of the current one?
• Do you want to keep your current relationship?
• Do you stay in your current relationship for fear of being alone?
• Are you willing to give up your current relationship?
• Is there emotional dependence or codependence in the relationship?

3. Evaluate the alternatives

Once we have analyzed what we feel and a possible reason for it, the next step will be to consider and evaluate what alternatives we have. The main ones can be summarized as follows: to continue with the current relationship or to break it, and in the latter case to try or not to start a new relationship..

It is advisable not to make the decision in the heat of the moment and to truly evaluate each option, what it generates and the possible consequences that may derive from them.

It is also necessary to take into account what breaking up implies, including what is going to change and how it is going to affect each of the parties involved (something that may include other types of losses).

It is also important to keep in mind that we should not play with anyone's feelingsNeither with those of your partner nor with those of the person you are interested in: others are not mere toys for our entertainment and enjoyment, but thinking and feeling beings.

4. Make a decision

Once the different alternatives have been evaluated, it is time to make a decision. This final decision has to be made based on what we feel is right and most sincere: we have to act according to what we really want and what we feel good about afterwards.

Whether we continue with our relationship or we decide to break up and start another one, the reason behind it cannot be the fear of losing an opportunity, of not being able to establish or maintain the relationship or of being left alone.

Nor should we subordinate the decision to the otherIt is usually obvious that breaking up will cause Pain to our partner if that is the decision we make, but if our relationship is no longer sustainable, it may be best to leave.

5. After the decision: guidelines to follow

Regardless of the decision that is taken, it is necessary to take into account the need to evaluate what to do afterwards. If we decide to stay with our partner we will have to assume the need to see the other person and also to work on those aspects of the relationship that have made us doubt. Communication is essentialIt should be encouraged and its effectiveness increased.

In the case of routine and monotony, work can be done to experience new sensations and activities and introduce changes that allow the recovery of emotion as far as possible.

If the final decision is to break up, it will be necessary to try to that such a breakup is carried in the best possible waywithout deceiving or blaming the other person. Neither should we try to force the other person to leave the relationship: if it is our decision, we must assume our responsibility. We must also take into account the possibility that our partner or ex-partner may react badly, with anger, sadness or reproaches (although we should not accept violent attitudes).

In any of the cases it is recommended, at least initially, zero contact with the person for whom we have not chosen: If we are in a couple, avoiding the person we were attracted to will reduce possible discomfort or doubts.If we break up, it is also advisable to cut contact or reduce it to a minimum in order not to leave doubts or generate anguish or confusion to the person left or even to ourselves.

Bibliographical references:

• Fehr, B., Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Helen F. (2004). Why We Love: the nature and chemistry of romantic love.