Interested persons: 4 characteristics and how to detect them

There are people who adopt strategies to waste our time without being noticed.

There is a widespread myth in Western societies related to the idea of meritocracy. It is the belief in the self-made man, someone who is successful in life (basically in economic terms), and who owes nothing to anyone, since everything he is has arisen from his effort and decisions. It is a myth precisely because no one has what he has only thanks to his effort.

We are a large part of what we are thanks to the fact that, throughout our lives, other people have contributed to our having the opportunity to reach adulthood, whether we are aware of it or not, and they often help us throughout our lives or a good part of it.

However, in this collaborative network, there are those who choose to take much more than they give. These are self-interested people, who subject their whole philosophy of social relations to a principle: what do I get out of it?who subject their entire philosophy of social relationships to one principle: what do I get out of it?

The 4 characteristics of interested people

If self-interested people are so harmful it is among other things because it is not always easy to recognize them or to intuit their intentions.. Thus, when they try to get something from others without giving anything in return, this fact can be camouflaged in different ways that we will see below.

In addition, although it is difficult to maintain the deception by repeating this kind of behavior over and over again, sometimes there are those who achieve such a powerful power of seduction that we do not even realize that they are taking advantage of us. Once we have entered into a dynamic in which vampirization becomes a habit, it is difficult to detect it. If we have been involved in this relationship for some time, our perception becomes biased and distorted.

For all these reasons, it is important to pay attention to the signs that indicate, in a more or less subtle way, when we are in the presence of one of the interested persons willing to waste our time and efforts. Below you will find the main characteristics of these. Keep in mind that they do not all have to occur at the same time for someone to be considered as behaving in a self-interested manner, and that the fact that one or more actions on this list are fulfilled does not make that person "labeled" for life: these are patterns of behavior that are learned and can therefore be unlearned.

1. Using victimhood

Something that is part of the usual behavior of the people concerned has to do with creating the illusion that everyone is behaving unfairly towards her. In this way, whoever listens to this story assumes that it is reasonable to make sacrifices so that this situation of injustice is compensated, even if only in part.

2. Assuming that we will help

To say no to the request of a favor is something that in the majority of the occasions costs. Those who act in a self-interested way have it easy to exploit this fact: it is enough to act assuming that the other is going to sacrifice for them.

Thus, in order to refuse to do something, you have to fight against double pressure: not only do you have to risk looking selfish, but you also have to break the narrative that the other person creates by the way he or she speaks, according to which the normal thing to do is to act as she expects, adjusting ourselves to the objectives she proposes..

In other words, we have to reformulate the situation, explaining our perspective of the facts, something that the other person did not have to do, since her message was implicit in her way of speaking.

3. They use ways of speaking that make you think of a symmetrical relationship.

When you ask for a favor in an honest way, you do it in a way that makes it clear that you are doing just that: asking for a favor. However, something typical of those who have become accustomed to acting in a self-serving manner is to try to "camouflage" this fact while, in practice, asking for a favor.

For example, when instead of asking for help one is asking to "collaborate", as if both parties were getting something equally valuable and beneficial out of it through an action in which one gives and the other receives what was asked for, one is acting dishonestly. It is true that these are merely linguistic formulas and do not by themselves cause significant harm, but they set a precedent, on the one hand, and place the other person in a compromise, so that his or her freedom to refuse to perform the favor is limited.

4. They try to pass themselves off as extraverts

The easiest way to recognize when someone is acting self-serving is to look at how they behaved when they had no favor to ask. Among friends it is common to ask for favors, but if it is the case that a request is made to someone less trustworthy, the honest thing to do is to get to the point, the honest thing to do is to get to the point, explain what you want.. You can't create a friendship in a few minutes just before you go to ask for something, that's cheating. And no, this is not something that is simply attributable to extraversion and ease of socializing: whoever is extraverted is always extraverted, not only when looking for something concrete that someone can give you.