Interview with Adela Lasierra (IEPP): self-esteem to overcome adversity

We talked about self-esteem with Adela Lasierra, from the European Institute of Positive Psychology.

Self-esteem is one of the most studied concepts in psychology, and something we constantly experience throughout our lives.and something we experience constantly throughout our lives. It is linked to our perception of ourselves, to the notion that there is an "I", and precisely because of this, it is at the core of our way of being and behaving. To learn more about it, we have asked Adela Lasierra, psychologist and expert on the subject, several questions.

Adela Lasierra: self-esteem to keep moving forward

Adela Lasierra is a psychologist and trainer at the European Institute of Positive Psychology, one of the main referents in the field of Positive Psychology both in training professionals and in therapy. In this interview he will talk about self-esteem: what it is, how it develops and how it affects us in our daily lives and the challenges we face.

Many people do not distinguish between these two terms, but... what is the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence? What is our self-esteem?

It is difficult to give a unitary definition of the concept of self-esteem because for each author who has studied it extensively it implies different elements. I personally like the approaches of Walter Riso, Enrique Rojas Marcos or Silvia Congost.

Combining all of them, we can define self-esteem as the "internal, and therefore subjective, photograph that each person has of him/herself on a physical, psychological and social level". Some people use the word self-confidence as a synonym, but I find it closer to associate self-confidence to the feeling of capacity that we have for each of the areas of our life (as professionals, as friends, as a couple, as children...), and that in terms of self-esteem we call self-efficacy.

Why is the correct development of self-esteem during childhood important? What affects its development?

A well-known psychiatrist affirms that "childhood is the schoolyard where we play for the rest of our lives". I think that this phrase answers the question very well since childhood experiences are part of the explanation for the level of self-esteem with which a person arrives at the consultation.

At that time, it is configured according to the bond with parental figures, which can be of conditioned love or unconditional love and the experiences with significant people: relatives, later school mates... Later, adolescence will influence and finally the present moment, based on personal achievements and internal worth.

Can self-esteem vary throughout our lives?

Yes, it can fluctuate slightly and that is something logical and normal. My goal in consultation is to achieve a good baseline based not on external achievements but on an internal feeling in which the person's experiences affect him/her but do not condition him/her. It is about feeling a valid and capable person all the time.

How are the thoughts we have related to our self-esteem?

They are the most important thing, the cornerstone! To work on self-esteem is to work on our internal dialogue, that is, our thoughts. Because in many cases the person who is having more and more frequent displays of self-loathing is yourself.

What about emotional intelligence?

It is key: emotional intelligence is knowing how to choose the thoughts that suit you. It is taking the path of the brave: working on your well-being. The lack of emotional intelligence leads us to take the opposite path, which is the easy one, choosing for example the passive complaint or the constant criticism.

Having a good self-esteem is key to overcome the obstacles that may appear in our life. Why?

Because the person who is going to get you out of all those obstacles is most likely going to be yourself. It is about turning your thoughts into your allies, not your worst enemy.

How can we cultivate good self-esteem?

It is a process that takes time and effort, just as if we wanted to get a toned body!

The first step I would recommend would be to work on selective attention, that is, to become aware that the mind sometimes distorts reality and we focus only on the elements of ourselves that we do not like, both physical and psychological, such as when we relate to other people. We say for example "you made a mistake writing this report, what a disaster you are" and we overlook the fact that the rest of the morning you have been doing your work satisfactorily, without mistakes and on time.

We need to stop zooming in on what we don't like about ourselves and see the big picture. This does not mean denying reality and focusing only on the good, but, taking the previous example, saying "it's true, you made a mistake in one piece of information when writing the report, but what else did you do the rest of the morning? You got the job done on time and with excellent quality".

At IEPP you offer a practical course on self-esteem and positive psychology. What are the benefits for your participants?

The course provides them with a briefcase of specific techniques and tools to improve or strengthen their self-confidence. We work specifically on personal strengths, that is, the elements that contribute to a person's well-being and make him/her function optimally.

At the end of the course, if the recommended dynamics have been put into practice and there has been a proactive commitment to the study of the video lessons, the feeling of personal capacity and worth increases substantially and people get rid of many fears and doubts that were hindering them from reaching their potential, that which Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology defined as the "extraordinary life" and which is none other than the purpose of study on which positive psychology is focused.