Intolerance to failure: why it appears and how to fight it, in 4 keys

This problem of excessive perfectionism can damage self-esteem.

We live in a society that pressures us to give the best of ourselves. However, it does not do so by encouraging us to improve in those aspects of life that seem significant to us, but by making us afraid of the idea of failure.

Intolerance of failure is the consequence of being constantly educated so that every single step we take in our lives gives an image of triumph. In this article we will see why this cultural phenomenon is reproduced generation after generation and what we must do not to let it affect us in a suffocating way.

Intolerance to failure: how does it start?

Surely you are familiar with those cases of fathers and mothers who do everything possible to make their children's lives fit into the image we all have of social and personal success. However, this is something generalized, it does not occur only in these obvious examples. Since our childhood, most family members impose, in a more or less clear and more or less intense way, life goals. These are routes that we are supposed to follow in order to fit in with the idea of success. to fit in with the idea of success.

Of course, this type of goals set do not coincide exactly with what we are really interested in, and sooner or later it becomes clear to us that it is not our fault if the activities proposed by adults are not satisfactory.

However, even after we have moved on to focus on our interests, there remains something in our way of thinking that has to do with the logic passed down to us by our parents and society at large: honing the skills one possesses, and showing these skills to the rest of the world. and the fact of showing these skills to othersis what speaks about who we are. It is what gives us value.

Thus, in our adolescence and youth, we identify with role models that embody everything we want to become. These examples are inspiring, but as we will see, they also contribute to the fear of failure.

The emotional impact of role models

When someone becomes someone we admire, two things happen. On the one hand, on the one hand, we think of all the positive qualities of that person.The fact that we identify ourselves with that inspirational person, but not with the negative ones, since the biased vision we have of that referent makes the former eclipse the latter, due to how impressive they are.

On the other hand, the fact that we identify with that inspirational person makes us gain power over the way we create our self. the way in which we create our self-esteem.. This means that when it comes to judging our achievements and the performance we demonstrate in various aspects of our day-to-day life, these references serve as our horizon.

The people we admire are something we compare ourselves to with some assiduity. However, we do not have as much material with which to compare our failures. As a result, we treat failure as something abnormal, something that should not be there, even though the hidden part of the lives of all those admired people is full of it.

How to learn not to be afraid of mistakes

In order to develop talent it is necessary to fail countless times, and in fact during the learning process failures are the norm. However, although we are theoretically aware of this, we often forget it; we act as if it were not true. What we have to do, then, is to come to our senses and forget about the old and forget about the old complexes and extreme perfectionism, which will lead us to block ourselvesThis will lead us to block ourselves and not to try to start any initiative.

To enter into this new philosophy of life, it will be useful to follow these tips.

1. Rethink your interests

To begin with, it is necessary to be sure that what constitutes the activity from which we judge who we are and how far we can go, is something that really motivates us. something that really motivates us. If this is not the case, it is normal that the effort put into it is not enough, and therefore only the feeling of failure remains.

2. Set achievable goals

If you set realistic and short-term goals, you will be much less likely to obsess about the small failures that happen as you progress.

3. Keep track of your progress

Document the progress of your projects, so that it is easier and simpler to keep track of what you have been achieving. In this way you will be able to see that the mistakes you make are relativeThey are, after all, part of a general trend of improvement.

4. Create belief modification routines

It is necessary to make the excess of perfectionism disappear, and for this it is necessary to modify beliefs. Although this process is much simpler and more effective with the help of personalized psychological care through the service of professionals, you can try to do it on your own.

To do this, dedicate a couple of moments during the week to write down your impressions about the relationship between your successes and failures. First write down how you perceive your failures, and then compare this with how you should perceive them in a more reasonable way, where it is clear that mistakes are part of the learning process, not obstacles.

Then, reflect on those thought patterns that in your day-to-day life cause you to become intolerant of failure. In this way, you will be able to identify the moments when these beliefs appear.