Lack of communication in a couple: 8 ways in which it is expressed.

Different ways in which lack of communication in a couple's relationship wears down the bond.

A fundamental pillar to make a couple's relationship last is communication. But not just any type of communication; it is necessary to learn how to handle assertive and honest communication strategies to adequately deal with problems in a couple's relationship.

In this article we will review the different ways in which the lack of communication in the couple negatively affects the love bond, preventing a healthy development of the couple.In this article we are going to review the different ways in which the lack of communication in the couple affects negatively the loving bond, impeding a healthy development of the quality of life of the members that conform it and of their way of interacting in the day to day.

The importance of communication in love relationships.

Partnerships rely heavily on trust to create a strong bond that holds two people together, and communication is an intrinsic part of the process of trusting someone. When we trust we are able to express our feelings, emotions and opinions in a frank and open way with the other person. with the other person.

In this way, it can be understood then why lack of communication in the couple complicates the fact that the relationship works properly. Avoiding uncomfortable topics and pretending that problems do not exist is counterproductive. is counterproductive, the ideal is to talk to find solutions, as well as to keep the other person aware of what you think and feel about all kinds of significant issues.

It is important for couples with communication problems to be able to recognize this situation in time, so that they can seek the necessary tools to improve this aspect of their relationship. Otherwise, the bond will become dysfunctional..

How does lack of communication affect the couple?

Below we will review a list of the main consequences of lack of communication in the couple's relationship; these are factors that wear down the quality of the emotional bond and expose us to misunderstandings and even to arguments and conflicts.

1. Passive-aggressive attitude

The passive-aggressive communication model can significantly damage the couple in times of conflict. The passive-aggressive attitude is based on appearing composed, a calm expression, a moderate tone of voice, and pretending that nothing is happening when in reality we are irritated and we let it be known in an indirect and ambiguous way.

If you are able to remain calm during discussions, avoid using words that are directly or indirectly hurtful.It is not enough to maintain an appropriate tone of voice and good composure when what you say hurts the other person.

2. Not knowing how to listen

This problem represents one of the most common for couples, and is a consequence of the lack of communication in the relationship. It is common to see how in conversations people listen to respond, rather than to understand the message the other person wants to convey. that the other person wants to convey to them. The longer this situation continues, the more negative consequences it will have.

When this happens during discussions, they become increasingly heated, and never reach a conclusive point, because the partners constantly interrupt each other, preventing anyone from expressing their points of view normally.

3. Anger problems

Difficulties in controlling one's emotions, especially anger, have a significant impact on living together.The difficulties in controlling one's own emotions, especially anger, have a significant impact on the couple's coexistence. This situation generates a vicious circle in which the feeling of anger makes us transmit ideas in a wrong way, and the bad styles of communication make us feel anger.

The best thing to do in this situation is to apply a good emotional recognition, so that we can know immediately that we are angry and avoid acting or saying things during the time that this emotion is maintained. In this way, we will be the ones to control anger, and not the other way around.

4. Negative criticism

When we complain excessively and negatively about our partner, it reveals that we are doing something wrong in the communication process.When we complain excessively and negatively about our partner, it reveals that we are doing something wrong in the communicative process. Criticism is linked to problematic circumstances that we have not been able to resolve.

If you don't like something about your partner, the best thing to do is to tell him/her and find a solution together. But if instead what happens is that you criticize their behavior without having the slightest intention of solving the original conflict, it is time to rethink the communicative styles you use.

5. Ignoring the partner

Ignoring the partner is the most evident form of lack of communication that exists.. It is the total omission of any interest in improving the negative situation that is damaging the relationship. When we ignore, the implicit message we are sending is that we are not interested in doing something to improve the functioning of the relationship.

6. Disrespect

Offenses against the partner only make the initial situation worse. Disrespecting the other while we are having an argument is the equivalent of adding fuel to the fire. We generate a much more tense environment where anger and frustration become masters of the moment.

7. Stubborn attitude

Not giving in is one of the things that keeps us away from proper communication with our partner. Sometimes, it is better to lower our guard and accept that perhaps we have acted in an exaggerated way in some situation. exaggerated in some situation.

Doing this does not imply weakness or submission, on the contrary, it reflects that we are mature enough to understand that we are not always right and there are times when we must accept that we have been wrong, always learning from our mistakes.

8. Focusing only on ourselves

While it is true that we should always have self-love and not allow our partner to be above our needs, it is also necessary to understand that relationships are a matter of (at least) two people, and we cannot only focus on ourselves.and we cannot only focus on ourselves.

The ideal is to learn to see each other's needs as important as well, in order to reach adaptive agreements, which bring benefits to coexistence and generate an atmosphere of equality in the couple.

What to do to solve it?

The possibility of attending couple therapy should be one of the options to be considered by any couple going through this kind of problem.

In these sessions, working to improve the quality of communication is a central aspect of the psychological intervention. The objective is not to look for culprits and victims, nor to make them both unburden themselves without further ado, but to establish communication and coexistence dynamics that take root in the day to day and beyond the sessions with the psychologist, so that the couple's relationship gains new momentum, so that both have resources to manage possible problems or crises that may arise in this loving bond.

That yes, you have to worry about finding a good psychologist; in any case, keep in mind that it is better to opt for professionals trained in this field of intevention, which has its own characteristics that do not occur in individualized psychotherapy.

Bibliographical references:

• Blow, A.J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31: pp. 217 - 233.
• Carreño, M. (1991). Aspectos psicosociales de las relaciones amorosas. Santiago de Compostela: Universidad de Santiago de Compostela.
• Fehr, B.; Russell, J. (1991). The Concept of Love Viewed From a Prototype Perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Sternberg, R.J. (1987). Liking vs. loving: a comparative evaluation of theories. Psychological Bulletin, 102(3): pp. 331 - 345.