Lack of empathy: 12 signs that give it away

Personal relationships can fray because of a lack of empathy. How to detect it?

Empathy is a basic skill that allows us to relate successfully with other members of our species and society, allowing a healthy coexistence in which the rights, freedoms and needs of each of its components are respected.

Thanks to it we can relate to each other at a deep level and value and feel valued by others. But the truth is that not everyone is equally empathetic, and there are even people who completely lack this ability. Not having it can lead to behaviors that are not very understandable for most people and a great disability, and in some people it can even trigger aggression or violence. How can we recognize someone who lacks it? In this article we are going to talk about different signs that give away someone with a lack of empathy.

What is empathy?

We call empathy the ability to put ourselves in the other person's place, understanding the feelings and thoughts that others may be having and how situations or even our own actions affect them. It is about seeing things not in an objective and cold way, but seeing them as the other person experiences them: the implications for the person, their subjectivity, their context and circumstances, as well as their idiosyncrasies and personality must be taken into account.

Empathy is a basic element of deep interpersonal relationships.The lack of this ability can have repercussions in the life of the person who lacks it, as well as in his or her environment, generating instability, loneliness and even problems in adapting to society or following social norms. Its lack can have repercussions in the life of the person who lacks it and also in his environment, generating instability, loneliness and even problems of adaptation to society or the following of social norms.

There can be many causes that can generate a lack of empathy: from the deprivation of affection throughout childhood to the experience of physical, psychological and/or sexual abuse, as well as various neurological, neurodevelopmental or psychological disorders and problems. It is important to keep in mind that each person has his or her own capacities and empathy may be more or less developed in each of us, but the total absence of this ability is difficult and often occurs in different disorders.

One example is the set of autism spectrum disorders. Another is the narcissistic personality or borderline personality. Finally, and being the latter in which the lack of empathy can go hand in hand with the exercise of violence, disobedience of rules and laws and even crimes, is the case of people with antisocial disorder or the case of psychopathy and sociopathy.

Signs that betray the lack of empathy

Here are some signs that reflect the presence of a difficulty or absence of empathy, regardless of the reason for its appearance. It should be taken into account that lack of empathy can occur at a cognitive level (i.e. not knowing how the other person may feel), at an emotional level (although it is known how the other person may feel, it has no emotional impact) or in both directions. Also, in addition to all this, it should be taken into account that the lack of empathy can be associated with different characteristics depending on other facets of personality and cognition, not all items are applicable.not all of the following items are applicable to all subjects with a lack of empathy.

1. Self-immersion

A common characteristic of people with a lack of empathy, especially those with autistic characteristics, is the feeling that they are focused on their inner world and that they are not fully aware of the people around them.

2. Comprehension problems

Not being able to put oneself in the place of others makes it difficult for many people with empathy problems to understand the actions and words of others, as well as the reaction to one's own actions. This can generate suffering in the subject himself or be somewhat indifferent, depending on whether there is a desire for a relationship (as for example in people with Asperger's) or whether the relationship is indifferent.

3. Distorted theory of mind

Theory of mind is the ability we have to realize that other people have their own minds, motivations and desires, and that these may be different from our own. The existence of a lack of empathy may lead to or be related to a problem in this capacity, there being some inability to separate one's own point of view from that of others.

4. Egocentrism

Something common in all people with lack of empathy is egocentrism: they see everything from their point of view, and they do not consider the validity of other points of view.. There can also be selfishness: the only or most important thing is what one wants, the defense of one's rights and the achievement of one's objectives.

5. Narcissism

Although it is not essential, it is frequent that those who lack empathy develop a certain degree of narcissism, considering themselves superior or more valuable than the rest and making their needs above the rights of others.. This aspect is strongly linked to the previous point.

6. Lack of tact and contextual inadequacy

In contact with others, someone who lacks empathy will be characterized by communication that does not take into account or is indifferent to how others may react. Thus, they may disregard pragmatic aspects of language and send messages of great harshness without any tact towards their senders. This sign might not be evident in case of manipulation attempts, if the person possesses a high intelligence and is able to know at a cognitive level how things affect others.

7. Impatience

Another common characteristic of non-empathic people is impatience with others: they cannot understand or do not value the needs of others and find it irritating to have to repeat themselves or spend time doing things with others. time to do things with others, integrating them.integrating them.

8. They follow stereotypes and prejudices

The fact that they have no capacity for empathy makes it common for these people to use stereotypes and prejudices to guide them, acting at a cognitive level and using labels to guide their behavior and thinking. They are also unable to see how these affect the behavior of others.

9. Superficial, destructive or avoided relationships

Common to most people with a lack of empathy is the fact that, unable to identify and value the emotions and thoughts of others as valuable or interesting and unable to put themselves in their place, they generally have shallow and superficial relationships. It is possible that this type of relationship may be merely cordial or that there is a seductive behavior to self-satisfy their needs, or that they are directly avoided because they are incomprehensible.

10. Utilitarian behaviors

A person with a great lack of empathy will tend to use other people as a resource to achieve his or her goals. The fact of not being able to put oneself in the other person's place causes the other person to be devalued and objectified, using him or her either directly or indirectly to achieve personal goals regardless of his or her feelings.

11. Aggressiveness and violence

Although not all people who lack empathy develop violent attitudes (for example, people with autism have problems with empathy and are not usually violent), the fact is that not having empathy makes it easier to resort to aggressive or even violent problem-solving styles as there is no awareness of what this implies for the other or the suffering they may cause.

12. Lack of remorse

Doing something that hurts others usually generates in most people some remorse. However, in those who lack empathy, remorse is non-existent or much less than usual, although they may apologize if they have the cognition that others have suffered or if it suits their purposes.