Limerence: the obsessive need to be loved.

This mental phenomenon is more similar to the expression of an obsessive disorder than to falling in love.

Love is the force that moves the world. Most people have fallen or will fall in love at some time in their lives, and with it they will experience a great number of sensations linked to the person who is the object of their love. There are multiple ways to love, mostly positive.

However, in some cases we may find that what started as a crush can turn into an obsession. It is what is known as limerence or limerence..

What is limerence?

It is understood as limerencia to the state of mind characterized by an obsessive need to be corresponded lovingly by a person object of esteem by the by a person object of esteem on the part of the one who suffers it.

In limerence, the sufferer has intrusive thoughts about the loved one, his or her well-being and desire for correspondence that occupy a considerable amount of time in his or her daily life, causing the person to ignore any other concerns. There is also a very intense fear of rejectionas well as shyness in their presence. The person who is the object of desire is usually idealized, as well as feelings of euphoria in their presence.

This infatuation with obsessive characteristics lasts for years or even decades. Somatic symptoms may also appear, such as tachycardia and palpitations, tremors, pupil dilation, sweating, facial flushing, appetite problems, stuttering and agitation (all typical elements that occur in infatuation).

This mental state has great repercussions on the day-to-day life of the people who suffer from it. Specifically, it is not infrequent that they reduce their social life and become progressively isolated their thoughts are focused on the person who provokes their obsession. It also influences their work and academic performance, making it difficult to concentrate and reducing productivity. The subject usually spends much of his time thinking about the loved one and what a possible ideal relationship with him would imply.

Differences with habitual infatuation.

Actually, limerence has a great similarity with a normative infatuation, being considerably similar most of the characteristics mentioned so far. However, the fact remains that limerence has characteristics that make it no longer an infatuation as such, but rather more like a and becomes more like an obsessive-type disorder (in fact some authors classify it as such).

Firstly, there are the aforementioned recurrent and intrusive thoughts, although to a certain degree they may be common in some infatuations. Likewise, limerence taken to the extreme can lead to predatory, persecutory and harassing behaviors towards the person one claims to love. In limerence, likewise, the need to guarantee the affection of the other person takes precedence, regardless of the respect, intimacy and commitment of the other person. regardless of the respect, intimacy and commitment required by the other person..

Although the original intention is the well-being of the other person, it can reach the point of causing him/her harm. Any act or action of the person who is the object of desire can be interpreted as a sign of loving correspondence. Likewise, it is not uncommon to change one's own personality in order to conform to and imitate that of the other.

Although it is sometimes identified with the so-called lovesickness, the truth is that limerence has a relevant difference with it: in limerence there is a certain degree of obsessiveness with the other person. certain degree of obsessiveness with the other person and the desire to be and the desire to be reciprocated, which can alter interpersonal behavior and centralize behavior, thought and the emotional sphere around the person in question.

To whom does it appear?

This state of mind can occur both with people you know or even with people you have met. it is possible that there are cases in which it appears with people who have never been seen physically and with whom there has been no contact. and with whom there has been no contact (for example, through photographs).

But limerence does not necessarily occur only in cases where there is no relationship between the two persons. It is possible that the person who is the object of desire may have a real relationship with the person with limerence (either before or after the problem appears), although in these cases the obsessive characteristics tend to be maintained and tend to lead to relationships of dependence and idealization.

Ways to combat it

Limerence is a problem that can lead to profound suffering for both the person who suffers from it and the object of his or her desire. Combating it can be complicatedespecially when the subject is unaware or unwilling to make any changes.

In some cases the time and reflection that they do not have and will not have a relationship with the desired person and/or the visualization and awareness of the defects that he/she also has will decrease the level of idealization and obsession with respect to her/him. However, in many cases it would be necessary some type of psychological intervention..

An example might be, given the obsessive characteristics of limerence, those employed in an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Working with exposure with response prevention can be useful, as well as an analysis of the person's behavior and motivation. an analysis of the person's behavior and motivation is needed, as well as an analysis of the person's behavior and motivation.What makes him/her feel the need to be reciprocated by this human being and to what he/she attributes it.

Cognitive restructuring is also useful, both in terms of beliefs about the other person and beliefs about oneself or about what a couple's relationship entails. Finally, also emotional expression (as long as it is not used as a compulsion) can be useful.

Bibliographical references:

• Tennov, D. (1998). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. 2nd edition Scarborough House.