Lovesickness: what it is, symptoms and how to get over it

A sentimental breakup generates feelings and emotions that are very difficult to control.

All or almost all of us have fallen in love at one time or another.. Many of these crushes end in some kind of relationship with the person in question.

But this is not always the case: sometimes we fall in love with someone who does not reciprocate or does not reciprocate to the same extent.Sometimes we fall in love with someone who does not reciprocate or does not reciprocate to the same extent, we are rejected, breakups occur or what started out as a good relationship has been cut short over time.

And although some people say they do not suffer too much with it, most of them hurt. And the loss or the impossibility of having a relationship as we want with the person we love is a fairly common source of suffering that sooner or later we have to face.

This feeling of suffering, which may even lead to a certain obsessiveness and depressive symptoms, is part of what is popularly known as lovesicknesssomething that we are going to talk about in this article.

Mal de amores: what is it?

It is understood by "lovesickness" or "lovelessness" to be the situation of suffering, discomfort and discomfort that a person experiences in the face of the difficulty or absence of possibilities to live a couple relationship with the loved one, or that this one lacks the characteristics that the subject considers necessary in such a relationship.

It is generally characterized by the appearance of sadness, anguish, hopelessness, doubts and emotions such as guilt or even anger at the situation, which can lead to isolation, deterioration of social relations, lack of concentration and loss or decrease in the ability to feel pleasure (depressive symptoms). It is also possible to go to the opposite extreme, with increased social activity, constant search for sexual activity, agitation and nervousness.

Such discomfort may start from a love rejection in which there has never been a sentimental correspondence on the part of the other person, that despite the fact that the other person does correspond the relationship is not possible or that although there has been a relationship between both this has been spoiled and / or broken for some reason.

Causes and symptoms

In this sense, the person suffering from lovesickness does not necessarily have a realistic concept of the relationship itself, but depends largely on his or her perception of what is and what could have been. One of the main bases of lovesickness are the expectations that one has in the other person, in the possibility of having a relationship with him/her and in the relationship itself. Lovesickness is a common reaction to the disappointment generated by the non-fulfillment of expectations and hopes and, unless it is not resolved or complications or maladaptive behaviors appear, it does not imply pathology. and hopes placed and, unless it is not resolved or complications or maladaptive behaviors appear, it does not imply pathology.

After all, after a breakup or the acceptance of the fact that our love interest does not correspond to us, we get tired of the energies invested (even at an emotional level) in these hopes and interactions, there is also a feeling of loneliness, impotence and doubts about why, if the breakup comes from the other person, anguish about what could have been.

It should also be noted that lovesickness can appear not only in people with balanced and positive relationships: it can occur in relationships with power imbalance or even in situations of physical and mental abuse, at least initially.

@image(13973)

Phases

Lovesickness derives from an event that is to a greater or lesser extent traumatic for the person who suffers it, and in fact it could be conceptualized as a mourning process in the face of the aforementioned impossibility of having, maintaining or recovering a relationship with a partner.

As such, it is common for a series of phases to appear through which the subject usually goes throughAt first there is a denial of the termination or impossibility of having such a relationship. This is usually followed by a phase of intense emotions, such as anger, doubts, guilt or hopelessness. And finally, once the subject manages to process the non-relationship or breakup, the acceptance of the situation.

But as with other types of grief, not everyone succeeds in reaching an acceptance phase. It is very common for anxious or depressive symptoms to appear, which can become a mood or anxiety disorder if prolonged over time.

In some cases may appear what some professionals call limerence, or obsessive need to be lovingly reciprocated by the loved one. This need can lead in extreme cases to harassment behaviors and pose a certain danger both for the person who suffers from it (for example, leading to suicide attempts) and for the person he or she considers loving.

How to overcome the pain?

Overcoming lovesickness is not easy. Generally speaking, the first thing to take into account is the fact that the person must see his discomfort as something normal in the situation he is in, and that the process of overcoming the lovesickness takes time. It is important not to isolate ourselves socially, and to spend quality time with other people around us.. It is also essential to express oneself and let off steam. In addition to expressing it verbally, it is possible to use procedures such as writing down our feelings and sensations, writing a letter or a diary or using artistic elements such as expression through various arts, for example music, painting or literary or poetic creation.

It is recommended that people avoid taking refuge in stimuli that only avoid suffering, such as food, drink, shopping or compulsive sex seeking, since if they are carried out for the sole purpose of avoiding Pain this can actually perpetuate the discomfort (since avoidance prevents the situation from being processed) and can lead to addictions.

As far as the loved one is concerned it is advisable not to maintain continuous contact with her, at least at the beginning, in order to be able to process the information and emotions in a positive way and not perpetuate the discomfort. and emotions in a positive way and not perpetuate the discomfort.

The practice of physical exercise can also be a great advantage. Finally, if needed, a professional psychologist can also be consulted to help combat dysfunctional beliefs.

Bibliographical references:

• American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. DSM-IV-TR. Washington, DC: Author, 2000 (English translation, Barcelona: Masson, 2002).
• Perestelo Pérez L, González Lorenzo M, Rivero Santana AJ, Pérez Ramos J. Decision support tools for patients with depression. Quality Plan for the NHS of the MSPS. SESCS; 2010. STD Reports: SESCS No. 2007/04.