Manipulative behavior: how to detect it in 6 key points

We must pay attention to avoid those traps that others set for us without us realizing it.

Normally, when we talk about domination and power of some people over others, we refer to the use of force or economic power, used to bury their opponents. Thus, we often overlook that the use of force is not the only way to violate the dignity of people to make them act according to someone's interests.

In this article we will talk about manipulative behaviorHow it expresses itself in social relationships and how it can influence our actions without us realizing it, through unconscious or almost unconscious processes.

How to detect manipulative behavior

When it comes to recognizing the signs that manipulative behavior is present in a dialogue or social interaction in general, you can look for these characteristics.

1. Strategic use of blame

A common way to try to manipulate others is to bring up facts that the other person feels responsible and guilty about, even if introducing that topic into the dialogue does little more than make the other person vulnerable.

No one is perfect, and it is quite possible that the person being manipulated has real reasons to feel bad when recalling those actions he or she did in the past. However, it is one thing to ask for responsibility for it in a context where doing so is constructive (for example, when asking for reparations for harm done to others), but it is another to talk about it only to be in a position of dominance in the dialogue. and be in a position to demand that the other conforms to what you want him to do.

2. The projection of selfishness

Another common way of negatively influencing the other, typical of manipulative behavior, consists of gaslightingwhich is based on making the other person doubt his or her own judgment, so that it appears that he or she is not capable of supporting your point of view.

There are many ways to do this; for example, by making him believe that he has issued unfair criticism against someone without this having been true.

By its nature, gaslighting is difficult to detect the first time. However, if such situations are repeated in which, according to the other person, there is reason to believe that we have been confused or misled on more than one occasion, and this does not happen in our social relationships with others, it is very possible that a manipulative behavior is occurring..

3. Interpreting silences at will

People with a tendency to manipulate others do everything possible to create a framework of interpretation of the facts in which ambiguities play in their favor.

For example, they may comment that if at some point in the course of a dialogue they are having with someone there is a somewhat longer silence than usual, this is a sign that the other person is hesitant or shy. Even if it is quite clear that this is not the case, simply by doing this you will have already set a precedent that contributes to, even unconsciously, the other person will be adopting a somewhat more submissive attitude, one thatone in which the possibility of maintaining a symmetrical relationship with the other person is given up.

4. Putting your foot in the door

Another of the clearest signs of manipulative behavior consists of telling half-truths to get the other person interested in something he would not have been interested in if he had had all the information about it from the beginning.

In this way, it is achieved that the other person takes the first steps to act as the manipulator wants, so that when he realizes that this option is not as attractive as expected, taking a step back already has a higher cost than it had at the beginning. And the fact is that human beings tend to want to justify the sacrifices made, as shown by the phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance..

5. Using referents in a self-serving way

Another frequent way in which it is manipulated consists of praising the virtues of another person to whom we supposedly should resemble, even though the circumstances in which this referent lives or has lived are very different from our own. from our own.

For example, we can mention the case of multimillionaires who started from a relative poverty, to try to make us work harder, ignoring that if these people are famous it is among other things because luck made them exceptional cases.

This is done to damage one's own self-esteem, while creating the need to get involved in the tasks that the manipulative person asks of us.

6. Appealing to a false consensus

Another manipulative behavior consists of simply assuming that we will do what is asked of us, because apparently that is what everyone would do in our situation. In this way, a false social pressure makes us fit into the molds of what is expected of us.

What can we do to avoid being manipulated?

Although each case is unique, you can follow these general tips to protect yourself against tampering attempts.

1. Value time

In deciding whether or not to behave as requested, it should be clear that you need time to think about it. Make it clear that trying to rush you is in fact a valid reason for refusal..

2. Ask for all the information you need

Since there is no rush, there is no reason why you can't ask for all the information you need.. Negative reactions to this are also a reason to respond with a "no" to what is being proposed, and you should communicate this. It is the other person's job to make you understand the situation, it is not your fault if it is not clear to you. Assertiveness is key.

3. Don't tolerate disrespect.

No one has the right to make us feel bad so that we act the way they want us to act. Disrespect is a red line that must not be crossed..

4. Ask for third opinions

This is a very undervalued possibility. Asking the opinion of others is a very useful help.