María Maqueda: "The universe of couples is as wide as the number of people seeking therapy".

We talked to the psychologist of Abriendozirculos about the day to day of couple therapy.

More and more married couples and common-law couples decide to go to couple therapy. This modality of therapy seeks to give solution to all the conflicts or obstacles that the couples find at the moment of facing their daily life.

María Maqueda tells us what are the most frequent reasons for consultation in couple therapy.

One of the psychologists with a more contrasted trajectory in this type of therapy is María Maqueda, psychologist of the Abengoa clinic in Madrid.psychologist of the Abriendozirculos clinic. We have shared with her a space where we have been able to consult her about some of the frequent questions that both mental health professionals and the general population can ask about the best strategies to offer psychological treatment in these cases.

What kind of problems do couples who attend couples therapy complain about the most?

The universe of couples is as broad as the number of people seeking therapy. The fundamental pillars on which the sessions are centered are related to communication so that this is joined to the surname of effective. On the other hand, the trust stick related to jealousy, which without being pathological, generates misunderstandings between the partners, or on this same pillar, emotional dependence and attachment in adults.

It is also necessary to emphasize and evaluate the existing disparity in the basis of love, as a basic emotion in the couple, thus collecting a significant range of feelings and behaviors related to the experience of sexuality and mutual support. And the fourth primordial point is an obvious consequence of the previous three, respect. Respect marks the lines of what will be the coexistence of the members of the couple as well as the development of the different stages that one goes through, in a natural and healthy way, when one decides to make a life with another person.

Bertrand Regader: What is the main role of psychologists in the face of these problems affecting love relationships?

Maria MaquedaThe role of the therapist in couple therapy is to actively listen to the perception of the personal problems of both partners and to establish, through dialogue and integrative agreements, turning points that help them to modify those thoughts and behaviors that have kept them apart or stagnant and that in principle are the basis of the couple therapy.

Many times, conflicts arise due to bad communication dynamics. In what ways can this wear down a relationship, according to your professional experience?

When the couple focuses on talking without listening or listening without dialogue, communication is not possible. For communication to be effective, it is necessary to put in order the different elements that make up the circuit of understanding. If there is no feedback, it is practically unfeasible for the couple to grow and generate a rapprochement between them.

In what situations is it understood that there is no basis from which to work and it does not make sense to start couple therapy sessions?

The fundamental objective of couples therapy is the rapprochement between both partners. It is true that, although in a much smaller percentage, this is not possible in some cases due to the wear and tear with which they arrive at therapy. This is when couples therapy focuses on achieving a less painful separation process where people maintain their dignity and identity as unique beings.

Is it complicated to adopt a neutral perspective from the point of view of psychotherapy professionals? How is this achieved?

When the professional is immersed in a therapeutic process, whatever its nature, the demand to be covered is not the one that seems convenient or adequate but the one that the patient considers that it will help him to stabilize his mood and cognitive patterns and as a consequence derives in a proactive behavior. It is possible to maintain this point of support between both parties if the objectives to be achieved with the psychological treatment are clear from the initial assessment session.

Approximately how long can it take for the effects and improvements brought about by the therapy sessions to appear?

If we transfer the recovery times to physical healing and recovery, it is easier to understand that the process is relative and characteristic of each person in question. When psychological therapy is initiated, the positive effects and changing details are usually detected earlier by the therapist than by the patients themselves. This is because in most cases they come to therapy with a great deterioration and choosing this option as the last cartridge to save their relationship.

However, the first sessions are crucial and it is not advisable to delay the inter-session time since if they have already decided to go to therapy now is the time to begin to intervene and evaluate short-term results.

Is it necessary to raise awareness about the possibility of attending couples therapy before breaking off the relationship?

It is not so much a question of generic awareness, but rather of personal conviction. To assimilate and accommodate that we need a third person to fix our relationship problems is not an easy thing to do.

However, if couple therapy is considered as a moment of encounter for understanding without losing individuality as a person and as a framework in which both feel winners, couple therapy will undoubtedly be the best option and the alternative solution to achieve favorable agreements.