My child does not want to go to school: what to do?

Advice and recommendations on how to deal with this common problem in children.

School is one of the main areas that contribute to our development and learning. Of course, going to school is something that some children experience with enthusiasm and joy, while others find it tedious or distressing.

In fact, sometimes we can find children who for some reason refuse to go to school and express strong opposition to this idea. And this can be worrying, especially if the child in question is our child.

For this reason, many parents are thinking about... "What to do if my child does not want to go to school?"Let's discuss some ideas in this article.

What to do when my child doesn't want to go to school?

"I don't want to go to school." This is probably something that many parents have heard on more than one occasion, regardless of the age of their children. But beyond the mere lack of desire to go to school and follow the classes and the usual operation of the center, this phrase can hide a lot of reasons.

All of them are important and it is not superfluous to evaluate what can lead our child to say that, and to and find some kind of solution to it..

In this sense, it is first of all necessary to find out why in order to be able to act accordingly, and then start taking effective measures.

1. Evaluate why

While there is great variability in what it means for children to go to school cognitively and emotionally, it is certain that an insistent refusal to go to school should first of all make us reflect on why.

In many cases it will be due to lack of desire, preferring to have fun at home or playing, fear of separation from parents, living it as an obligation or lack of interest and motivation, but we can also be facing a school phobia, a resistance due to feelings of inadequacy, the experience of stressful situations such as divorce of parents, births or deaths or suffering from bullying. It is even possible that he/she is physically unwell or is going through an illness (although beware of possible feigning).

Analyzing the causes of the child's refusal to go to school can help to establish an appropriate strategy to motivate the child to go to school. can allow to establish an adequate strategy to motivate him/her to do it or to give solution to possible problems that he/she may be having. Among the different aspects that it is necessary to take into account for this, some of the main ones may be the following.

2. Maintain a fluid communication with your child.

One of the main foundations of any kind of positive relationship is communication.

In parent-child relationships this is especially important, so that the child can express his or her feelings, fears and thoughts with confidence and without fear of telling and without fear of telling what may be happening to them.

3. Take into account their motivations and difficulties.

Sometimes the lack of desire to go to school is caused by the lack of motivation to do so, or the existence of problems in following the classes or understanding certain aspects of these.

This is why taking into account your child's interests and understanding what motivates them can be useful to optimize their skills and favor their development and willingness to learn..

Also, detecting possible difficulties is a first step to establish some kind of guideline or help that we can provide, such as helping him with his homework, explaining some concepts he does not understand or even resorting to private tutors.

4. Check if there are noticeable differences in their attitude before and after school.

Sometimes the existence of changes in behavior and moods between before and after school may be indicating that something may have happened to him, especially if he refuses to go to school.

In this sense, it may be useful to It may be useful to discuss it with him or her in an assertive and non-invasive way, so that the child can express his or her feelings.so that the child can express him/herself freely.

5. Have there been recent changes in the child's home or situation?

Another element to take into account when trying to assess why our child does not want to go to school is the fact that there may have been some important change or phenomenon that represents a considerable change for the child.

For example, the death of a close family member may generate the fear of losing another loved one or of dying, something that may make some children not want to separate from their families or leave home for a long time.

The same is true of divorce and a possible sense of grief or even a belief that separation is guilt. the belief that the separation is their fault, or at the birth of a siblingThe same goes for divorces and a possible sense of grief or even the belief that the separation is their fault, or the birth of a sibling, whether it is out of jealousy or out of a desire to protect them.

6. Talk it over with the center and teachers

Another element that can be important is to maintain a fluid communication with the center, so that if something happens, this information can be shared.

This is useful both in terms of informing yourself as the child's parent and in terms of reporting issues that school professionals may have overlooked. Also also allows you to generate strategies to solve possible problems such as bullying or the presence of stressful or the presence of stressful experiences.

It is also important to take into account aspects such as grades or the child's agenda, which can give us clues to the presence of difficulties in one or more areas or problems in class either with students, teachers or subjects.

7. Friends and other parents: other sources of information

Another possible source of information to which we can go to know if the reason why our son does not want to go to the school is that something has happened to him or simply to obtain another point of view can happen to go to the friends and other parents.

It's not about questioning them about our child, but they can often find out if something has happened in class that might be interesting.But they can often find out if something has happened in class that might be of interest. However, it is important to keep in mind that you should first talk to your child, not just go to others.

How to react positively

So far we have visualized some elements or aspects to take into account when assessing what may be happening to our child. But But just knowing that it is happening is not going to be of much use to us because at the end of the day we have to give some kind of response to this situation.

In this sense, some guidelines for action that may be useful are the following.

1. Take an interest in the situation

Although it may seem simple and is often not consciously taken into account, showing an obvious interest in what the child is doing and in his or her refusal to go to school can be very helpful. And the fact of approaching their concerns is a sign of concern and support for them.

It is important to make this approach in a positive way, without overwhelming, violating or invading their privacy but by showing that we care.

2. Positive attitude towards school

Going to school is an activity that can be experienced in many ways, but it involves tasks that sometimes we do not like.

In this sense it is essential to to be a role model for the child, showing a positive attitude towards school.In this sense, it is essential to be a role model for the child, showing a positive attitude towards school and academics.

Parents who show manifest rejection or dislike towards the fact of studying, who indicate that studying is a waste of time or who ridicule those who do it will make it more likely that school will be seen in a negative way by their children.

3. Support them in their homework

The tasks involved in school can sometimes be complicated, and some subjects can be a source of distress and discomfort for students if they are unable to understand them. In this regard it may be appropriate to support them and help them with their homeworkThis also shows interest in him or her as a person and allows us to share time with our loved one.

Of course, we are talking about helping, not about doing their homework or taking responsibilities away from them.

4. Boosts their self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy.

Whatever the reason why our child does not want to go to school, the fact of trusting them and encouraging their self-esteem and the thought that they are capable of doing it is very useful. In this sense, it is necessary to show interest and support, make him/her see and reinforce his/her achievements unconditionally and maximize his/her potential.

The over demands on the part of the environment favor that the child feels that everything he or she does could be better and is never enough.. Destructive criticism, belittling and comparisons with others should be avoided.

On the other hand, overprotection is also negative, since the child may see himself as useless and feel that without external help he is not capable of achieving anything. It is a matter of the child seeing himself as someone valid and at the same time feeling that in case of need he can resort to the help of others.

5. Neither rewards nor punishments

It is important to keep in mind that punishing the lack of desire to go to school can be counterproductive and can transform the school itself into something aversive. Thus, we should not punish them for saying or feeling that they do not want to go to school..

In the same way, neither should we reward the opposite, since in that case going to school or showing the desire to do so would become a means to obtain rewards.

What we must try to do is to make going to school a natural act that we may or may not feel like doing or not, but that must be done.

6. Contact the school

Depending on the reason for the refusal, it may be necessary to go to the educational center and talk to those responsible for the problem and to the teachers.. We are talking about cases such as bullying, or to agree on joint strategies to solve other problems.

7. Successive approach

Especially when we are dealing with very young children, after a holiday period or when a traumatic situation has occurred for the child, it may be appropriate that the introduction of the child in the center is carried out gradually and progressively.

In other words, it may be appropriate first spend a shorter period of time in the school so that they can get used to it. and reducing the level of anxiety generated by being at school.

8. Sleep hygiene

A last recommendation that can help to facilitate a better willingness to go to school is to solve one of the possible causes of reluctance to go to school: poor sleep. one of the possible causes of the resistance to go to school: bad sleep..

In this sense it is advisable to make sure that the minor has enough time of rest and sleep during the night, following a stable schedule (it is not necessary that they always go to sleep at the same exact time, but they should always or regularly go to sleep at a specific time).

And not only the schedule, it is also important that the place where the child sleeps meets stable and favorable conditions for sleep: light, temperature, space or stimuli that can clear the child (e.g. screens) must be controlled.

It is also advisable that the bed be reserved for sleeping and that it not become a habitual place for other activities, since otherwise the child may associate the bed with stimuli that activate him/her and it may be more difficult to fall asleep.

9. Seek professional help

It is worth mentioning that depending on the case, its origin and whether or not there are means to find a solution, it may be necessary and advisable to turn to professionals, either from the center itself (if they have them) or externally. Among these professionals we can find counselors, psychologists, speech therapists, physiotherapists, or even lawyers in some serious cases. or even lawyers in some serious cases.

Bibliographical references:

• Butler, C. (2008). Talk and social interaction in the playground. Aldershot: Ashgate.
• Ginsburg, K. R. (2007) "The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds" (PDF). American Academy of Pediatrics. 119(1).