Why Teens Isolate Themselves and How Parents Can Help

The social isolation of young people is a problem that many parents have to face

Among the problems that can arise during adolescence, isolation is one of the most worrying.

Many parents suffer from not knowing how to cope with the constant isolation in which their children live.. In this article we will review some of the factors involved in this phenomenon that can sometimes cause or aggravate this situation, as well as possible solutions.

"My child does not leave the room": understanding this problem

When the children become adolescents, the worries of the parents usually modify, because a series of new, previously unknown situations arise. One of those that can be generated is the one that concerns us: "my child does not leave the room". This is the problem of social isolation that many young people experience during this stage.

Moreover, this isolation has the essential component of voluntariness, i.e.: the adolescent is the one who is deciding to spend most of the time inside his or her room instead of going outside and engaging in other activitiesor to spend more time with his or her family.

In order to better understand the implications of the phenomenon that worries many parents (remember, my child does not leave the room), the first thing we must focus on is the very motivations that lead the adolescent to make this decision.

Reasons my child won't leave the room

Below we will explore some of the reasons that lead a young person to prefer room confinement over other leisure alternatives.

1. Search for privacy

It is obvious that, as we fully enter adolescence adolescence, people begin to have a need for privacy that they did not have before.. Children are becoming adults through a very complex and sometimes bumpy process. One of the new qualities that many of them acquire is precisely the desire for privacy.

Therefore, they create their safe space in their own room, and that is where they feel safe and therefore prefer to spend time. They will go out to get the resources they do not have in that space. The most obvious one is food. Although some will even try to eat inside the room..

2. Sexual exploration

When parents worry thinking, my child does not leave the room, they should not forget that adolescence involves one of the fundamental changes in the development of the person, which is sexuality. Although sexuality has already been manifesting itself in subtle ways throughout childhood, it is in adolescence that it is fully developed..

This implies a need for exploration in the person that requires privacy, which reinforces the need to isolate oneself in one's own room. The young person will need intimacy to know his sexuality, to know his body and to discover such normal sexual behaviors as masturbation, which usually begins at this stage.

It is understandable that, faced with these new needs for exploration and intimacy, the young person requires a safe and intimate space.

3. Digital relationships

But there is yet another factor that definitely strengthens the issue of my child not leaving the bedroom. It is the use of new technologies, the flourishing of social networks and digital entertainment.. This phenomenon, moreover, has grown dramatically in recent times and has been further consolidated by the confinement measures adopted during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The point is that, although physically isolated in his room, what the adolescent perceives is that he is actually interacting with many people, as it is often the case that most of his friends are in a similar situation. Each of them is in their own room, but they are all connected through the Internet.

This way, they can talk via social networks, play the same video game together or even watch the same content at the same time. With platforms such as YouTube or Twitch and their interaction possibilities, the new communicators have replaced traditional media, such as television, in the face of the new generations.

All these factors are the perfect breeding ground to promote isolation.. Therefore, when parents wonder why my child does not leave the room, they should be aware that within those few square meters that define the room, they actually have a whole social world, thanks to connectivity.

In short, young people are developing forms of communication that their parents did not know during their own adolescence, so it is normal for them to feel concerned about these new scenarios, which are unfamiliar to them.

The attitude of the parents

The fact that generates the concern, the thought of "my child does not leave the room", can be a problem or not, it is difficult to generalize.. What is essential is that the attitude of parents to this issue is appropriate. To this end, we will review some tips that may be useful for parents who find themselves in this scenario.

1. Understanding and communication

It is obvious that parents, as the adults they are, must work to provide the teenager with the means of communication with them, although every parent knows that this is not always easy. Therefore, it is important not to forget who is the adult and who should have more understanding and patience.

The adolescent can be overwhelmed by all that he or she is experiencing at this stage.. Therefore, they should know that they will always be able to count on their adults of reference (usually their parents) to share their concerns or other issues. Whether he decides to do so is another matter, but this channel must exist.

For this reason, the parents' task must be to promote rapprochement and not to fall into attitudes that generate a greater distance between them and their children. (constant quarrels and punishments, non-constructive criticism, etc.). We must always take into account the great sensitivity that is experienced during this stage. Parental support and guidance will be fundamental.

2. Limits

Obviously, showing support and understanding does not mean that limits do not exist, far from it. But these should be logical, reasonable and, if possible, consensual, as long as the adolescent agrees, which sometimes is not easy.

For example, the use of digital devices in an uncontrolled manner can be one of the factors that can reinforce the issue that my child does not leave the room.. In that case, limiting the use of the cell phone, computer, tablet, or the Internet connection itself, can be totally logical.

We can try to make the young person see the purpose of these limits and propose alternatives when he/she cannot use these devices, which we will see in greater depth in the following point. In any case, he/she must perceive that in the coexistence of the home there are a series of rules that everyone must comply with so that the relations among all are the best possible.

But, we must not forget that parents are one of the referents of adolescents. Therefore, the example they transmit is fundamental. It is difficult to ask a child or a young person not to spend all day on the computer or cell phone, when parents do exactly that in front of them..

3. Social relationships

The third and fundamental point, as we already anticipated, is to propose alternatives that allow us to turn around the issue of my child not leaving the room. Therefore, it is vital to it is vital to encourage social relationships, beyond those they may have through a screen..

The young person can be encouraged to do activities with their friends, and if they are of a sporting nature, even better. You can suggest that they invite some of their classmates to their homes. Of course, parents can also try to parents can also try to organize leisure activities as a family, but be aware that the teenager will not always show much interest, since his or her peers are his or her peers.The teenager will not always show much interest, given that his or her peers are his or her peers.

In any case, the fact that he can count on such alternatives can be very positive, especially if he is given the option of deciding the activity himself, even if it is within a closed list, if the parents prefer to narrow down the alternatives. All of these issues will help to make the fact that my child does not leave the room less of a concern.

Bibliographical references:

• Cohen Imach, S., Caballero Silvina, V., Mejail, S., Hormigo, K. (2012). Social skills, isolation and antisocial behavior in adolescents in contexts of poverty. Acta Colombiana de Psicología.
• Contini, E.N., Lacunza, A.B., Medina, S.E., Alvarez M, González M, Coria V. (2012). A problem to solve: Adolescent loneliness and isolation. Iztacala Electronic Journal of Psychology.
• Orleans, M., Laney, M.C. (2000). Children's computer use in the home: Isolation or sociation? Social science computer review.
• Tapia, M.L., Fiorentino, M.T., Correché, M.S. (2003). Loneliness and tendency to isolation in adolescent students. Its relationship with self-concept. Fundamentals in humanities.