My girlfriend/boyfriend left me: 5 tips to get over the unilateral breakup

To the suffering of the breakup is added the discomfort of not understanding what happened. What to do?

My girlfriend left me, what can I do to feel good again? My boyfriend has ended our relationship, how can I get over it? These are typical concerns in the face of unilateral breakups, and the truth is that it is relatively normal for many people to become obsessed for a while with this kind of problem. The end of an idyll is usually painful, and if it has occurred as a result of a unilateral decision, it tends to be even more so.

However, no time of sadness and crisis no period of sadness and emotional crisis has to last indefinitely. However, no period of sadness and emotional crisis has to last indefinitely, and no matter how bad we are, there is a lot we can do to feel better and get over this hard blow. It may be that another person has decided to end something shared, but on our psychological well-being all the legitimacy to change for the better and feel good lies with oneself.

Tips to follow if your boyfriend or girlfriend has left you

It is certain that on love there do not exist big natural laws that are fulfilled in 100% of the cases, but most frequently, unilateral breakups are very painful. In these cases, we must try not to get stuck in that stage of crisis, so that the sadness does not always stay there preventing us from living life normally. Below you will find several useful tips if your girlfriend/boyfriend has left you and you feel a great discomfort.

1. Set aside time to assimilate it

Some people believe that they will get over the breakup better if they pretend it didn't happen, which leads them to try to do exactly the same things they have always done, as if they had not been affected by what happened. This is a mistake. If you live with the obsession of "my girlfriend has left me", "my boyfriend is not coming back", or similar, it makes no sense to impose such an artificial facade on yourself.

Therefore, it is necessary to spend at least a few minutes a day to face the breakup and accept its existence. Yes, this is a painful thing, and it is quite possible to go through moments of crying. However, at least in the early stages of the process of overcoming the breakup, it is good to expose yourself to this.

2. Understand that you are looking for a long-term goal

Getting out of your comfort zone is essential, and this implies accepting that you will have to go through uncomfortable moments for a higher good: to return to normality in the coming weeks and months, and not to allow your discomfort and sadness to become chronic.

On the other hand, understanding that what you do in the present must enter into the logic of that process of improvement in the medium or long term means that one's mental health comes first. Therefore, the relationship with the ex-partner must be subordinated to what in each case we believe is more useful for us. There should be no feelings of guilt for not wanting to have contact with him or her.

3. Examine your guilt beliefs

When someone is left by his or her partner, it is very common that he or she begins to have feelings of guilt, even if they arise from totally irrational beliefs. This makes intrusive thoughts appear referring to those situations that, according to oneself, have caused the boyfriend or girlfriend to end the relationship.

It is true that possibly a good part of what has led the other person to break up with us has to do with things we have done, but there are two things to keep in mind.

First, not everything that leads to the breakup and was a product of our actions is something to be ashamed of or apologize for. For example, incompatibilities in terms of priorities or personalities cannot be the fault of either party or the other. There is no one type of person we must resemble in order to maintain the health of the couple's relationship.

Secondly, even what may be considered morally wrong and may have saddened or angered the ex-partner, can serve as a lesson for future improvement. You have no power over the past, but you do have power over the present and the future. To make that experience serve to learn is the best way to progress and to make sure that self-esteem does not suffer indefinitely because of what has happened.

4. Look for irrational beliefs

With events as important as the breakup, it is very easy that, without us realizing it, several totally irrational ideas about who we are and what we have done creep into our belief system. Usually these ideas are very pessimistic or have a bias that leads us to focus all our attention on what we perceive as weaknesses in oneself. That is why, it is necessary to reflect and gradually uncover these unfounded beliefs.

5. Don't be afraid to go to therapy

In some cases, the effort of oneself is not enough to assimilate the breakup and to return to live without being permanently installed in the sadness. In this case, what you can do for yourself is to reject the idea that if you go to psychotherapy for the psychological support it can give you, it will be a symptom of weakness. It is totally understandable that, if someone dear leaves us, we have difficulties to return to be well; at the end of the day, it is a process of mourning.