Nacho Coller: I thought that being a psychologist I would control my depression; what a mistake.
This psychologist talks to us about depression from his dual perspective as a therapist and former patient.
Nacho Coller is one of the most interesting voices in Spain in the dissemination of psychology..
His casual and approachable style of explaining his experiences and opinions regarding his life and profession as a psychologist has led him, in addition to Clinical and Sports Psychology, to collaborate in numerous media both in press and radio, as well as to develop a facet of lecturer and trainer. He currently collaborates weekly in the psychology section of the program À Punt Directe on the Valencian television channel À Puntwith Carolina Ferre.
Recently, Coller has published the book A Tortoise, a Hare and a Mosquitoin which he talks about different aspects of the vital philosophy necessary for us to be mere spectators of our lives. It shows basic principles of psychology explained through a format, sometimes autobiographical and sometimes imagined, full of humor and timely reflections.
Interview with Nacho Coller, psychologist and popularizer.
In this interview, Nacho Coller talks to us about different aspects related to mental health, also explaining how his first-person experience of depression was.
Psychology and Mind: Your book is characterized, among other things, by a very personal sense of humor. Do you think that psychologists are missing this more personal approach in their way of divulging beyond therapy?
Nacho Coller: I think so. One of the things that most reinforces the figure of the psychologist and that the staff most appreciates is authenticity, coherence and showing a certain vulnerability, that is, showing ourselves to be human. I believe that the fact of disseminating psychology in an accessible and fresh language without losing sight of the rigorousness, normalizes psychology and brings it closer to the general public.
In the book you explain several keys to turn the page and stop obsessing about the problems of the past. For example, learning to live without resentment or assuming that no one is perfect. Of all of them, which would you say is the most important?
I would choose two. To assume that reaching perfection is a deception that leads to frustration and to live under the umbrella of anxiety; and to know how to turn the page and cut with those situations or people that generate discomfort. In the latter, the word forgiveness plays a decisive role, both in forgiving ourselves and in learning to forgive others. Without sincere forgiveness there is no life satisfaction.
You also talk about resilience, our ability to overcome adversity. Do you think this is an ability that usually appears spontaneously and almost without realizing it in many people, or is it necessary to have made a conscious learning about how to manage one's emotions?
I believe that there are many people who do not need to consciously work on managing their emotions. For example, without going any further, the number of people who fight for their survival and who are able to cross a sea full of dangers and a thousand borders, who live or have lived with death, with pain, with rape and with the worst of the human species, and yet, they are able to keep smiling, to show generosity by helping those next to them; they are able to live.
I don't think any of these people have done conscious work or signed up for an emotion management course, they have simply kept fighting, they have fought for a dream, they have run away from a hell, they have bet on living a little better life and the fact of putting themselves out there and facing the vicissitudes of life has made them bring out the best in themselves. I would go with the motto, more life and less mind and obviously more life with meaning.
You have ever said that you suffered from depression. How does a psychologist who has gone through such a delicate stage of his life feel?
Well, I went through different stages. The first one, in which the first symptoms began due to an excess of stress that led to a championship insomnia (I slept two, three or four hours a day), of disbelief with a "it can't be what is happening to me, this is temporary". I thought I would control my depression, that's why I was a psychologist. What a mistake.
The second stage was that of silence with tinges of shame and a lot of guilt (what will they think of me? What a professional you are! You are a failure!).
Sadness, insecurity, subway self-esteem, some problems at work, crying in silence (some men are idiots like that), blockages and irritability among other negative symptoms, led me to ask for professional help. In the third stage of this process, at the end of the depression, I accepted that I was not superman, I took medication, I transferred my discomfort to the people around me, my friends and my family, I got going and I got hooked on life again.
I had a terrible time at that time, but I tell you one thing, some of the best things that have happened to me in my professional and personal life (in my case the two go hand in hand) came after that depression. The day I published an article in which I narrated my experience, I think I closed a stage and a pending account with myself. Do you know something? When you show your vulnerability you become stronger, and I believe that today I am a better person than I was before.
In the problems related to the symptoms of depression, do you think that the person who suffers from it is still blamed a lot for it, as if they were not trying hard enough to overcome it?
That's right, this is a classic in many relatives or friends of people who are depressed, and our obligation as psychology professionals is to spread just the opposite, that it is not that they don't want to or don't make an effort, it is that they cannot. The culture of effort is fine for the world of business and life, but I like the culture of gratification and reinforcement better.
We usually talk about problems such as depression in such a way that it seems that what is wrong is isolated inside the person, as if the context in which he or she lives does not matter. What aspects of our society do you think have more power to promote the appearance of depressive symptoms?
But the context is very important. Not having a decent salary, not being able to make ends meet, living in a work environment in which the boss or colleagues make life impossible, the accelerated pace of life we lead, the excessive pressure from certain neoliberal areas in which they sell individualism as a formula for happiness, the denial of suffering and the hundreds of slogans that you have to be happy at any price and if you do not get it you are a failure.
By the way, there is another factor that favors depressive symptomatology; listening to electrolatino or reggaeton, this is not good for mental health. Their music dries out my meninges and their lyrics are embarrassing....
What is your opinion of Antidepressant drugs and their effectiveness in treating depression?
I have never liked to enter into the dynamics of drugs yes or no, nor have I liked to fall into the demonization of antidepressants. My opinion coincides with what the WHO indicates; in the case of mild depression, practice sports and put yourself in the hands of a psychology professional, no more and no less. For mild-moderate depression without functional repercussions, psychology; and when the depression is moderate-severe with functional repercussions, a combination of drugs and therapy. Regarding the therapy model to use, I recommend Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT, it has excellent results.
In your book, you also talk about the "tinny people". Do you think most of us are able to recognize them, or do we tend to act as if they are not and even reward their negative attitudes?
Well, I think we do recognize them to a great extent, what happens is that living with them is very complicated, and they can really fuck up your life. Think about your workplace, if a colleague, or several like that, or a boss, touches you; they can burn you or annihilate you emotionally and psychologically.
They are petty people, who live with complaints, negative, spiteful, who have a gray and hollow life, who always go with a loaded shotgun waiting for the failure of others, who love to talk bad about others behind their backs, whose motto is I am bad if you are well, and I am well if you are bad; these guys or types are a time bomb that is good to detect in time and learn to distance yourself from them. And it's not easy to get away from them.
You are somewhat right in your question because on many occasions, especially at the beginning of a relationship, we laugh at the guy or gal, either out of social courtesy, because we are caught off guard or because we all have a little bit of a tinge of it.
Using positive humor is a good tool to get stuck as little as possible, and if you can put your feet on the ground and distance yourself, all the better.
Finally, and focusing on the Spanish society, what idea do you think is worth claiming in terms of our way of managing our own emotions?
Accepting our own and others' imperfections, betting on positive humor and being generous with those around you, gratifying and recognizing the progress of the people you love, showing gratitude, being kind and condescending with yourself and with others, accepting that we are not supermen and that suffering is part of life and finally, living life with passion and intensity; that life is very cool and is full of fantastic people even if sometimes we get really fucked up.
(Updated at Apr 14 / 2024)