Negative caresses": what are they?

Not all caresses are pleasant...

People who are not familiar with Transactional Analysis theory may not have heard of "negative strokes".

To understand what this kind of strokes are, it is necessary to understand the meaning of "strokes" from the transactional perspective.

Caresses from Transactional Analysis

According to Eric Berne, the father of Transactional Analysis, strokes are "units of recognition that provide stimulation to an individual". Therefore, from the transactional perspective, the concept is different from what is generally understood as caress: "soft and gentle physical contact made by sliding the hand or fingers over someone's body".

From Transactional Analysis, caresses do not only refer to physical stimulation, but also include psychological and social stimulation (recognition). (recognition).

Everyone needs physical and psychological stimulation to have a full life, and stroking is a fundamental unit of social recognition. Both physical and psychological caresses bring many benefits from an early age, and as we grow older, social recognition becomes an essential aspect of psychological well-being.

Positive and negative strokes

In the theory of Transactional Analysis, two types of strokes are presented two types of strokes according to the sensation that they invite to live: the positive caresses and the negative. Positive caresses provoke pleasant sensations and emotions; negative caresses provoke unpleasant sensations and emotions.

Below are some examples of these types of strokes:

• Positive caressesI love you", "you are amazing", "I love you", "I love you".
• Negative caresses: "I hate you", "you're an idiot", "you look terrible in those clothes".

The negative caresses can be:

• Sarcastic comments.
• Ignoring the other person's actions
• Putting the other person down and humiliating the other person
• Belittling

We all have a need to be accepted and touched.

Berne speaks of "caress hunger" to name the need of people to be recognized and touched the need of people to be recognized and touchedThe deprivation of sensory aspects in children can cause psychological problems. Already at an early age, the lack of positive caresses (being stroked, praised, etc.) can cause the child to seek negative caresses to compensate for the lack of social recognition, and is a way of seeking the attention he or she does not receive.

Therefore, negative touches are sometimes used with family members, partners, friends, and these are toxic behaviors that poison our relationships and have harmful effects on the members of the relationship. That is why giving and receiving negative touch should be avoided.

This is especially in the parent-child relationship, as in the case of parents, one should:

• Be expressiveBe expressive: frequent kisses, caresses and hugs.
• Be genuine in praising the children.
• Be tender and understanding and accept the behavior of the children.
• Be measured and do not forget that they are children.
• Applaud children's successes and reward them when necessary.

It is also interesting to allow children to grow up feeling loved and to develop their emotional intelligence.

It is not only the one who does not receive caresses who suffers, but also the one who does not express them.

A Stanford University study led by James Gross indicates that suppressing the expression of emotions carries high psychological, social and health costs.. Individuals who do not express their emotions are unhappier and suffer from lower physiological immunity.

According to this research data, lack of emotional expression not only does not reduce emotions, but magnifies negative emotions, causing problems for physical and psychological well-being. The expression of positive emotions brings more rewarding experiences and improves interpersonal relationships.