Partner anxiety: what is it and how to overcome it?

Having a relationship or looking for one, anxiety can lead to obsession.

We live in a world in which it is increasingly common to find people who are anxious about having a partner, as well as people who feel anxious about getting close to someone or building a relationship. Then, within the relationship, the anxiety continues and episodes of jealousy and insecurity arise..

Why is this happening more and more? What is the real reason? And above all, what is the real solution?

This problem is becoming more and more common because we have not learned how to build a functional, stable and secure self-esteemIt is also because we have not recovered from painful episodes in the past in relation to our partner that left us with certain ideas, beliefs, attitudes or fears. Let's see in parts the reason, the solution and how you can begin to take the first steps towards your change if this happens to you.

Anxiety about having a partner

Where does anxiety with a partner (to have a partner or when you have a partner) or fears about having a partner come from?

A relationship is the most important learning context for a human being.. We are social beings and we tend to be in a relationship, and in this relationship two people share intimacy, beliefs, values and even identities.

This gives rise to fears, conflicts, and eventually a struggle of egos. Each person wants to keep their beliefs, what they think they need and their idea of what is right and wrong..

In a way, a couple is like a mirror. Each partner is like a mirror for the other, reflecting his or her virtues but also his or her fears and insecurities. This is why couples often come into conflict once the early stages of the relationship are over.

That is where the great learning curve for each other comes in. The couple is then like a daily a daily therapy in which people can get to know each other better and feel stronger and more secure..

However, this fear of feeling vulnerable often leads to anxiety within the couple. At the same time, the same anxiety of loneliness (because we believe it is a reflection of low worth or because we believe we are not interesting to others) leads some people to look for a partner frequently, and it is also common for them to make comparisons between themselves and others. it is also common for them to make comparisons with others..

This anxiety can also arise because we are afraid of having a partner due to past experiences.

• You may be interested in "The 14 types of partners: what is your romantic relationship like?"

Why does all this happen?

These kinds of problems arise because it has been learned that well-being, and therefore self-esteem, depends on external factors such as the behavior of another person. This generates anxiety and insecurityThis generates anxiety and insecurity, since it is a well-being that is not in our hands, but outside. The solution is not to "raise" self-esteem, since self-esteem does not really go up or down ("raising" self-esteem would be tantamount to inflating the ego), but to build a self-esteem that works, where well-being depends, above all, on internal factors.

The solution: emotional independence

Affective independence is not being a lone wolf or being individualistic. We are all dependent to some extent on others, on the context, even on the air we breathe. It is that your well-being, to a large extent, depends on internal factors..

If your actions are independent of the rest and generate well-being by your own means, you will build a life in which you know yourself and can share that well-being with other people. The anxiety to have a partner will disappear, as well as the fear of having one.

A process of change

However, achieving this is not easy. It is necessary to live a process of deep change where you learn to build and develop your affective independence so that your self-esteem really works for you. In Empoderamiento Humano, an online personal development school, you can find a free program to take the first steps entitled "Supérate".

Although sometimes people need company and live a complete process of change. For this there is "Grow with Affective Independence", a 3-month process to build a functional self-esteem and thus enjoy both relationships and life without a partner (whatever your case may be).

The important thing is that you know that your well-being already depends fundamentally on you. It is a matter of making the decision of where you leave that well-being.