Permissive families: the 4 risks of this type of parenting

Parenting in which no rules are set for children is a source of future problems.

Parenting is not an easy task; it is common to constantly doubt whether you are being too permissive or too strict in terms of your children's behavior. However, as parents one must exercise a degree of authority that may vary according to the context.

In relation to this type of authority, there are three parenting styles that vary according to the level of permissiveness and power that parents exercise over their children. In this article we will talk about permissive families, we will talk about permissive familiesIn this article, we will talk about permissive families; what they consist of, what the children are like and what disadvantages or mistakes can be made in this type of parenting.

What are permissive families like?

There are different forms or styles of upbringing to which parents can opt according to their personal characteristics, life priorities or the environment that surrounds them.

These types of styles are authoritarian or democratic parenting, in which there are a series of more or less rigid parenting norms and rules, or the permissive parenting style, which is the one we are concerned with in this article, and which is characterized by leaving a large margin of freedom to the behavior of the young sons and daughters..

Permissive families are considered the opposite of the authoritarian parenting style. In these cases, parents exercise little or no control over their children's behavior, leaving them to make their own decisions in everything, even when it is not possible for them to have sufficient reasoning to do so.

However, it is not a matter of letting children follow their instincts, ignoring them or not caring about their needs. Parents in permissive families tend to be very affectionate, always showing their emotions and thoughts to their children.always showing their emotions and thoughts to their children.

In this line, another point that characterizes these families is the fluidity in the communication between its members; sometimes becoming excessive in terms of the level of adequacy of certain information. It is common, that the children are treated as equals, independently of their age, which in occasions precipitates conversations or disproportionate declarations for their age and for their capacity of reasoning.

Characteristics of children

Compared to children raised in another type of environment or with another type of upbringing, children from permissive families tend to be more jovial and cheerful; at least initially. However, over time they tend to develop low self-esteem because they do not know how to cope with tasks appropriate to their abilities.

In addition, the fact of having been raised without any kind of schemes or guidelines for social interaction presents many problems when communicating or relating with other people, being too insistent and, sometimes, somewhat uncontrolled.

Once they reach adolescence, a difficult stage for any child, they tend to transgress any type of social norm, in a constant search for external limits.

Parenting mistakes in permissive families.

Parents are first and foremost people, and as such are susceptible to carrying out certain permissible mistakes in the education of their children. However, there are parenting styles, such as that of permissive families, which tend to present more errors or disadvantages than others in which a minimum of rules are applied to the child.

These parenting errors have to do with the fact of granting any wish the child demands at any time, the association of the feeling of happiness with the satisfaction of these wishes, the lack of acceptance of some emotions such as disappointment or sadness, and a decrease in the child's self-esteem. and a decrease in the child's self-esteem..

1. Granting all the child's wishes

Granting children any wish or demand they express can lead to the development and enhancement of a low tolerance to frustration, as long as these wishes are only resolved at home.

When the child discovers that he/she will not always be able to obtain everything he/she desires, frustration can develop into irritability, aggression and low self-esteem, and the child will not be able to understand limits and authority figures in other external environments.In addition, they will not be able to understand limits and authority figures present in other external environments.

These desires can range from wanting to play longer than the established hours, go to bed late at night, watch certain television programs or even want parents to buy them anything or take them to a certain place.

2. Associating happiness with wish fulfillment

These children tend to believe that other people have an obligation to fulfill their desires or wishes, since that is practically all they know. Therefore, they will live with a constant need to get something because this is the only thing that will bring them happiness. this is the only thing that will bring them happiness..

Moreover, in the long run this will affect the relationship between parents and children since, surely, at some point these parents will not be able to fulfill all their children's desires.

• Related article, "What is frustration and how does it affect our lives?"

3. Intolerance to certain feelings and emotions

When the child learns to live surrounded by satisfactory feelings and without any contact with less gratifying emotions, but necessary for good psychological functioning, tolerance to negative feelings such as sadness or disappointment is eliminated..

This fact will lead the child to try, by all possible means, not to experience these emotions since they will be absolutely unbearable for him.

As a consequence, it is very likely that he/she will end up engaging in destructive and harmful behaviors for him/herself.

4. Lack of discipline, self-control and self-esteem.

Children raised in environments without any type of discipline will not be able to develop the ability to establish their own limits and therefore, both in adolescence and in maturity, will experience serious difficulties in achieving their goals or objectives, since they will be alien to discipline and self-control. discipline and self-control will be alien to them..

These problems in self-regulation and in the achievement of their own objectives will also have a negative impact on the person's self-esteem. This will diminish their ability to value themselves positively.