Philophobia (fear of falling in love): what it is, causes and common symptoms

The person with philophobia suffers stress and anxiety before the possibility of an affective relationship.

Philophobia is one more example of a very curious phenomenon: wherever the human imagination and our capacity to think in complex concepts reaches, a specific phobia based on abstract ideas can exist. We are capable of developing irrational fears of elements that are neither material nor have yet occurred: phobias can arise from the simple anticipation of an event that need never happen to us.

And what is the fear that constitutes the driving force of philophobia? Nothing more and nothing less than the fear of lovesomething that can cause us to isolate ourselves and reject any possibility of meeting new people because of the terror of establishing too strong an emotional bond.

What is philophobia?

There are many types of phobias that people can experience and many psychologists deal with patients who suffer from them on a daily basis. As we saw weeks ago, the chemistry of love alters hormone and chemical levels in the brain and can produce nine surprising side effects.

One of the most curious of these phobias is phobia of being in love, or philophobia.. This anxiety problem can have an effect on the sufferer's social and emotional life. In severe cases, the philophobic may not only avoid potential lovers, but may stop relating to co-workers, neighbors, friends and family.

The act of falling in love can be one of the most incredible experiences we human beings can feel, but for a philophobic, it can become a situation that produces a terrible sense of discomfort and levels of anxiety. a terrible sense of discomfort and high levels of emotional and physical stress. emotional and physical stress.

Philophobia can be highly disabling, and in severe cases can lead to a situation of social isolation. This type of alterations is capable of generating a snowball effect that ends up generating derived emotional and relational problems.

Is it a psychological disorder?

Philophobia is not mentioned in the most commonly used diagnostic manuals in clinical psychology and psychiatry, so there is no agreed and "official" definition of what it is as a problem related to the management of anxiety and emotions. However, it can be included in the specific phobias, which do appear with their own section in these books.

Phobias are a type of anxiety disorder that can take an almost infinite variety of forms, as many as phobic stimuli can produce anguish or fear in certain people. That is why in psychotherapy it is possible to treat patients with philophobia even without using this word; the person is simply helped by adapting the psychological intervention to his/her case and assuming certain principles of mental health that are fulfilled in the case of phobias and similar problems.

Some common 'symptoms' of philophobia

This leads us to the fact that there are people who are afraid of giving themselves, falling in love or establishing strong personal relationships. They only live in non-committal relationships, they speak little about themselves, avoid showing themselves as they areThey tend to establish simultaneous relationships for the same fear of being abandoned and their relationships are a roller coaster of emotions with constant ups and downs.

On a physical level, they present symptoms when they are in the presence of the person of the opposite sex to whom they are physically and emotionally attracted. Some of these symptoms would be: classic panic attacks, Gastrointestinal disorders, irregular heartbeat, sweating, shortness of breath and a desire to leave the situation as soon as possible, as a defense mechanism to avoid feeling all these anxious symptoms.

In psychology and psychiatry there are different opinions about this disorder. But it seems that what triggers philophobia is an intense feeling of failure in a past relationship that has not been overcome. This school of thought holds that the patient suffering from philophobia has wounds from a divorce or a painful lovelessness process that causes him/her to avoid any potential situation of being hurt again by a lover. Other professionals believe that philophobia stems from an intense fear of rejection.

Neither of these two theories has been proven, so there is no definitive answer as to why certain people who experience traumatic relationships cling to the pain and do not overcome it.

What can I do if I suffer from philophobia?

If you are one of those people who suffer from fear of falling in love, you have to keep in mind that you are not alone, that there are many people who suffer from the same thing that happens to you and that, if you follow a series of tips and guidelines, it is likely that you will be able to overcome philophobia.

Below I offer you a total of four tips and strategies so that you can overcome this fear of entering into romantic relationships, although you must keep in mind that this problem can only go away if you do your part; neither the readings on the Internet nor the words of a psychotherapist will do magic. It is your responsibility to implement certain habits and strategies in your life in order to to make philophobia stop being a problem..

1. Expose yourself to fear

In less severe cases of the disorder simple exposure to fear is a good way to overcome it.. In many cases we think too much about the negative consequences and then realize that it was no big deal.

In other cases, Philophobia is mainly generated by the fact of having had a bad experience in the very few attempts to have a loving contact with someone, so exposing oneself more to love helps that terrifying mirage of affective relationships to fade away.

What is clear is that running away from or avoiding these situations will only cause this disorder to reassert itself more and stay alive. Therefore, we cannot refuse to live a love just because we are afraid of it.

2. Live in the present

To try to have some emotional control you must live the relationship day by day, ie, living in the present. We must try to leave behind irrational thoughts created by past experiences and future expectations. Each situation and person is different from the others, so we must focus our attention on the present moment without looking much further ahead. In this way, we will control the anxiety associated with this phobia.

Mindfulness is a therapeutic procedure that seeks, above all, that the emotional aspects and other non-verbal processes, are accepted and lived in their own condition, without being avoided or trying to control them. These psychological techniques based on oriental meditation will help you to live the day and improve your interpersonal relationships. If you have the opportunity to try it, do not hesitate.

3. Express your fears

Communication is a key factor in any relationship and in order to feel stronger when facing it. We must We must share with our partner or family members what is happening to us.. Making our fears known to another person we trust will help us to understand our reactions better and therefore the emotional tension will be reduced.

4. Give yourself the necessary time

This type of emotional blocks usually occur because we still have some painful episodes that cloud our mind. It is not a good idea that we want to overcome our fears overnight. Emotional conflicts can take days, weeks or even months to heal. Forcing yourself to relate to others in an intimate way is not a good idea if you are still emotionally devastated.

Give yourself the time you need to get your life back on track, don't get overwhelmed by something that time, little by little, will resolve.. But once you have made the significant recovery that occurs in the first few weeks, you have to step out of your comfort zone and admit that overcoming these irrational fears will require more than good intentions - it requires action.

5. Go to a professional

As philophobia is an anxiety disorder caused by previous negative family or relational experiences, it is recommended that you seek professional help, it is recommended to consult a health professional if it is not possible to overcome it on one's own.. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and affective desensitization have proven to be very effective in overcoming phobic disorders.

However, in the case of philophobia, psychotherapeutic intervention is more complex, because it is not so easy to expose oneself in a controlled manner to the possibility of falling in love; after all, what produces fear is not an animal or an object that is easy to identify and watch. This means that the work done outside the psychology office and agreed with the therapist is of special importance.

Fear of falling in love: an abstract fear

Our most irrational fears do not necessarily have to be linked to animals, objects or specific environments, but can be aroused by the possibility of feeling certain emotions. And how many emotions are there that are more intense than love? One thing that makes philophobia very problematic is the impossibility of "isolating" the source of the fear, as could be done, for example, in the case of spider phobia. In philophobia, any situation that may trigger the consolidation of affective bonds typical of falling in love is totally rejected in advance.

The latter is detrimental in two ways. On the one hand, it makes it impossible to fall in love, a state of emotional activation that has moments associated with very intense happiness. People with philophobia may feel that they reject falling in love and, at the same time, wish they could experience it without fear in order to enjoy its good things, wish they could experience it without fear in order to enjoy its good things.. On the other hand, this fear predisposes people to social isolation, which can lead to a feeling of loneliness and sadness and is also correlated with unhealthy lifestyle habits and a shorter life expectancy.

Thus, philophobia can become a disabling problem for the person who suffers from it, provided that its intensity is very high. Knowing how to detect this problem and deciding to address it through psychotherapy is the first step in order to mitigate its symptoms and return to embrace a way of life capable of generating happiness.

Referencias bibliográficas:

• Cavallo, V. (1998). International Handbook of Cognitive and Behavioural Treatments for Psychological Disorders. Pergamon. pp. 5-6.
• Dalgleish, T., Dunn, B., Mobbs, D. (2009). Affective neuroscience: Past, present and future [Electronic Version]. Emotion Review, 1(4), pp. 355 - 368.
• Gendron, M. y Barrett, E. (2009). Reconstructing the Past: A Century of Ideas About Emotion in Psychology [Electronic Version]. Emotion Review, 1(4), pp. 316 - 339.