Psychological consequences of emotional dependence

This type of pathological affiliation to a sentimental partner entails certain psychological conflicts.

People suffering from emotional dependence will describe how their emotions are at the expense of their partner in a disproportionate way. Any small detail can be taken as a sign that something is wrong in the relationship and cause enormous suffering in the person who has this problem.

It should be noted that emotional dependence is not love, but an excessive dependence on the partner, hidden behind the core belief that the partner is the one who has the problem. hidden behind the core belief that "life is over without that person".

How can I know if I suffer from emotional dependence?

People who have this problem usually manifest some of the beliefs discussed below:

• The fear of breaking the relationship or being abandoned by their partner is usually present. This in many cases leads to an excessive control of the partner, in order to avoid any event that could damage the relationship.

• In order to avoid the breakup, the person with emotional dependence will forgive many things that he/she did not see him/herself capable of overlooking before starting the relationship. It is common to find that they do not accept their partner as he/she is, however, they pretend to overlook this in the hope that he/she will change someday.

• Many times, the dependent person comes to isolate himself from the rest of the world voluntarily. Their desire is to be permanently with their partner, who becomes their total priority while the rest of their relationships take a back seat.

• The need for constant displays of love is also another manifestation that such a problem may exist. And failing that, any sign that can be interpreted in such a way that the partner is not their priority, can be experienced as a terrible betrayal or a great threat to the relationship.

• He transforms his personality or style in order to please his partner. The reference point on which to act is the other. Sometimes, some of the partner's characteristics may be idealized to the detriment of one's own.

• At the end of the day, the dependent person feels that he/she needs his/her partner. This is not a real need, but the person does experience it as such.

What are the short-term consequences of suffering from emotional dependence?

The first consequence at first sight is that these people live with a great suffering.. They may spend the whole day controlling their partner, watching what he/she does or does not do and having increasingly intense emotional reactions when the partner does not behave as the dependent person expects him/her to.

In any relationship, it is easy for our partner to end up behaving at some point in a way that does not please us and still continue despite the displeasure and anger. The person with dependency may observe that, despite their complaints, their partner does not change. This may have a detrimental effect on their self-esteem, as they may fall into the error of not considering themselves sufficiently "[email protected]" for their partner to change for them.

In fact, self-esteem and emotional dependence are intimately related to each other and, moreover, feed back on each other. Having a strong self-esteem can work as a protective factor against emotional dependence since the beliefs we have discussed above become meaningless.

People suffering from low self-esteem end up transmitting their "need" for love to their partner. Being needy, they will go beyond all existing limits and accept situations that are not to their liking in order not to lose their partner, which can end up generating very toxic relationships.

Abuse can sometimes be present, although we are not talking about physical abuse as such. There may be humiliation, coercion and manipulation that will be overlooked in order to continue the relationship.

When to ask for help?

In many cases, the consequences of emotional dependence are trivialized.. However, the person who has this problem ends up finding that many areas of his or her life are affected as a result.

Many people give up jobs or make important life decisions based on the desires and needs of their partner, without taking into account what they really want themselves. It is also very common that other personal relationships such as friends and family are put aside to devote all available time to their partner, so that their social circle in many cases is severely reduced.

In addition, these relationships tend to become very toxic, so that in the end we can see that a large part of the facets of life can be disrupted as a result of this problem. If you feel that you have entered a loop from which you do not know how to get out, maybe it is time to ask for help.