Rebecca’s syndrome: symptoms, causes and treatment

This mental alteration occurs when very intense jealousy appears against the ex-partner of a loved one.

Nowadays it is not uncommon that the majority of the population has had more than one sentimental partner throughout life, estimating an average of at least seven partners as little sexual throughout life.

In this context, then, it is common that when most of us couple up, one or both partners have had other romantic and loving experiences before.

In some cases one of the partners may fear losing out in a comparison with the other people who have gone through the life of his or her partner, and jealousy may appear that can become pathological and seriously damage the health of the relationship. It is about the Syndrome of Rebecca.

• Article related: "Celotipia: the disorder of the pathological jealousy".

What is Rebecca Syndrome?

Rebekah Syndrome is a condition or situation of pathological characteristics characterized by the existence of a high level of jealousy on the part of one of the components of the couple towards the previous romantic or sexual partner(s) of his/her spouse. jealousy on the part of one of the components of the couple towards the previous sentimental or sexual partner(s) of their spouse or current partner. or current partner. It is a syndrome that enjoys some popularity and is based on retrospective jealousy (i.e., jealousy directed towards a person or type of relationship in the past), although it is not a disorder included in the main diagnostic classification manuals.

This situation is pathological when it becomes a recurrent and obsessive theme without there being a real reason for the existence of jealousy, and can be traced back to the type of union or link that the partner of the sufferer had with an ex that he or she may have never met and that has no relationship at present or the relationship is not romantic.

Sometimes the Rebecca Syndrome can lead to persecutory behaviors towards the ex-partner or the attempt to control all interactions with the ex-partner. or the attempt to control all the social interactions of the partner, often leading to serious conflicts in the current relationship or imbalances in power relations. It may also happen that the affected person tries to appear extremely complacent or superior to the ex-partner, exercising a kind of one-sided competition that may also be aversive for the partner and seriously affect the self-esteem of both.

This condition is aggravated if the former relationship partner is seen or remembered (either by the partner or by the environment) in an extremely positive way, as someone virtuous, attractive, sensual and passionate or intelligent, especially if these qualities are not appreciated by the person with the syndrome in his or her own person. The person of whom the jealousy is felt does not necessarily have to be a recent partner, it can go back to the first love of the sentimental partner or even be a deceased person.

The origin of its name

The name Rebeca Syndrome was coined by the writer Carmen Posadas in her book The Rebecca Syndrome: A Guide to Conjure Ghostswhich has recently been republished. The concept comes from Hitchcock's film based on Daphne du Maurier's novel, Rebeccain which a widower Mr. Winter is widowed by his first wife and eventually marries a second, who must confront the ghosts and memories of his predecessor (who appears trying to get his widower to separate from his new partner) in an environment that constantly reminds him of her.

It should be noted that although the syndrome at the psychological level is usually defined as a person's pathological jealousy towards the exes of his or her romantic partnerIn Carmen Posadas' publication, this syndrome is not limited to this, but also includes cases in which the same person seeks in a new partner a faithful reflection of a previous partner (repeating the same relational pattern and looking for someone who may even be physically similar) or, on the contrary, looking for a type of partner that is totally opposite to the previous ones.

Causes

The causes of this particular syndrome are not particularly well known, being something multicausal, although this type of jealousy is usually linked to the presence of insecurity in the partner and low self-esteem and self-concept on the part of the affected person. The new partner may feel that the former partner is superior to her or him, wanting to compete and surpass his or her memoryThe new partner may feel that he or she has never had the same type of relationship or experiences as those previously had.

It can also occur in relationships in which the partner or the partner's environment often reminds the person of the ex-partner in question, or even in those relationships in which a direct comparison between their relationships is actually exercised (whether or not such comparison is intended to harm). It can also be facilitated when the person discovers that he/she has exactly the same personality and/or physical pattern as the ex-partner, and may feel that he/she is a substitute rather than valued per se.

Finally, it can occur in couples in which one of the partners has recently been widowed before joining their current partner, or has not overcome the loss and the memories. While grieving is normal, in some insecure people it may be seen as a reflection of the fact that they a reflection of the fact that they do not have such a deep, loving relationship with the with the affected person.

Treatment

Dealing with Rebecca Syndrome can be difficult and have serious repercussions for the health of the couple's relationship. In order to treat it, it may require an intervention at both the couple and individual level in the case of the affected person..

In the first case it is recommended to encourage communication regarding the current relationship, to work on possible dissatisfactions that may exist in it and to make both see and value the positive aspects of it and why they are together. It is also necessary to assess whether we are dealing with a comparison made unilaterally by the person with the syndrome or whether it is his/her partner, the environment or the ex-partner himself/herself who actively generates (since it is also possible) the comparison.

It should also be taken into account not to emphasize the characteristics of the past relationships The purpose is not to deny previous relationships, but simply not to go into them in too much detail, since it may facilitate comparisons, especially if there are unsatisfactory aspects in the current one. It is not a question of denying previous relationships, but simply of not going into them in too much detail.

But undoubtedly the most important thing will be the work at the individual level. It will be necessary to work on self-esteem and self-concept, what the partner means for the person with the syndrome and why he/she considers that he/she is jealous of his/her previous relationships. It is also necessary to talk about the consequences and difficulties that the jealousy situation generates in the couple.

On the other hand the presence of controlling and persecutory attitudes can be assessed and worked on.In addition to restructuring the beliefs that the subject may have about himself/herself, his/her partner and his/her ex-partners (especially if they are presented as idealized).