Relational anarchy: affective bonds without labels, in 9 principles

This way of loving goes beyond preconceived ideas, labels and impositions.

In a society where it is traditionally given in advance how and whom to love, is it possible for two people to be able to maintain an intimate bond without any kind of label or hierarchy??

At a time when the notion of romantic love still influences the conception of relationships, relational anarchy stands out as an alternative to these dynamics.. Throughout this article we will explain what this current of thought consists of and what are its principles.

What is relational anarchy?

Relational anarchy, also known as relational anarchism (RA) is a way of understanding intimate relationships in which people are able to establish personal relationships that do not depend on or are not framed by a pre-established set of rules.

The people who carry it out, consider it a lifestyle in which the management of their relationship is subject to the own principles or rules of the members that form it and not to the social conventions or those of the culture in which they reside.

The relational anarchist maintains that love can take hundreds of forms, but none of them is subject to the principles or rules of the members of the relationship.but none of them is subordinated to hierarchies, norms or laws imposed outside the relationship itself. Rather, these bonds should appear spontaneously and develop naturally. In this way, the components of the couple are totally free to agree and determine what they want both for their relationship and for the links with other people.

Within these dynamics, people who follow relational anarchism do not usually differentiate between bonds that are traditionally considered "couple-like" and those that are not. Rather they take a much more flexible consideration of what can happen and what within these relationships.

Nevertheless, it is necessary to specify that relational anarchism does not mean that people do not have any kind of commitment within their relationships.Rather, it is they themselves who establish their own level and type of commitment according to the feelings they experience in the relationship with the other person.

As described above, it is possible to confuse relational anarchy with polyamory.. And while it is true that many relational anarchists have several sexual-affective ties with other people, they will never categorize one relationship or another on this basis.

Where and when did it emerge?

Although it is not clearly established the exact place and time in which the relational anarchy began to establish itself, it is hypothesized that it is a current of thought derived or born within the polyamorous community.

In 2006, Swedish author Andi Nordgren defined and explored this dynamic in relationships in a paper called Manifesto on Relational Anarchism. In it, she set out, from her point of view, the principles by which relational anarchism is governed.

Principles of relational anarchism

As mentioned above, the writer Andi Nordgren wrote a manifesto in which she explained the bases or principles of relational anarchy.

What these principles say is the following.

1. "We can love many people and each relationship is unique".

Relational anarchy considers love as something infinite and unlimited.. Therefore, it is susceptible to be exchanged with more than one person, without being detrimental to anyone.

This current of thought advocates appreciating each and every one of our relationships independently, without labels, hierarchy or comparisons.

2. "Love and respect instead of rights".

Another of the great principles that makes relational anarchism famous is the suppression of the idea that, in an intimate relationship, the two partners possess a series of rights over each other. That is to say, in any and all cases respect for the independence and self-determination of the other takes precedence over all things, including, obviously, the rights of the other. above all things, including obviously one's own desires or interests..

One of the main ideas in this manifesto is: "love is most real when people commit to each other simply because that is part of what is expected to happen".

3. "Let's find our basic set of values".

People have the right and the duty to develop their own map of personal values and to apply it in their relationships with others. apply it in their relationships with other peoplealways on the basis of consensus and communication with the other.

A real relationship cannot follow rules elaborated and imposed outside the person, since each subject is different and has a different way of conceiving love.

4. "Heterosexuality is everywhere, but let's not let it scare us".

Broadly speaking, what this principle means is that even though our society and our culture push us in a certain direction as to who we should or should not love, we should not be afraid to love anyone regardless of their sex or gender, as it is our right to decide.since it is our right to decide it.

5. "Spontaneity instead of obligation".

Everyone has the freedom to express their love spontaneously, without any kind of attachment or obligationand following a sincere desire to get to know the other person.

6. "Let's imagine it until we get it".

Due to the influence of the society we live in, it can be difficult to break away from the traditional view of love and relationships. To achieve this change, the author advises to use imagination.

According to this strategy the person can imagine a situation in which he or she acts and responds as he or she wishes, rather than as the norms dictate.and not as the rules dictate. In this way it will be much easier to apply it to real life.

Another option is to seek the support of others with the same ideas or in the same situation to facilitate this change or transition.

7. "Trust helps".

The person who is determined to integrate into relational anarchism must accept the idea that the people around them and those they love have no intention of causing them any harm..... If the person adopts a posture of trust, instead of suspicion, doubt or suspicion, he or she will be able to maintain totally free relationships in which it will be much easier to let go of another person if he or she wishes to do so.

8. "Let's change through communication".

In order to achieve all of the above, communication between the people who form a bond must be constant and sincere.. Real relationships must revolve around communication, not talking about feelings only when problems arise.

9. "Let's design the commitments to our measure".

Finally, relational anarchy does not imply the suppression of commitment, but quite the opposite. It is based on the fact that in each link between people, it is made clear what commitment exists between them..

This current understands that there are different forms of commitment that need not be incompatible with certain behaviors or feelings, and encourages people to express explicitly what kind of commitment they want with others.