Signs to identify emotional dependence: is it love or need?

A type of emotional attachment that turns against us and makes us suffer and become less free.

What is emotional dependence? How can we identify it? How can we differentiate it from love?

The signs of emotional dependence

Emotional dependence is the affective need of presence or contact of a person towards another one to cover different areas of the own life.The emotional dependence is conditioned by what the other person does or does not do.

We talk about emotional dependence...

• When your self-love is relegated to another person.
• When The hours of your day are marked by the presence or absence of the other person....
• When your daily objective is basically to receive the message or call from that person.
• If out of all your surroundings only one person gets all your attention and attachment.
• If you are happy when you communicate with that person and if this does not if this does not happen you feel sad.
• If your emotions depend on the actions of the other person.
• If you feel that you can't be without seeing or being with a certain person..
• When your whole universe is reduced to that person.

If the bond with that person becomes harmful, involving more unpleasant things than positive things, walk away. Let go. Even if it hurts. It may be difficult, costly, but... what is the cost you are willing to pay to continue with that relationship that generates so much discomfort?

What can you do not to suffer for this?

Listen to yourself, observe yourself, what impact does this emotional Pain have on you? Are you capable of enduring it in order to continue this bond?

If it is love, it should not hurt. We are socially and culturally accustomed to the idea that it is valid to suffer for love, to die of love, to need the other person to live, to be happy. We see it in novels, we hear it in songs like "Without you, I am nothing", "I need you". Phrases so naturalized, that subtly we subtly incorporate the idea, and just a little bit of vulnerability is enough to believe it. But that is not the reality.

The reality is that you don't need anyone in particular to live, to breathe, to be happy. In fact, you do need someone: yourself. You need to love yourself, to value yourself, to respect yourself. You are going to live with you for the rest of your life. And one of the most rewarding things about growing up is being and feeling independent. In every way. Although it is not easy to assume economic independence, in many cases it is more difficult to assume emotional independence.

This does not mean having to solve everything in life individually, not forming a couple or believing oneself omnipotent. It means that if we need help we should ask for it, but not be attached to that person, permanently and exclusively. A healthy way of socializing and exchanging help with others is to be with others refers to the flexibility and variability of resources so as not to fall into stagnation. There are many ways to help each other.

The steps to follow.

First of all, we must recognize that we are going through a problematic, unpleasant, toxic situation.In this case we are talking about a relationship that is wearing us down, deteriorating little by little. At this point it would be interesting to evaluate what kind of relationship it is and what unites them: is it love, is it obsession, is it nessentiality, or habit?

Second, we must accept the harmful nature of the bond and encourage ourselves to make the decision to walk away, to take a healthy distance.

Third, we must look for resources that will make it easier for us to carry out that decision. Both internal and external resources.

Strengthening self-esteem is one of the main keys and it can be generated with self-care behaviors that gratify us, give us back the love for ourselves. Ask for help from a professional, start some sporting, recreational, recreational or solidarity activity, go for a walk with friends or family, generate new social circles. To build or rebuild our own path is fundamental to be able to undertake the path of detachment from that which generates more harm than good. That which harms us.

Take care of yourself, take care of your self-esteem, take care of your dignity, your identity, take care of who you are. Value yourself, respect yourself and be respected.