The 2 traits we look for the most when we meet someone

In first impressions we ask ourselves 2 questions... and they have nothing to do with physique.

Psychology has long been aware of the power of first impressions.

When we come into contact with someone for the first time, especially if it is in person, the conclusions we draw from that person during the first few minutes of interaction will condition the way we will judge them from that moment on. All the information that reaches us about that individual after that critical stage will be regulated by the presence of those sensations that he/she awakened in us before.

• Recommended article: "6 signs that show physical attraction to a person".

However, it is still a matter of debate what are the specific personal characteristics that we look at most to decide whether someone is worth it or not. to decide whether someone is worth it or not.

Amy Cuddy has spent 15 years researching the power of first impressions to shed light on this subject and has come to the conclusion that, when we meet someone, we focus primarily on two characteristics. And they are not simply an analysis of the physical appearance of the person in front of us.

What really matters in first impressions

As Cuddy explains in his book Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges, when we first meet someone, we ask ourselves two questions: "Can I trust this person?" and "Can I respect this person?

Interestingly enough, even though first impressions may be related to superficiality and one-off interactions that don't lead to anything deeper, what we value most is the sense of honesty and trust that someone conveys to us. in a matter of seconds and minutes, i.e. the first of the two questions.

The reason, according to this Harvard professor, is that from an evolutionary perspective, it pays more to look at whether it will pay to trust someone. That way we are more protected against possible betrayals that could put our life at risk or, in the best case, make us waste time and effort in cultivating a relationship that is not worth it.

Only when we have assessed the degree to which someone inspires confidence in us will we go on to consider whether we can respect them for what they do, that is, whether we find them skilled and competent in some significant area.

How can this be harnessed in personal relationships?

The conclusions that Cuddy has drawn from her research lead us to opt for simplicity in our personal relationships and in meeting people. That is to say, instead of obsessing about giving an image that is very close to the canons of beauty or demonstrating our degree of competence, we should first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted, we must first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted, and not give an artificial or pretendedly mysterious image.We must first show that we are normal human beings who can be trusted, and not give a contrived or pretentiously mysterious image.

Demonstrating skill only has a significant impact on the image we give if we have first made others feel confident. If not, it can be interpreted as potential, but a potential that can be used against others and, consequently, makes others distance themselves from us.

Thus, we must show our more human side, instead of keeping ourselves distant in order to show only those qualities of our own that we believe to be impressive. For example, this involves speaking frankly about ourselves, showing our own limitations to the same degree that we talk about what we are good at and, in general, showing that we can be trusted without producing major disappointments.

This, moreover, can be applied in informal relationships as well as when it comes to finding a job or seeking professional allies. The point is to be transparent, to show the degree to which our help and cooperation can be expected, and to behave in a consistent manner.and behave in a manner consistent with this. If honesty is demonstrated, there is less chance of deception or misunderstanding, and this is a win-win situation for everyone.

What can be done to give a good image?

To be concrete, some aspects to value when it comes to letting our behavior speak well about us are to follow these guidelines:

1. Be communicative

Keeping an aloof attitude can mean two things: either you have nothing interesting to show or you are hiding something.

• You are interested in: "The 10 basic communication skills".

2. Speaking bluntly

Rambling or speaking in a very formal way in a context that does not require it is a kind of communication barrier that does not express honesty.

• You can read this article: "14 main social skills to succeed in life".

3. Do not avoid talking about one's imperfections.

If the conversation leads to it, you should not avoid talking about your own failures, past mistakes and weaknesses. This shows that you trust the other person, which makes him/her adapt his/her attitude to match yours.

4. Give a realistic view of what you have to offer.

Rather than talking directly about what you can do to help the other person as if it were a set of personal skills that the other person can "rent", it is better to demonstrate in the here and now a willingness to make the relationship work and to make it comfortable for the other person. and comfortable to live with. In the first case, a series of theoretically advantageous characteristics is communicated unilaterally, while in the second case, the conversation is used to express the desire to listen to the other person and his or her own needs.