The 30 Signs of Psychological Abuse in a Relationship

Sometimes it can be difficult to identify what behaviors constitute psychological abuse.

In my consultations, when I see signs that a situation of psychological and emotional abuse may be occurring in a relationship, it can sometimes be difficult to identify which behaviors constitute psychological abuse. psychological and emotional abuseI usually use a series of questions that I ask them to take home as homework.

The goal is for my patients to assess how many items on that list are metThe objective is for my patients to assess how many of the items on the list are met, only during the week that remains until the next session. They have to write down next to each question the situations and dates in which these behaviors occur in order to create a record of the dimensions of the problem.

Identifying disguised psychological abuse

It is striking that a high percentage of my patients, upon arriving at the third or fourth appointment, come with a high degree of anxiety, as they become aware of the situation of psychological abuse in which they find themselves, and most of the criteria assumed them to be "normal" issues that occur in a couple's relationship..

This is one of the most damaging aspects of psychological abuse: as it is not physical abuse, it is more difficult to detect and identify as something that should not occur in a healthy relationship. That is why it is very necessary to take some time to reflect on the extent to which we are living or reproducing forms of psychological abuse.

The 30 signs that your partner may be psychologically mistreating you

This is a brief list of types of behavior that serve to identify cases of psychological abuse in a couple. They are presented in the form of questions to make them more accessible and easy to relate to the experiences of each person.

Consequences of emotional and psychological abuse

Once the task is done, and once in consultation, I assess with the victims the consequences of this psychological abuse. the consequences of this psychological mistreatmentwhich are usually these:

In turn, these effects of psychological abuse make the climate within the couple's relationship even worse, with serious consequences for the victim.

Becoming aware in order to leave abusive dynamics behind

The first step in dealing with psychological abuse is to know how to identify the signs of abuse.This is difficult because these dynamics do not occur from one day to the next and are subtle signs that we hardly notice.

The intention of this article is to be able to become aware of it, and if we feel identified, to be able to be able to break with the dependency. to be able to break with the emotional dependence that it generates in us.. The first step is to be able to identify the existence of psychological abuse to assume the idea that very drastic changes have to take place.

• Does she tell you how to dress? If you go in a way he doesn't like, does he get mad at you for it and you decide to change your clothes? Are there clothes that you don't wear anymore because you know he doesn't like it and you're going to get in trouble for it?

• Does she get angry if you spend more time with your friends or family than she thinks is necessary?

• Do you have sex even if you don't feel like it because if you don't, he gets angry?

• Do you count the number of times you do things you don't feel like doing or don't agree with? or you don't agree with to avoid an argument.

• Do you control your cell phone and your social networks?

• Do you have to inform him of your schedule?

• Does he downplay your personal or professional achievements?

• When you do something for your partner, does he/she thank you or does he/she make you feel it is your obligation?

• Does he/she organize your free time? Do you feel that in your leisure time you have to consult him/her about how to spend your time?

• When you have a problem do you minimize it with comments comments like: that's nothing, you're complaining about vice.etc.?

• When there has been an argument, most of the time you give in even if you are right because he could spend days without talking to you and making you empty?

• If he has a problem outside of the couple's sphere, does he make you feel responsible for it? makes you feel responsible for it?

• Does he/she make you feel that you would not know how to go on if you were not by his/her side?

• Do you feel guilty when you get sick?

• If you are in public, Are you afraid to say what you think in case it brings you consequences with your partner?

• Do you often use emotional blackmail to achieve your goals?

• Does he/she remind you over and over again of the mistakes you have made?

• Have you stopped telling your partner about your problems because you know that if he/she found out he/she would be angry?

• Are you afraid to tell him some things because you know that his reaction could be disproportionate?

• Do you notice that when the same thing is done by someone else, it is valued more positively than if you do it yourself?

• Do you feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite sex looks at you in case your partner notices it and it could be a reason for another discussion?

• Do you feel you need their approval in everything you do, or even think?

• Has the way he/she addresses you changed and become imperative?

• Do you feel that you cannot be yourself when you are with your partner?

• Linked to the previous one, do you feel that even without him/her, when you want to be yourself, you think that maybe it bothers him/her and you stop doing the things you wanted to do?

• Does he/she treat you as if he/she were your father/mother instead of your partner??

• Does he/she make important decisions without taking your opinion into account?

• Does he/she make you doubt your abilities?

• Do you feel afraid?

  • Physical discomfort
  • Low self-esteem
  • Loss of social relationships, often leading to isolation.
  • Feeling of no longer being the person he/she was.
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depressed mood
  • Alterations in sleep patterns
  • Eating problems
  • Addiction to different types of substances (among which benzodiazepines and alcohol are worth mentioning).
  • Slovenliness and neglect of physical appearance
  • Irritability
  • Apathy
  • Feelings of helplessness and worthlessness
  • Indecisiveness
  • Insecurity
  • Emotional dependence
  • Attacks of anger directed at others
  • Sexual appetite
  • Feelings of shame and guilt
  • Feelings of weakness
  • Difficulty in making decisions
  • Guilt
  • Flight-based coping mechanisms
  • Feelings of inferiority