The 4 advantages of counterfactual reasoning: thinking about what could have been but wasn’t

It may seem a bit masochistic, but thinking about what could have happened is sometimes beneficial.

What if I had dared, what if I had said yes? These and a thousand other questions are typical of counterfactual reasoning.. It consists of imagining alternative realities to our current reality, with all the emotional implications that this entails.

Let me give you an example. Imagine the typical movie in which a girl (or a guy) is meeting two guys at the same time. At a certain point, the situation is untenable and she has to choose and bet on one of the two. She thinks, talks to her friends, evaluates and after much reflection, finally chooses. Months later, even though she is doing very well with that guy, she has thoughts like: "What if I had chosen the other one, what would my life be like now? That is counterfactual thinking or reasoning: thinking about what could have been and was not..

But... and what is the function of this thinking? Because, at first glance, it doesn't seem to be very useful. Ruminating about a past that is no longer there or thinking about decisions that have already been made does not seem to make much sense... However, today we know that counterfactual reasoning can be useful in certain situations.

Why counterfactual reasoning is useful.

Science has shown that in certain situations this reasoning can help us to make sense of our lives. Below I summarize in four points why this thinking can be useful.

1. It helps us learn from our mistakes and prepare for a better future.

This is one of the most frequent, and it is that how many times have we regretted our mistakes?... "If I hadn't gone out, I would have passed and now I wouldn't have to study for the make-up", "If I hadn't been so proud, we wouldn't have gone three days without talking to each other", "What if I had accepted the offer? Maybe now I would have double the salary...".

Here It's not about beating ourselves up, it's about learning.. We can't go back, but we can stay at home on the eve of the next exam, swallow our pride in the next discussion and consider better the next offer that comes our way.

2. Consoles and soothes

This function is performed in the face of situations that have been uncomfortable, painful, embarrassing or unfair. It would be: "well, it could have been worse". For example, "It took the airline two days to return our luggage, but at least they didn't lose anything" or "The date was a disaster, but thank goodness it was him who tripped over the step and not me...". We are relieved to think that as bad as it was, it wasn't as bad as it could have been..

3. Produces well-being and satisfaction

When? In situations in which some success has been obtained. How? Imagining how bad it could have been. It seems a bit masochistic, true, but there is an explanation behind it.

And it is that thinking about how badly something could have gone wrong and comparing it with how great it went, we feel a tremendous satisfaction, pleasure and joy. Why? Because when we compare it, we feel even more proud of ourselves for having achieved that success or accomplishment.

4. It gives an emotion and meaning to the past

Specifically, to memories. And here phrases like "it had to happen", "it was destiny" or "things happen for a reason" come into play. With thoughts like: "it was destiny... I had to choose and if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have met what is now my favorite author", we reinforce the emotion of that memory and give it a meaning: "I met her because destiny wanted it".

We all like to keep in our memory the exciting situations we experienced so that we can remember them. Ah, of course, do not put your hand in the fire when you talk to someone about a past event and each one assures that it was as he tells it. It is more than demonstrated that many times, without being conscious, we "edit" and distort our memories.so that we create a "new version".

Having seen these 4 points, we have learned that counterfactual reasoning is useful if we use it for these 4 purposes. For everything else, it is better to ignore it, as it will bring us suffering, regret and discomfort. As the song says, past tense.